A Mother's Struggle

Chapter 59

I slept in Thabo's room last night. He has really changed. Even the way he sleeps changed.

I used to watch him sleep when we were still new lovers. When I would lie to my parents that I am going over to Nina's house to study for the whole night. I did that all the time just to go and see Thabo. Those are the small risks that I used to take just to see him.

I watched him sleep, right after we did what lovers do. His right arm would be straight, under his head then his left hand would lay perpendicularly on the right arm. His lips would be slightly parted while he let out soft snores, I found them really cute.
Last night, I did not even hear the snores, the lips were not parted too and his arms were on his sides.

I loved it when he wrapped his other arm around me and pulled me close. Oh Gosh! I missed this soul so much.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks me, he also takes in my hand and starts fiddling with my fingers.

"Nothing." I purse my lips.

"You do know that I can still tell when you lie right?"

He used to say that before we had children. I was told that I am hard to read when I lie.
I am very touched that he still knows me or somehow we are still connected.

"I was just reminiscing about the old times and how I used to watch you sleep." I graze on my bottom lip with my tongue, then I tuck it in between my teeth.

"Wow! Really?"

"Maybe." I chuckle, then bite my lip again.

I sit up right and play with his hair.

"Do you think that we only re-united because of fate, that we were, uh...meant to be?" I ask, trying to avoid eye-contact.

"I do not know, I never believed in fate actually. Although it makes sense that way, I guess."

"Okay." My response is soft. I was not really expecting that response but I respect his honesty.

"Do you think it is fate?" He asks.

"Yes, totally. I met you after ten years and I was dating your best friend. We meet again? In the craziest way possible. Your engagement was cancelled a little while after that and your best friend messed things up with me too, the events were consecutive. It is definitely fate." I respond, with enthusiasm in my voice.

He then clears his throat, lets go of my hand then he stands up.
Uh-oh!

"Uh, I am going to take a shower."
He goes to his bathroom and leaves me alone on the bed.
I think I made things awkward for him, why did I have to bring up his engagement? I can be so insensitive. Ugh!

I make the bed and also head to the shower that everybody uses. I let the lukewarm water run on my back and I pour too much shower gel on my wash cloth.
Raspberry! Nice smell.

...

He walks in from work and finds me reading a magazine. I have been reading my BONA magazine ever since I came back from Mavis' neighborhood. Again, not her house, I had errands to run around where she lives. That is where I bought it. Lesedi left the house when I left and he said that he will come back later, I am still waiting for him.

The person who just walked through the door, is my handsome man in his formal wear and a way better briefcase compared to Chris'. It's not archaic, you can tell that it was manufactured in the 2000s. I am just being honest.

I place my magazine on the table and go to the kitchen to warm Thabo's food for him. I set the timer on the microwave to warm for one minute then I give the food to Thabo, and pour guava juice for him.

I cooked mealie meal, and roasted the chicken. I hope he likes it. I stole the recipe for the roasted chicken from the magazine that I have been reading. I am calling it 'stealing' because I will take credit for everything, including the recipe. I hope I did everything right, he has to enjoy it.

The chicken looks a little golden, not like the picture displayed in the magazine but close. I did my best here. I cooked to ease the mood, since I made him feel uncomfortable during our talk in the morning.

I made tomato gravy too, the one my grandmother taught me how to make when I was eleven years old. Best moments. My grandma was the best when it came to cooking.
I shared a very special bond with that woman. I was closer to her than I was to my own mother, even though I lived with my mother. I was so devastated when she passed on.

I had just turned fourteen years old, it felt like my life was on a pause for that time. I remember that I did not want food for three days because I thought that if I did not eat, God would bring back grandma. He never did. I had the worst days at school and I missed her on a daily basis. Everything around me would remind me of her.

Lesedi walks in and I also tell him where to get his food. He tells me that he wants to eat in his bedroom and I let him. Naledi walks in an hour later.

After two hours of watching tv and reading this magazine, I make my way to my bedroom.
I have another magazine that I would like to read while lying on the bed, I have been sitting on the sofa for way too long.

After a few minutes of reading and reminiscing on the bed, Thabo walks in.

"Hey beautiful."

"Hi semi-handsome." I blush and tease.

"Semi? Would you have fallen for me if I was?" He is drunk, I can tell by the way he is leaning against the door for support, if it was to be removed, he would fall very hard and crack his skull. Okay perhaps I am exaggerating, but he would surely fall.

"Yes, I never fell for your looks honey."

"Okay." He shrugs and sits next to me.
I pretend as if I am reading something on the magazine just to avoid eye-contact. My cheeks flush. He reeks of alcohol.

In split seconds he takes the magazine from my hands and places it besides me then starts kissing me.

The pace started out slow and it increased with every motion. I can taste the alcohol on his tongue and I start wondering how much he drank. I noticed that he almost fell when he was walking towards the bed.

The pace gets faster, then faster, then faster.

"Uh Jess." He whispers into my mouth and for a second there I thought that I heard wrong.
"Jess." He does it again after a couple of seconds and I pause.
What the...!

"Did you just call me Jess?" I ask knowing that there is no way that I heard wrong. I squint my eyes and raise an eyebrow. He definitely did.

"What?"

"Did you just call me Jessica?" I repeat my question, with emphasis on her name this time.

"No, absolutely not." He lies, I can tell by the way he rapidly blinks his eyes.

"Thabo, don't lie, I heard you. Why would you call me with your ex-fiancé's name?"

"Mmampho I..."

I stand up and throw my pillow at him, he loses his balance that he kept with his hand and falls to the bed.

"Ugh man!" I shout and shut the door then make my way to the bathroom.