Dangerously funny

Stick Your Hairy and Terrifying Job, Mister Big

Dear Mister Big,

I have some news, which I think you will find dirty.

Over the last two weeks, I have found working for Nerds R Us both hairy and terrifying.

It's fair to say that my teaching assistant is quiet and the IT department are cool, but this has not stopped me from finding the work hairy.

I have really enjoyed chatting with my teaching assistant and stealing great souls from my ginger co-workers. But all good things must come to an end.

As time has passed, I've found that my dreams of becoming a professional footballer have become increasingly frequent. Last week I took the plunge and bought myself a guidebook. I dream of getting up in the morning and laughing, something that my current job fails to nurture. Now all I need is a sandwich and I'm almost there.

Thus I must resign from my job as a shop assistant, to pursue my true calling as a professional footballer.

In your role as my superior, you have been the picture of perfection, which is why I leave with a dirty heart.

Best of luck with your continued pursuit of a soulless existence.

Yours sincerely

Rick