A Mother's Struggle

Chapter 40

Mavis is not in today so I am left in the house alone. I am so bored. I really need a hobby, or maybe I should start working out. Just maybe.

Just as I am about to change the channel to National Geographic Channel, I hear the doorbell. Perfect timing! I wonder who it is.

I walk slowly to the door. I unlock it, open it and behind it is someone I am trying so hard to avoid. What did I do to deserve such torture? What the flip is Thabo doing here?

I shut the door before he can even say anything and he blocks it with his foot.

"Mmampho hear me out, please."

"Please leave." I scowl.

"Mmamp..."

"Thabo, I said leave!" My voice is harsh.

"We have to talk."

"Now you want to talk?" I fold my arms and lean against the counter.

"Please Mmampho."

"Ten years Thabo, ten years. After a whole decade, you want to talk. What exactly do you want to talk about? Don't you think you have caused enough damage in my life?" I attempt to shout at him, I know it's not working. I know I cannot. My voice seems to break into a whine, it better not.

There's a shift of emotion when I talk to this man right here. It feels weird, I don't tingle though. My heart is racing, I can't make out if it's from the anger, the hatred or something else that I cannot really put my finger on.
He tries to get closer and I mover further back, leaving the counter that I was leaning against. I do not want to talk to him. I want to shout at him, I want to make him feel bad for what he did to me, since karma did not work in my favour. I want to make him regret in my own way, if I have to, I want to smack him.

He has not changed physically, he seems to have gained a bit of weight though. Happy much?

"You are so selfish, you know that? Who leaves his pregnant girlfriend and child to roam on the streets? To impress another girl Thabo. I am glad you guys did not work out, I had a feeling you would not though. I loved you, you idiot. You just had to be cruel Thabo." I click my tongue at the end of my sentence and groan.

"Those two kids, are my kids?"
As soon as those words left his mouth, I threw the remote I had in my hand at him. He ducked and it hit the wall and the batteries scattered on the floor.
Lucky!

"Of course they are your flipping kids Thabo, you left me with two children and no support whatsoever, how do you think I survived?" I raise my arms in the air.

"Mmampho I am so sorry."

"No you are not sorry. You do not deserve any good thing that comes into your life, I do not understand how life did not get back at you for what you did. I hate life." My voice is higher.

"I mean this, please forgive me. I do not know what had gotten into me but I can assure you, I am a better person now and..."

"You are a better person when I do not need you to be? A better fiancé to Jessica? What about when I needed you? When your children needed you? Why did you have to abandon your offspring?" I interrupt his apology or explanation.

"I made a mistake."

"To hell with mistake Thabo." I bang my balled fists on the counter. I hate it when he gets to me like this. I hate how he still has the ability to control how I feel, even when we are not together anymore. Ten years later and this guy still sends shivers down my body, he makes me nervous. Am I insane?

"A mistake? A mistake when you kicked me out to impress your new girlfriend? What's a mistake? Next thing you are going to say, you did not mean it. But you did. Everything that happened on that day was planned, it was all to impress another girl. Forgetting that you took me out of my parents' house promising me the world, if only I knew that world meant abandoning me right after you use me, I would not have done that to my parents. You broke..." I run out of air, I breath and blink away the tears that are threatening to escape. I don't want to breakdown in front of Thabo. I am fuming right now.

"Mmampho I..."

"Shut the hell up Thabo! I want to finish. I was alone, all alone with a four year old and an unborn child. Your own and you knew that, your own children and you kicked us out and cut us out of your life. How was I supposed to feel? So your conscience had disappeared on that day? You didn't feel bad? That was so cruel of you. I do not understand which man that is right in his flipping mind would do such a thing. I was only twenty two years old, I did not finish school and I had no life. You were the only supporter I had, the person I thought I could always count on, you said you would always be there for me. Why would you lie to me like that? I literally slept on the streets, pregnant, what if Naledi had died? I was poor until your best friend took me in. Thabo why would you hu..."

I am interrupted by his lips locked into mine. The kiss came out of nowhere and almost knocked all wind from my lungs. His hand is cupping my face and there is a lot of emotion put into this kiss. It's haste and energetic. It sets a whole quick mood. The world around me has vanished and I can only feel his warm lips slammed against mine. My hands are on the counter as my support. I am dizzy, this was so unexpected. The mood suddenly changed. I can taste mint on his tongue as he tries to push it into my mouth. What the...

As soon as the world came into existence again, I pushed him off of me and wiped my lips.

"What are you doing, are you insane? You are engaged for goodness' sake and I am in a relationship with your best friend." I shout, as if I did not enjoy the five second kiss.

"I...I am so sorry. I do not know what got into me, Uh.." He stammers.

"Shut up!"  I sigh and facepalm myself.

Just like the old times, to ease the mood he would give me a haste kiss. A kiss full of energy and lust. He sure is still a great kisser. When he cupped my face, my heart melted, my blood went rushing all over my body and my whole body weakened. What is it that I am feeling? And why do I feel like this? I even have goosebumps and it freaks me out.

I do not have the energy to shout at him anymore. I am confused, his little sly deed really gave me mixed emotions.

"Thabo please leave!" I groan.

"I need to know that you forgive me. I cannot have you act all weird whenever I am around, we have to move on. Please forgive me, let us put this behind us and please let me have a relationship with my children." There is humbleness in his tone, he is begging.

"Would you just leave, please."

He turns to the door, but before he goes through it, he gazes at me. Sadness is covering his eyes, I won't fall for his tricks. I do not want trouble.