A Mother's Struggle

Chapter 38

If I tell Chris what is actually bothering me, is it going to make things awkward between them? I know he saw me, I know he remembers me but was he planning on telling Chris?
I feel like their friendship will have some tint of awkwardness. Or maybe I should talk to Mavis and ask for advice.

When Chris got in here last night with my water, I pretended to be asleep. Only to avoid the questions. He then put my water on the drawer, switched off the light and shut the door.

As soon as he left, I curled up under the blankets and started sobbing again. I took a gulp of the water but it did not help me calm down. I made sure that everybody was asleep before I could throw the glass against the wardrobe. The shattering sound of the glass sounded pretty much like my heart, I would like to assume. I was glad when nobody came to my room to ask questions. I needed to be alone. I really thought I was over this.

I cleaned the glass pieces early in the morning before anyone could wake up and ask questions.

I am looking at myself in the mirror and I see my heavy eye bags and my eyes are still red. Anybody from miles away can see that I was crying the whole night. I had a nightmare about him being in my bed, twice. I hardly got some sleep last night.

I step into the shower, my toes flinch as they touch the cold ceramic floor.

No matter how hard I try, I cannot get his face out of my mind. My mind is in shreds. I pull the lever and the water falls like a water fall from the shower head. The lukewarm water feels good on my body. The water is the perfect temperature and pressure, and it eases my muscles since I got no sleep. My eyes close over and over, each time showing me the images like photographs, taken from perfect angles. The lighting was perfect and so was the back drop, that is what makes a perfect photograph isn't it?

I switch off the water, step out of the shower and dry myself. I do everything so slowly.  I am surprised I did not cry in the shower.

After all that, I go to Mavis downstairs. I walked down the stairs slowly, cautious that I might fall. It never mattered before.

Mavis is doing the dishes, while humming the song she always hums whenever she is in the kitchen. My arms are folded in front of me, I am still battling within myself if whether I should tell Mavis or not. What about my children? They deserve to know. Where are they anyway?

"Hey Mavis." I greet, wearing my fakest smile.
Luckily, she is too focused on making the pots squeaky clean to notice me.

"Hi dear, want to help?" She asks.

"I just need Chris' sparkling wine. I am sorry." I tell her.

"The Prosecco? Is it hangover from last night?" She asks me.

I do not know the names of these wines, and I definitely do not think I need to know them.

"Yea, something like that." I tell her, shrugging my shoulders and she takes it from the wine rack and places it on the counter for me, with the glass too which she rinses before.
The wine bottle is covered with the foam from her dishes and she immediately takes a dish cloth to wipe it.

I open the bottle and pour a half full glass.

"Hey you, that's a lot." She tells me.

"Please don't fight with me over this, I need it." I tell her.

The last thing I need is her boring speech about how alcohol will damage my insides.

I hear a knock on the door and before Mavis attempts to leave her dishes to go and open, I nod and assure her that I will open.

I open the door and my glass of wine drops to the floor immediately when I notice the person in front of me. I did not even take a sip of that.
He's here. Why is he here?