It's 1989, you are in a highly successful all girl, hard rocking metal band. You're touring the world with a number of bands who don't take you seriously. One of them being Motley Crüe.
While most of the bands view you as groupies turned femrockers...
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There was a lot you wanted to do. Really wanted to do.
But when you picked up an instrument, nothing came to you. When you picked up your daughter, she was fighting to get away from you. You could shower, you could watch tv, you could live a basic life. But anything additional to that, seemed daunting.
Tommy had tried to get you out the house, but instead you let him take Izzy as you stayed in bed. He tried to get someone round to talk to you, but you had no words to offer. Your longing for Nikki had disappeared when everytime you tried to call you were refused. Ringo was by your side all day and all night, he let you hold him when you felt like crying.
Lita had came round and ordered you to get your ass up but you couldn't bring yourself to go out the house which she was pushing you to do.
"Why won't you talk to anyone kid?" Lita asked sadly as she sat on the bed with you.
"Cause everyone's got their own issues, why should I burden anyone with mine?" You murmured as you turned away from her.
"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go back right away if you're wife is suffering right now. It could lead you right back here" The doctor warned Nikki as he discharged himself.
"It won't, I need to be there for her. Nobody else is getting through to her doc" Nikki explained as he handed the paperwork back. He knew it would be hard, but you always put your shit aside for him, it was time he repaid the favour.
Tommy picked him up and brought him back to the house. Tommy took Izzy into the garden as Nikki headed upstairs. He opened the bedroom door to the total darkness he was warned about. He couldn't even see you. He saw Ringo's tail wagging in the dark as he lay next to you.
"Go away" He heard you mumble from underneath the covers. Nikki crawled onto the bed and settled beside you. It took a few moments for you to turn around.
"Nikki?" You called into the darkness as you turned in the embrace of the person next to you. You curled against him and cried as he held you.
He said nothing as he held you tightly, he kissed your head as you cried.
"Whatever you need, I'm here" He mumbled with a sigh.
"I don't know what I need, I don't know what I want and it's driving me crazy" You choked.
"Then we need to see someone to help you figure all this out" Nikki soothed. "We need to figure out what's made you like this."
—-
Nikki waited outside the room as you spoke to the therapist. It wasn't a quick fix by any means, but he didn't understand what drove you over the edge. If it was him relapsing, if it was something else.
He wanted to hold you and tell you everything would be fine. But he didn't know how to make it fine and it was driving him crazy. He wanted to give you the world but you didn't want the world, you just wanted to feel happy again.
You eventually walked out the room after an hour or so, you agreed to meet Nikki at the car as he hung back waiting for the therapist. He knocked the door and walked into the room.
"Your wife expressed that she would be happy for me to discuss the sessions with you. Have a seat Mr Sixx" The therapist said and Nikki nodded sitting down.
"Your wife is going through a tough time. She's experiencing emptiness, she feels like she's served all her purposes. And that she's carrying everyone else's weight just to feel relevant" He explained as he moved around his desk.
"I think the downward point has been since you told her you were done with children. She feels immensely guilty for feeling upset about it. She knows it's your decision, but she can't help the way she feels"
Nikki sighed and ran a hand over his face, what was he meant to do?
"Do I get it reversed, what should I do?" Nikki asked and he shook his head.
"She doesn't want you to not have it. She just feels that she hadn't quite accepted that her job as a mother ends with Isabella. She wasn't quite in the mindset that you were. Then with your relapse, she feels like she has failed."
"So it's all my fault. I've fucked her up?"
"No, she just doesn't know how to deal with her feelings, so she distracts herself by burdening herself with other issues. You need to show her that it's not selfish for her to put herself first."
"Right, I can do that" Nikki nodded. "Anything else?"
"Don't place the blame at your own door Mr Sixx. She loves you and would do anything for you. That isn't a bad thing, she's just lost herself in the meantime" The doctor assured.
His heart broke as he approached the car to see you sat there rubbing your eyes, trying to calm yourself down from crying. He closed the car door and pulled you to him.
"I'm sorry we didn't have more of a discussion about kids. I didn't consider how it would affect you" Nikki apologised.
"I just wanted more of a chance to digest that it was it for me" You explained wiping your eyes. "I love what we have, I just feel like I'm missing something from my life. Just the adrenaline, the excitement"
"I think you should contact Lita and I think you should make the band a permanent thing" Nikki suggested. "It made you so happy babe."
"It did" You sniffed "It was nice to have more of a purpose than watching everyone else play."
"What else do you wanna do? What's on your bucket list?" He asked as he drove you both back home. "There must be something you've been desperate to do."
"Well, I always wonder what it's like to go diving. Or play drums, or even do something artsy" You rambled as Nikki smiled.
"Make a list and we'll go through it together. I promise." Nikki kissed your hand as he pulled up to the house. You eyed him as he undone his seatbelt and gestured you over to him. You climbed on top of him as he moved the seat back. His eyes bore into yours as he moved some hair out your face.
"You are so important to me angel. I know it feels like you're the only one holding everyone together at times" He said quietly. "And though I appreciate how you are always there for everyone, it's time for us to be here for you. So no taking on everyone else's shit."
"I don't mind, I like being there for everyone" You mumbled and yelped when he smacked you ass.
"I mean it" He grinned. "I'll do anything to make you happy. I know I don't tell you enough, but I love you."
"I know you do" You said leaning down kissing him. "You're my favourite, c'mon doom and gloom, lets go see our kid."
