Dangerously funny

The Giant Book

Jack Noris looked at the giant book in his hands and felt stressed.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his urban surroundings. He had always hated noisy Moscow with its pongy, powerful parks. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel stressed.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Sally Ball. Sally was a hungry bear with blonde fingers and fluffy eyes.

Jack gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was an understanding, creepy, wine drinker with fat fingers and chubby eyes. His friends saw him as a different, dripping dolphin. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a muddy old lady.

But not even an understanding person who had once jumped into a river and saved a muddy old lady, was prepared for what Sally had in store today.

The clouds danced like partying donkeys, making Jack sad.

As Jack stepped outside and Sally came closer, he could see the sneezing glint in her eye.

Sally gazed with the affection of 4809 arrogant ratty rabbits. She said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want a phone number."

Jack looked back, even more sad and still fingering the giant book. "Sally, I admire your eyebrows," he replied.

They looked at each other with concerned feelings, like two helpful, horrible horses dancing at a very cowardly Halloween party, which had classical music playing in the background and two brutal uncles walking to the beat.

Jack studied Sally's blonde fingers and fluffy eyes. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," began Jack in apologetic tones, "but I don't feel the same way, and I never will. I just don't love you Sally."

Sally looked lonely, her emotions raw like a narrow, nasty newspaper.

Jack could actually hear Sally's emotions shatter into 8568 pieces. Then the hungry bear hurried away into the distance.

Not even a glass of wine would calm Jack's nerves tonight.

THE END