A Mother's Struggle

Chapter 18

The week has went by so fast. Chris has been calling me everyday since the week started. I must say, I enjoyed each and very one of the calls. Chris is just perfect, honestly. The calls would last for an hour or more. I felt like a teenager all over again. He started brightening my day. We would text all day. I do not want to get the wrong idea or start hoping we will date. I feel like it's too soon for that. I am trying so hard to avoid a heartbreak yet again.

I should start preparing for tomorrow, we are going on a date. He probably thinks on one of the dates, I will be like "no, lunch is on me," I would never do that. Ever. He will pay until he gets tired of it, not that I am using him but he is the one who wants me so he might as well just please me.

I just love how he did not rush to asking me to be in a relationship with him or wanting to sleep with me, like other guys. Men would want to have sex on the first date and that is how you know to them it's all about pleasure, they are not ready to settle. I like how he is creating friendship first and how it is important for him to get to know me so that he knows what he is getting himself into. He is not really getting to know the real me because I am lying about that but I also want to know him first and if I can trust him with that, if I can expect no judgement from him.

I should just get up and pick clothes for tomorrow's date. I pick a dress Zandile bought me after I gave birth to Naledi. That is years back but it's still in perfect condition because I seldom wear it. The dress is mustard. It is about two centimeters above my knees and it is a tight fit dress. It shapes my body perfectly, every edge and curve is out. Chris will be very impressed tomorrow. I choose to wear the dress with my black sandals that I got from Jet four months ago. They were on sale and I fell in love with them the moment I saw them on the catalogue. There were two of them left, I thought I was not going to find my size.

Right after I pick  the clothes, I go straight to bed. I am so looking forward to this date. I have a great feeling about it. Or maybe it's because I am actually catching feelings for this guy. Real feelings, not what people feel when they see a person for the first time.

...

I woke up really early to do everything before I go on the date. I made my children breakfast, I cleaned and washed. When I finish, I turn on the kettle and put my clothes on the bed.

I bathed and put my clothes on. When I am done, I gaze myself in the old mirror next to the bed. I admire my body. Coming to think of it, I do have a nice body. My insecurities about my looks have to stop. If I don't love myself or my body, who do I expect to do that for me? Nobody is going to love me the way I deserve except me. I smile as I gaze at myself in he mirror.

"Gosh I am hot." I say looking at myself, with hope that nobody heard or saw me. Let me just stop this and ask Chris if he is on his way.

When I get to my phone I see a text from him.

"I am sorry to disappoint you at the very last minute but I cannot make it. I got called in at work. I will come this side again in two weeks, may we please postpone to that date."

What? I am really disappointed. First of all I woke up earlier than usual to do everything. Secondly, I got all dressed up, in one of the best outfits I own for this date. Thirdly, I looked myself in the mirror for about fifteen minutes, talked to myself like some crazy person. Lastly, I was so excited for this. I have airtime but I do not even bother to text back. He stood me up and he must be out of his mind if he thinks I will ever go on another date with him.

I immediately take off my clothes and put them back in my suitcase. I dress in my pajamas and get to bed although it is about three in the afternoon. Those kids must not come in here and disturb my peace, I will be in my room sulking.