Joanne ~ Back in time

Chapter 17~Self Doubt

{Dianne's POV}

It was getting late and everyone was tired. We were all snuggled up on the sofa like one happy family as cheesy as that may sound it was true. We may be slightly dysfunctional and a little crazy but we were a family at least we are in my mind. Macklynn and Eponiné had fallen asleep and had been for a while so it was definitely time to get them to bed.
D-"Joe I think we need to get them to bed"
J-"We, urmm I don't know how"
D-"Joe you're a natural at looking after them"
J-"I've known them for a day"
D-"Exactly and look at them"
Joe looked down at them. Macklynn was sat across our laps with her head on me and Eponiné was cuddled into Joe like a panda.
D-"I'll sort out Macklynn"
J-"Ok"
I lifted Macklynn and carried her upstairs and got her ready for bed.

{Joe's POV}

I had no clue what I was doing, I don't know how to look after children. But if I want to stay in their lives I need to learn. I picked up Eponiné and she was still asleep I brushed her teeth and dressed her into her pjs. I had no idea where most of the rooms were, I had never really been here before so I hoped my instincts were leading me in the right direction. I finally found their room. It was so cute and cosy.

Macklynn was already asleep when I tucked Eponiné in. I put Eponiné down and wrapped her in the duvet. I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead then turned around to leave. Dianne was stood at the door smiling.
J-"What are you smiling at"
D-"You"
J-"What"
D-"You're so good with them, why did you doubt yourself"
J-"Because I've never looked after children before well not this age anyway"
Dianne walked up to me and put her arms around my back. She looked up and kissed me softly. I brushed the hair out of her face and said.
J-" You're so beautiful"
Dianne blushed a bit before tucking her head back into my chest. We walked back downstairs and snuggled up on the sofa. Another hour or so past.
J-"Di I should probably go"
D-"What"
J-"It's getting really late"
D-"Why don't you just stay here"
J-"I don't want to disrupt you or the girls any more than I already have and I don't have any clothes and I won't fit in yours"
D-"You haven't disrupted us and I may have some of your clothes"
J-"You stole my clothes"
D-"More like borrowed but yeah"
I laughed.
J-"Fine I'll stay but as soon as anyone starts to feel uncomfortable with me being here, I'm leaving"
D-"That's fine"
Dianne took my hand and led me upstairs she handed me some of her, well my, clothes. She started to undress and she became very self-conscious. She wrapped her arms around her body and sat down so I couldn't see her.
J-"Hey what's up"
D-"Nothing"
J-"Nothing Yeah it is you've gone all shy"
D-"..."
J-"You do know you're beautiful right"
D-"I'm not"
J-"Yes you are and stop saying that you're not"
I bent down so I was eye level with Dianne. I hugged her tightly. She hugged me back. Tears started to roll down her face and onto my back. I moved one of my hands from her back to the back of her head so I could hug her even more tightly.
D-"I don't know if I want to go back to school"
J-"Why"
D-"I don't know"
J-"It's because of Caspar and all that"
D-"What if they find out I have the girls"
J-"So"
D-"They'll make fun of me or mock me or even hurt me physically like Caspar did wh-"
J-"When he pushed you to the ground"
D-"Yeah"
J-"I'm not going to let anyone hurt you ok"
D-"Ok"
J-"I love you well to much to let that happen"
Tears were still rolling down Dianne's face but they had calmed down and were slower.
D-"Thank you, Joe," She said quietly.
D-"I love you" She wrapped her legs around my waist and I picked her up and put her down on her bed. She snuggled into my chest and I held her so she couldn't move too far away. Her warm skin was so soft and she was so remarkably stunning inside and out. I don't know how anyone could ever say or think anything different. She's perfect and she's mine.
J-"How the hell did I get you"
D-"What are you talking about"
J-"You, you're perfect and you're mine"
D-"..."
J-"How did a boy like me get a girl like you"
D-"You keep paying me all these compliments telling me how beautiful I am but you don't think your beautiful and I know you're supposed to be a man so you're not beautiful but you genuinely are inside and out and I will always love you for that"
