A Mother's Struggle

Chapter 51

Why are they eating dinner without me? Did I sleep for that long? I know I went up at 15:00 and it's 19:23 right now. At least I did something productive today and my day was not that bad, compared to yesterday.

"Hey mommy, this chicken is good." Naledi says.

"Hey, don't speak with food in your mouth. That is bad manners." I tell her and she groans.

"What was that?" I ask harshly.

"Nothing mommy." She says softly.

"I thought as much." I say as I sit down. They dished up for me.

That conversation took a really unexpected turn. The mood just changed from an enthusiastic voice telling me how good the chicken is, to her groaning and being disrespectful for absolutely no reason. This must be awkward for Lesedi and Thabo.

They are both digging in their plates and saying nothing. Which just made me notice that they eat the same way. They hold their chicken the exact same way, and the way they bite it is the same too. Both of them are holding the drumstick with the thumb, index and middle finger from both hands, while the pinky and the ring finger curl themselves to the inside of their palms. After taking their bite, they put their meat slowly on the plate and suck their fingers before taking something else from the plate to eat. They chew with their mouth closed but really fast. When they both take the sweet corn to eat next, I giggle softly and block my mouth with the back of my hand.

"What?" Lesedi asks.
I gesture for them to wait, I want to swallow the food first.

"Have you guys realized how alike you are?" I ask and continue giggling. I find it really cute that they do things similarly.

"What?" Thabo exclaims.

"Yes, let's leave out your facial features. Everybody can tell that you are Thabo's child by just looking at that, but guys even the way you eat is the same." I say and take a bite of my chicken.

"What? Really!?" They both say, Naledi and I laugh at how perfect the timing of the unison is. The only different thing right now is their facial expressions. Thabo seems to be glad about this, and Lesedi? Not so much.
Thabo and Lesedi notice that they both have sweet corn in their right hands.

"I never really noticed." Thabo says.

"You wouldn't. It is adorable though." I say.

I just noticed that Lesedi is laughing too. Does that mean he forgave his father, or he is actually considering what I said about taking baby steps when approaching this? I hope so.

"You are just like daddy." Thabo says.

"I'll never be like 'daddy' ." Lesedi replies and air quotes, 'daddy.'

"Uh-oh!" Naledi says and I nudge her with my right elbow, my action makes her drop the meat she had in her hands.

Again, the mood changes; the air gets thicker and it is awkward. I bet it took all of him not to rush upstairs. That seem to be a thing for both of us. When things get tense, we rush upstairs and shut the doors to our rooms. We either cry or feel the urge to screech. Whether we are sad or infuriated, that is how we seem to express ourselves.

Thabo is quiet. I feel bad for him. He tries too hard for somebody who pushes him away. I understand the situation, from both perspectives.

One is really angry and feels wounded because of what happened years ago, he has no heart of forgiveness because he blames Thabo for everything wrong that went on in our lives and I bet staying here messes with his mind. That is the reason he is pushing his father away.