It's 1989, you are in a highly successful all girl, hard rocking metal band. You're touring the world with a number of bands who don't take you seriously. One of them being Motley Crüe.
While most of the bands view you as groupies turned femrockers...
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"Go and see him" Bobbie said as you sat in the hospital corridor clutching at your coffee.
"There's so many other people here to see him, I'll just wait my turn" You said shakily. You weren't sure if you could see Jani unconscious. Bobbie said that Rowanne had left him a couple months ago. He asked if he could rent Bobbie's spare room so he could still be close to his daughter and Bobbie refused. She didn't want their daughter to see him strung out and drunk everyday.
"Why didn't he call me? I wish he would have just called me" You sniffed as you ran a hand through your hair.
"He did, he called and Nikki answered. Told him to go cry to someone who gives a damn and hung up on him" Bobbie sighed. "..I guess he wasn't thrilled about you coming here today either."
"That asshole. Who the hell is he to say what calls and messages I do and don't receive? He may as well have put Jani in here" You felt so angry and disgusted that Nikki couldn't get over himself for one second to take Jani seriously. To support someone who was in a similar position that he was in not so long ago.
"But you know what they are like." Bobbie assured as she rubbed your arm. "I didn't know whether to call you."
"I'm glad you're here. Jani loved you and your little girl to pieces" You said hugging her as she teared up. She held onto you tightly as you felt her crying into your shoulder.
"Why did he do this to us? Why couldn't he just stay straight for us" Bobbie cried. "He drank so much, he knew he was gonna kill himself and he didn't care."
"Save all that shit, save it for when he wakes up and then you can make him see what he's done is wrong" You said rubbing her back. "I have a lodge out by Lake Tahoe he can stay in until he gets back on his feet. We all just need to help him."
"Go see him Cherry, please" She pleaded with you as you looked at her weakly. You guessed she was less hopeful than you. It felt odd to have someone else call you that.
"Okay, I'll go see him. Just give me half an hour" You said standing up and walking to the coffee machine. You looked at your phone as it rang. With a sigh you answered it.
"Are you coming home? Izzy and Gunner have got school and I can't take them today" Nikki asked tiredly. You gritted your teeth as you stood staring at the machine, trying to calm yourself down.
"Jani called for help and you told him to go fuck himself. And now he's in the hospital, because you wouldn't let him speak to me" You said lowly.
"I was just tired of him thinking he could just be in your life whenever he wanted. I was done seeing you clean up after him all the time. This is him just trying to get your attention, that's it." Nikki replied sighing.
"That's my choice Nikki. You didn't even tell me he called. You are sick of me cleaning up after him? What about you? Why do you expect me to leave my friends side to come to your every beck and call?" You growled.
"You want to act like a doting wife to him? Maybe you should have married him instead. But you didn't, you married me. So come home and help me with our kids." Nikki snapped.
"Sometimes Nikki, sometimes I wish I did marry him. Because he doesn't rub women in my face. I can't believe you brought up similarities between Kat and Donna and you. Remember what happened with Donna? We got divorced Nikki, because you were acting like a child. Trying to make me jealous and to make me beg. Is that the road you want to go down again?" You ranted, you tried to quiet your tone down as you realised everyone was watching you.
"I need a break. I can't do this with you anymore. I have been trying to talk to you about this for weeks. You've got me trapped under your thumb and I can't fucking do it anymore" Nikki snapped.
"This is all way too familiar" You snarled. "You are a selfish bastard Nikki."
You pretty much threw your phone down as you hit the button for the coffee machine over and over. Why would he do this now? Why was he trying to pick a fight. You knew you would go home, you'd talk and it would be fine again. But you wish he wouldn't get so nasty with you. Why didn't he see that you needed him the most right now?
You took your coffee and went back over to Bobbie, she winced as she looked at you.
"That sounded like a fun conversation" She said squeezing your shoulder and you nodded sipping your coffee.
"I'm gonna go see him now" You said to her and she nodded pointing to the door to his room.
You walked in there and chewed your lip. He lay on the bed, pale with a million different tubes and wires coming out of him. You sat on the chair next to his bedside watching the ventilator go up and down. Your inhale was wobbly as you took his slightly warm hand.
"Hey Jani,..its Cherry" was all you could get out before you started crying. You held his hand with both of your hands as you cried. You expected him to wake up at any second, with his bright smile and his constant excitement to see you. But nothing, no squeeze of the hand. Nothing.
"You could have tried harder to contact me" You sniffed as you wiped your eyes. "You are such a dope Jani Lane. Why would you do this to yourself?"
No response.
"Who's gonna sing Heaven to me now huh?" You chuckled sadly. "It was always one of my favourite songs. It had a special place in my heart just like you always did."
You sat there for ages just talking to him. You knew he would be happy to hear about yours and Nikki's sudden martial problems. But he still didn't wake up.
"I love you Jani, I'll be back tomorrow to talk again. You better be waiting for me" You sniffed as you kissed his forehead. You closed your eyes, trying not to let any tears fall before you let go of his hand and walked out the room.
—
It was late when you pulled up to the house, the lights were on so you guessed Nikki was still awake. You opened the door and sighed, Round three, ding ding ding.
"Nikki, I don't want to fight anymore. Can we please just forget about-" You rounded the corner to see Amy sat there watching tv. "Oh, Where's Nikki?"
"This is kinda awkward for me" Amy said grabbing her bag. "Izzy is upstairs asleep. I think you should go into your bedroom. I'll see you Mrs Sixx"
You watched as she left in a hurry and frowned. You headed upstairs and your heart sank. The wardrobe was mostly empty. Just some of your pathetic clothes still hanging up. Half the records you shared were gone. All of his little things, gone.
You stared at the piece of paper on your bed as you stood in the doorway. If you walked over and picked it up. It would all become very real. You felt sick as you leant against the doorframe. You went into the studio, his guitars were gone too. You ran downstairs towards the guest room.
"Nikki, are you in there? Are you just trying to punish me?" You said hopefully opening the door. But there was no-one. "Nikki please, I can't do this"
You weren't sure who you were talking to anymore as you sat on the floor sobbing. You grabbed your phone and dialled his number. It went straight to voicemail. Your phone started ringing and you picked it up, hopeful.
"Hello?"
"I'm so..I'm so sorry Cherry. Jani's gone" Bobbie cried down the phone. You should have been there for her. Talked her through it. But you hung up the phone and sat there, staring at the wall.
Welcome to rock bottom.
I tried to tell you that this was becoming more and more difficult for me. But you wouldn't listen. This family has stumped my career. I just need some time away.