My hand drifted from her back to her hip. We kissed slowly but passionately. Dianne tucked her head back into my chest and she fell into a long, peaceful sleep. I kissed her head and softly said "I love you so much D" I then fell asleep as well.
I woke up and it was Friday nearly the weekend. I wondered what would happen today. I mean do me and Dianne go to school but then where would the girls go. Oh, I don't know I should probably just ask Dianne. Where was she? I put Dianne's jumper on, again it was originally mine. I went downstairs and heard a lot of giggling, I went into the kitchen to find Eponiné eating breakfast on the stools and Dianne at the stove. They saw me and smiled.
D-"Good morning sleepy head"
I walked up behind Dianne and kissed her neck she smiled which always made me happy.
J-"Where's Macklynn"
D-"Urmm Joe"
Dianne looked at Eponiné so she got off the stool and went to another room.
D-"Macklynn feels awful about yesterday and she won't talk to me so she called Adisha and asked her to be taken somewhere else... she getting put in temporary foster care"
J-"What no! Where is she now?"
D-"She's packing upstairs she'll be leaving after school"
I ran up the stairs and went straight into the girls' room. I stood at the door for a couple of seconds where I watched Macklynn in floods of tears whilst she packed her bag.
J-"Hey"
M-"LEAVE ME ALONE"
J-"Hey it's ok"
M-"WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NICE TO ME ALL I'VE DONE IS TREAT YOU HORRIBLY...I ruined everything"
I went over to Macklynn and hugged her. She eventually hugged me back.
J-"You haven't ruined a thing"
M-"I'm so sorry Joe"
J-"No it's ok"
I picked Macklynn up and went to sit on her bed. She was still crying. Why won't she forgive herself?
M-"Please don't hurt me, I made a mistake I promise I won't ever again"
J-"What"
M-"Please"
I hugged her tighter. What had these girls been through?
J-"No I would never hurt you it's going to be ok everyone makes mistakes and you're probably going to make tons more but no one should hurt you because of that"
M-"..."
J-"Who's hurt you before"
M-"Men"
J-"Any kind of man"
M-"Our mum's boyfriend and Dianne's sort of boyfriends"
J-"What do you mean sort of"
M-"She didn't want to be with them but they forced themselves into her life and made her do things she didn't want to do and beat her and me and sometimes even Eponiné if we made mistakes"
J-"Omg"
M-"..."
J-"They're not proper boyfriends"
M-"Why aren't they"
J-"Boyfriends and significant others are supposed to love you no matter what, they're supposed to cause you no pain, they're supposed to care and cherish you, they're supposed to love you for being you"
M-"Do you love Dianne and all those other things you just said"
J-"Oh yes she is my world one of the only things slash people I would do anything for"
M-"One of them"
J-"What"
M-"You said one of them who are the others"
J-"Well there's my sister Zoe and then there's you and Eponiné"
M-"Really you care about us that much"
J-"Of course I do like I said before I want to be in your lives. I will admit I was shocked at first when I found out Dianne had you to look after but because I love Dianne and I want to be with her that means I need to love you guys because you come first in Dianne's life"
M-"I'm one of a few things that come first in Dianne's life"
J-"Yeah"
M-"Yeah there's me and Eponiné and then there's you as well"
J-"..." I just smiled.
M-"I'm glad you came into our lives you know you make Dianne very happy and you make Eponiné happy and you even make me happy"
J-"Does this mean your staying and not going to the foster place"
M-"I don't know are you sure you're ok with me staying"
J-"Definitely this is your home, so are you sure you're ok with me staying"
M-"Definitely"
Macklynn smiled we hugged even tighter.
J-"You know you and Eponiné aren't a package deal that goes with Dianne you're a bonus and I promise I'll never hurt you"
M-"You're ..."
J-"I'm What"
M-"You're the best, you're the best thing that has happened in our lives in well forever"
Wow. I hadn't really had a family in so long but the feeling of having one was coming back. I liked it and I wasn't scared.

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