Sadness

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Joe's POV

It had been a couple of weeks since Dianne had miscarried our first child. It had been devastating for the both of us. For the first couple of days after me and Dianne had used each other as comfort leaning on each other and then Dianne had disappeared inside herself. She had become very distant, not talking to me or wanting to be around me. I didn't know how to help her and I felt like she was slowly fading away from me. Like the old happy Dianne had disappeared and I didn't know what to do to bring the old Dianne back to me. 

Dianne's POV

I was trying to cope the best I could with what had happened. I felt like it was my fault, my body had decided not to work properly and therefore me and Joe had lost our child. I had jumped straight back into work, trying as hard as I could to bring some normality back to my life. I know it wasn't working very well. I wasn't my old bubbly self I was just going through the motions. There was no heart in what I was doing. I know I was pushing Joe away. I was trying not to but at the moment I felt like it was the only thing I could do to cope with what happened. I didn't want to look into his eyes and see the hurt in them. It would just make the guilt inside of me even stronger. So I just kept pushing him away and I knew in the end I would push to far and he would end up leaving me.

Joe's POV

Whilst I was sitting at my desk doing my work my thoughts kept turning to Dianne. Trying to think what I could do to help her, I really didn't want to lose her. I decided to call Zoe for some advice as she has always been there for me. She answered after a couple of rings.

Z- Hey bro how are you
J- I'm alright, as good as you can expect
Z- How's Dianne doing
J- Honestly, I have no idea. She won't talk to me. It's like she can't even stand to be near me. As soon as I walk into a room she leaves, I don't know what to do.

By this time I could feel the tears running down my eyes and I could here in my voice how desperate I was. I just really hope that Zoe had some advice that could help me.

Z- Aww Joe maybe she just needs some time to grieve for what has happened
J- but I feel like we should be doing that together. We made the baby together and we lost the baby together so we should grieve for the baby together.
Z- have you ever thought that what she might be feeling is guilt as well as grieve.
J- What do you mean
Z- well you know a couple of years ago Polly had a miscarriage
J- yeah
Z- well after it happened me and her where talking and she told me she felt really guilty that it had happened. Like she felt she was to blame because her body couldn't carry the baby. Maybe Dianne is feeling like that and that's why she doesn't want to be around you at the moment.
J- well what can I do about that
D- talk to her, make sure she knows that you don't blame her and then maybe do something together to help remember the baby you have lost.
J- ok thanks for the talk Zoe you really helped
Z- anytime bro love you
J- love you too

I hung up the phone and then sat back in the chair thinking about what Zoe had said. I never thought about it like that I really hope that Dianne didn't think that I blamed her for this, I know it just sometimes happens for no reason. I sat thinking for a while when I came up with an idea. I decided that tomorrow I was going to do down to the shop and buy I little tree that me and Dianne can plant together to remember the child we had lost.

Next day

I had been to the shop and had bought a pine tree as I loved the meaning of the tree. It symbolised love and hope and I thought it was just what we needed. I had also bought some flowers to plant around it so it was a pretty little space in the garden where me and Dianne could go when we needed to remember or just to sit and have some quiet time. I decided that tomorrow we would plant them as I knew that we both had to day off. I just had to find a way to broach the subject with Dianne.

Next morning

Dianne's POV

I woke up the next morning and stared up at the ceiling. Me and Joe where in bed together but we couldn't be further apart. He was at one side of the bed and I was at the other and there was a big gap in between us. I got out of bed and went downstairs and made myself a cup of coffee. Half an hour later I heard noise on the stairs and turned around the see Joe coming down the stairs. He walked into the living room and I got up to leave the room when I felt Joe's hand on my arm. 'Wait' he said 'we need to talk.' They where the words that I was dreading but I knew they where coming sooner or later, there was only so much of this Joe could take before he left me. I sat down on the sofa next to him looking down at the ground. I couldn't look at him when I knew what was about to happen. After a few minutes of silence Joe finally spoke 'Dianne we can't carry on like this. We don't talk anymore or spend any time with each other. We should be grieving together not separately I feel like this is tearing us apart.' I could feel tears gathering in my eyes as I turned to look at him. I noticed he also had tears in his eyes and decided that if we where going to make it through this I had to tell Joe how I was feeling. 'I just feel like this I all my fault. My body couldn't hold the pregnancy and that's why we lost the baby. I just feel so guilty and I don't feel like I can grieve with you knowing that.' By this time me and Joe both had tears flowing down our eyes. 'This is not your fault baby it's just something that happens sometimes. There is nothing you could have done to prevent it.' I really wanted to believe him. I looked up at him and looked into his eyes and at that moment I could see that he meant every word that he was saying and that's when I had hope that me and him could make it through this together. I fell into him and he wrapped his arms around me. We cried into each other until we had no more tears left to cry.

Joe's POV

I finally felt like I was getting through to Dianne. She had told me how she felt and I had reassured her that it wasn't her fault. We had cried together whilst wrapped up in each other's arms as we grieved for the child that we had lost. After a while we had both stopped crying and I decided now was a good time to tell her about the plans I had for the garden to remember our child. I pulled back from Dianne and said 'I want to do something to remember our child. I went out yesterday and bought a tree and some flowers and I want to plant them in the garden as a sort of memorial so if we are ever feeling sad we can go out there and sit down and remember them.' Dianne looked up at me and said 'I think that's a brilliant idea.' I took her hand and we made out way into the garden. We both decided that a spot at the back of the garden would be the best place to plant the tree and flowers. Together we planted the tree and the flowers and they we sat down cuddled together looking at it. I decided I wanted to say a few words 'we might not have got to meet you, but we want you to know that your mummy and daddy loved you and that we miss you very much and are very sad that we never got to meet you.' I looked over at Dianne and said 'do you want to say anything.' Dianne looked at me then back towards the tree and said 'mummy and daddy love you lots and lots and we know you are looking down on us from heaven and I hope that one day we get to meet you.' Me and Dianne cried a bit more and just sat looking at the tree for a while before we decided to get up and go out for the day and try and bring a bit of the happiness back into our lives.

2 years later

Me and Joe where sitting on the little bench we had placed next to the tree and flowers we had planted for the child we had lost. I looked at him and smiled before looking down at the little baby in my arms. He was only three days old but I decided as soon as I got out of hospital I wanted him to know about his sibling. 'I know you will never get to meet him in person but I hope you are looking down on us. This is your brother Aiden.' At that moment Aiden let out a little gurgle and I looked down at him and smiled. 'Just know that mummy and daddy will always love you.' I got up and walked closer to the tree. I placed a kiss on my hand and then touched one of the leaves. 'Love you' Joe says copying my actions. I took his hand and we walked back inside sitting on the sofa cuddled up looking down at our baby in my arms.

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