Primal.

Chapter 104 - Retire

"Can we talk?" You asked when he came into the room to change the next day. You held Izzy in your arms as she reached out to him. He scratched his head and sighed, sitting on the bed. You offered him a weak smile as he took Izzy from you.

"Babe I didn't mean to come across the way I did" You sighed. "I would never ask you to pick between me or your art, never ever. But when it comes down to awards or anything like that. I do worry that it would cause bad blood between us."

"But it never has. The interview scared me. Your rant to Lita scared me more" He murmured as Izzy played with his hair. "I know you have shit with the band. But don't act like I'm an unsupportive asshole."

"I didn't mean to" You sighed. "I guess everything's going downhill, I expected this to at some point. The tour hasn't been easy on our marriage."

"I think it's been fine on us. It hasn't been fine on you, but I haven't bailed. We haven't had an issue until now. The last day" He ranted. "I'm not gonna leave you, but I can't keep letting you try and push me away."

"That's fair" You nodded as you sniffed. "I don't want you to go."

"I'm not going anywhere. Band or no band. Award or not." He said sternly. His serious exterior broke as he offered you his hand. You took it and cuddled into him.

"Whats she done up here exactly?" Nikki asked running a hand through his hair. He looked at his glitter covered hand and shook his head.

"One last show, go out with a bang" He mumbled kissing your head.

You went out with Lita. She looked nervous, she knew what the end of this tour meant. New beginnings for her.

"We got this. You've got this" You said to her and she nodded quietly. You heard the crowd, you were all together for the last time on stage for a while.

The crowd had enjoyed your set so far, you eyed Nikki at the side of the stage pointing to you as he spoke to Trent Reznor. He seemed to be talking about you proudly. You hoped, anyway.

"Hello Los Angeles" You grinned as you greeted the crowd . "We had to do a final show here, in our hometown. Thank you guys for joining us."

Lita clapped the crowd as they cheered. You sniffed and wiped a tear from your eye with a chuckle.

"I have an announcement to make tonight that not everyone will like or understand" You muttered into the mic hearing silence. "Tonight is my last performance ever. Tonight is the night I put down my guitar and retire from performing."

Lita nodded to you, you had told her beforehand it's what you wanted to do. You were getting too old and responsible to do this again. You just wanted to be in a studio and be home looking after Izzy. You didn't want to fight Nikki. This wasn't your dream anymore. You looked as Nikki stared at you, shocked.

"I'll still be making music with a lot of talented guys" You sniffed as you wiped your eyes. "I appreciate the crazy support you've given me over the decade, I do."

The crowd started a Thank you chant and Lita walked over hugging you tightly. Before you knew it Rach and Sheree had piled in too.

"The best friend and musician anyone could ask for" Lita yelled and the crowd applauded. You sniffed and pulled the mic closer to you.

"I'd like to dedicate this next song to my husband. He's been my rock through so much, honestly" You laughed as you looked at him. "Nikki this is for you."

You watched as Lita took off her guitar and headed to the piano that Nine Inch Nails used. You nodded as she sat down. Playing the chords for Home Sweet Home.

You heard the crowd cheer as you started singing. You were trying to hold it together. So much. This had to be good for Nikki. For the crowd, for you.

"I'm on my way, I'm on my way. Home sweet home" You sang. You looked over at the sea of lighters in the air, illuminating the arena as you played. You looked at Nikki, he was wiping his eyes roughly as he forced a smile to you.

You played the solo like it was the last time you would pick up a guitar. You didn't care that your cheeks were wet, that your makeup was probably fucked. You were pouring all you had into this solo.

You held the note as Lita played the piano outro. You were surprised to see Nikki walking towards you as the crowd cheered. He picked you up and held you close as you sobbed into his shoulder.

—-

Home was great. For the three days you were there. You had to head straight out to Vancouver to see what work had been done on the new Motley album. Nikki was itching to hear some masters and start his input.

You didn't say anything when you passed Sam in the studio. You had left Izzy with the babysitter as you sat in your designated chair by Bob.

"You did good kid" Bob patted you on the arm and you rolled your eyes.

"C'mon I'm not dead. What needs to be done?" You asked him and he snorted.

"Everything. These guys don't function unless Nikki's leading the pack." Bob commented. You watched Nikki pace in front of the guys in the other room.

"Vince tried to fuck with the lyrics" Bob updated and you nodded as Nikki crossed out everything Vince has suggested. Sam seemed to be keeping her distance which made you happy.

"I hate these songs" Bob mentioned and you raised an eyebrow. "I can't even make them sound good, it's just a lazy album."

"It's not lazy writing though?" You queried and Bob ran a hand over his face.

"Writing no, music yes. Mick's lost his drive, Vince has lost his power. I don't even know what the hell is with their drummer" Bob shrugged. "Lots of overdubs."

"Can't wait" You replied rolling your eyes. "Let's get this going again."

You didn't disagree with Bob. In any aspect. There was nothing about this album that drove you crazy apart from the odd song. The recording process went smoothly. Apart from trying to get Vince to put some effort into his recording.

Nikki yawned as he sat in Bob's vacant chair. Everyone else had gone at this point apart from you and him. Trying to do something with the vocals.

"Tell me that this band still has energy" Nikki mumbled as he leant down on the sound desk.

"Nikki..You need to look into other bands now" You said truthfully. "You're creatively exhausted in this band and you can hear it on the record."

"You're right" He sighed. He rolled your chair to his and kissed you gently "is this the end of Crue?"

"Not permanently" You stated "But for now, I'd say tour this album and look at your other projects."

He nodded as he looked distracted. You rubbed his cheek and kissed him again. He didn't seem scared as you predicted he would be.

"I need this album to finish so I can start working with Brides" Nikki smiled. "Bring some fresh material."

"Some of your own fresh material" You reminded with a smile. "Stop stealing my songs."