A Mother's Struggle

Chapter 28

He parked his car outside this time. I step out of the black car and gape at his large mansion. It is now that I gaze at this house in detail. It is bigger than any house that I have seen. This house right here looks like it was built by real professionals.

The house is coated with grey and believe it or not, it still stands out. It is now that I start to notice how neatly trimmed these hedges surrounding the house are. His little garden in the front yard has red and white roses, these flowers bloom like it is not winter. They seem to be well taken of. The grass is a bright green. The pavement covers the rest of the yard and I love how the bricks are neatly placed too. The roof is slanting at an angle and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The windows have white curtains hanging.

So this is my new home. I said to myself.

I walk to the black door and open it. Mavis is busy in the kitchen and it smells divine.

The floor is tiled with big white glossy tiles and I can almost see my reflection in them. It looks like Mavis cleaned while we were away. The walls are cream white. Everything in here looks like it cost a fortune. That makes me ask myself how much Chris earns. Oh, he owns a company.

This is where new memories will be made, my family is bigger now and what is important is that, it is happier than ever before. My children look happy. I do not know what excites them more; the fact that this mansion is their home or the fact that they are going to a better school. Naledi was sad when we were departing, she said that she will miss all her friends. I do not understand why she values friends so much, didn't she see what Zandile did to me? She should always be ready for change, she should be able to adapt to change easily. Letting go might be very hard, but it can be a good thing too.

They will have more opportunities after matriculating, provided they do not become irresponsible like I was.

That is my biggest fear ever, Naledi and Lesedi going astray. I do not want that for my kids. I want them to take our lives as a huge lesson. I do not want them to be discouraged and end up doing what their mother did. I have been persistent all these years because I wanted them to have a better chance at life than I did.

Chris told them that those rooms were permanently theirs and they are allowed to decorate them anyhow. As for me, I was told to choose whether I was still sleeping in that guest room or I am moving to the main bedroom. This actually means all the guest rooms are occupied, they are not guest rooms anymore.

Moving into the main bedroom seems like a big step but then again, I moved into his house, that was a huge step already. Although I only moved in because I did not have a choice.

This was actually a hard decision to make but I came to a conclusion that I am not ready to sleep on the same bed as him, not yet. I am not ready to do anything else with him, it is too soon for that. I told him that I would stay in the guest bedroom, at least until I am ready for the main bedroom. I just hope I did not offend him when I said that, I hope he understands my reasons.

Mavis said that she is happy that that we moved in, she was getting tired of cooking for one person. We actually laughed in the kitchen when she told me that, although she said it should stay between us. Mavis is a really nice woman. She is fun to be around and always makes me laugh. She told me a few things that Chris always does, and I laughed until my stomach hurt. Mavis has really seen a lot of things in this house and I think she knows Chris better than anyone. She said that she has been working here for seven years now and I am the first woman that he has ever asked to move in with him. I told myself that it is because he feels sorry for me and not because he loves me more than any woman he has ever been with. I don't want to get a big head.

Mavis looks like she is in her early forties, I am guessing a forty two or forty three. I would not ask her, I feel like it is disrespectful to ask a person their age. She is shorter than me though, and she always has these black tekkies whenever she comes to work.

She has really beautiful skin, she has that melanin color that everybody is fond of. Her eyelashes are short and light, you can hardly see them. She has really chubby cheeks which close her eyes whenever she laughs or smiles, she does that a lot. Her laugh is loud, and contagious. She is a very bubbly person. I do not think I could ever get bored when I am with her. I have noticed that she has a small tub of vaseline in the big pocket of apron, and pulls it out whenever her small lips get dry.

I went to my room and finally packed everything in the big white wardrobe built against the wall. I do not have much clothes so it does not get full. The only things that I hang up are my six pairs of jeans and two dresses that need ironing. The mustard dress that Zandile got for me and the blue one that Chris for my birthday. I hate ironing but I do not have a choice but to iron Naledi and Lesedi's uniforms.

My birthday was the best day ever. Even the days when my children were born were not the best days. With Lesedi I was afraid of the responsibilities that I was bound to face, regardless of the fact that Thabo spoilt me. I was afraid that I would not be able to raise a child properly without my mother's assistance and I just thought it would be a burden. I was only eighteen years old and from what I had heard, being a teenage mom is very challenging. It was very challenging but I got through it and I had a second born child. With her, I was afraid of what she was coming unto. It was too late to abort her so she had to come onto this world and experience the hardships I was facing. I was scared for her, I did not want her to suffer. I had too much worry of how I was going to support another being. I had no plan on how to do that.

As I am packing my clothes, I sing the song that has been playing in my mind the whole time since we got here. The storm is over by R.Kelly. My mother used to sing this song every time she found  solutions to problems, every time things worked out for her and every time she overcame her challenges. She had a disc and put it in the silver DVD player that we had, every one of those days. She would never let us touch that disc on a normal day. It was her victory song and she had a victory dance to go with it. It used to be fun in the kitchen. She would teach me how to cook and we would listen to the song, including the other songs by R. Kelly, Sign of a victory and I am the world's greatest. I'm the world's greatest was my favorite and we would sing loudly and my father would complain every time, the way he used to complain was hilarious.

We used to debate about how noisy we were whenever he was trying to relax and have a peaceful day. Those days were the good days. The days before my innocence was taken away from me, the days whereby I was not naïve. My small family used to have some happy times. That was  before my mother and I fought every day of the week about me coming home late and having bad friends and taking off without telling them where I was be going. Those days will be missed.

I continue to hum my song quietly and move a little bit. I am not a very good dancer, unless I am drunk.

I am starting to feel the song and I start leaving my clothes and start to clap and snap my fingers to the beat. This song is my victory song too, my dark days are finally over and it makes me the happiest woman and mother on earth.