A Mother's Struggle

Chapter 62

I walk through the door and people are here, having glasses in their hands and some clinking the glasses together and having a good time. As soon as everybody notices me, they turn to me and clap hands. I hear someone saying, "the woman of the hour has arrived."

Woman of the hour? I am in pajamas for goodness' sake. My hands start to get sweaty and I take in both my children's hands and squeeze them hard. I hope that it helps calm my nerves. I do not know whether to get in or just wait for Chris to tell me to go upstairs. Where is Chris anyway? All his friends are here, watching me and calling me the lady of the hour. My kids are not nervous nor shocked, or maybe it's because they are not wearing any pajamas so they are not embarrassed. Probably.

I spot Chris and he presses the remote in his hands and turns on the television. An image of him and Angela appears and he presses again, it's a video.
This is the day I left him, I remember the precise clothes that he was wearing.

"Why are you with her anyway? Chris you know that she is just a charity case to you, admit it. You like helping so much that you feel like you could drain the poverty out of her, stop making people your tasks. You know that we are meant to be together," Angela says to Chris on the video.
My eyelids prick with tears and I want to run out of the house or up the stairs. Why is he showing me this? Is this some type of mockery? 

I know that I really hurt you the other day but embarrassing me in front of your friends is not the way to go Chris.

I try to run out of the door but Lesedi grips my hand harder and when I look at him, he shakes his head, signing for me to stay.

"So what Angela? What do you want me to say? You are the one that I want Angela? I would not do that to Mmampho, she is not just a charity case to me. I love her deeply and you and I are over and will always be. Mmampho is the woman in my life and will forever be, she is the one that deserves my love after all." Chris replies.

"I want you to say?" Angela asks him.

"You are the one that I want? I would not..." Chris pauses the video and this is the part where they both looked up at me and Chris ran to me.

So this is the camera footage of that day. Chris has cameras in his house, how come I never noticed?

I overheard the part that Angela wanted me to hear, she asked Chris that question knowing that I was watching. She knew that it would make me angry. Angela is so conniving. So Chris loves me after all, he never lied to me about his feelings. I left before he could explain to me. I feel so bad, now it feels like I cheated on him with Thabo. I went and lived with another man for two months and never listened to Chris when he tried to explain to me.

The tear is already on my chin when I realize that I am crying. I always do this, I always get emotional.

"What about her sleeping with you?" I ask, folding my arms with sass, ignoring the tears in my eyes.

"What? Sleep with Angela, I would never do that. She lied to you. She wanted you to leave me Mmampho."

Trust is another aspect of a healthy relationship but I never showed Chris that, I failed. I believed Angela, I believed the little piece that I heard and that makes me unworthy of his love right? The fact that I could not stay by his side and trust him makes me unworthy of his love. He told me to trust him before and I just keep letting him down.

"I love this woman so much and I never want to lose her. I mean this, I would never do anything to hurt you and you have to believe me. I am not some poet who is going to spit some strong poetic lines so that you fall for me again or get back together with me but I hope you can see through me that I mean it when I say I love you. I would love to spend the rest of my life with you Mmampho Mokoena. Will you marry me?"

I did not even notice that Angela was standing at the door. Everybody is staring at her and she has her hands on her face showing disbelief.

This time, her beautiful body does not matter, her long nails, gorgeous heels, beautiful outfit, attractive face-beat or whatever that she has on to make herself look beautiful. If her heart is that evil, all those do not matter. I can only see her black, conniving heart now and my facial expression changes by just seeing her face. It's the face I would make if I smelt rotten cheese.
All those nice features about her, hides her evil heart. She tries so hard with her make-up and stuff to hide it from the public. Luckily I can see it now, and so does Chris.

"Yes, yes, yes! I will marry you." She exclaims and everybody stares at her.

I slightly laugh at how she just embarrassed herself in front of everybody. She probably walked in when Chris started his speech so she knows nothing about what happened prior to that, she probably did not see me too. Or maybe the image on the screen made her think that they were talking about her.
I would hate to be in her position.

"Mmampho Mokwena, will you make me the happiest man on earth and be my wife?" Chris emphasizes who the question was for, he emphasizes this as Angela brought her hand forward for the ring. She was totally ignored and I swear this makes me happy. A smirk appears on my face.
In your face Angela!

Her face just shows how mortified she is so she groans and runs out of the door and everybody in the building laughs, including Chris and my children.

Now everybody is staring at me, my kids left my hands and they are also staring, putting me on the spotlight. Lesedi nudges me and I ignore him. I am shy, and I do not know what to say.

"Uh...hey everyone. I do not know what to say." I chuckle.

"Say yes," two people scream and I have no idea who they are.
I did not even notice that Jessica is here. Is she okay? I feel so bad that she had to break off an engagement and I tried to replace her.

I go up to the stairs, I have a speech to make about this wonderful man. He is still on his knee and I pull him by his hand to stand up.

"This was totally unexpected, judging from the fact that I am wearing pyjamas. I am sorry if I am being a total weirdo right now." I chuckle again, and my cheeks flush in the process.

"I battled within myself to find out what I feel for Chris. I thought maybe I use him to console myself, to comfort myself because I have had nobody for the past ten years. I have learnt the difference between love and infatuation during my relationship with Chris. I learnt that infatuation does not last, unlike love that is supposed to be eternal and unconditional. I lied to Chris, he still forgave me, understood the circumstances. I failed to trust him, he is still here reaching out to me. Chris is giving me unconditional love but I could not. I ran out the moment I misheard his conversation with Angela, who just..." I laugh.

"Who just walked out of here. But when he heard that I lied to him about my poverty, he stayed and supported me. When he found out that my ex is back, he still supported me but I ran right to that ex and I feel so bad. I am unworthy of your love Chris and I am so sorry for the heartache that I caused you." I am gazing at this handsome man, he is blinking his tears away. I want to see him cry, right here, right now. Okay, maybe not in front of his friends.

"I am truly sorry. You took my children to school, even though I left you. You put my happiness first, just besides yours and I thank you for that. You were always there for me." I pause.

What I feel for Chris is love. I just have a different way of showing it because of what I have been through I guess. That is a bad excuse.

"I love you so much Chris and I will forever do, I promise. I promise to forever be your friend when you need me, to forever support you and to forever love you."

One tear escapes my eye and rashly makes its way down my cheek. I sniff and someone gives me facial tissue. It's Jessica and I am glad to know that she does not hold grudges.

"But..." I pause and stare at him.

"But I cannot marry you Chris."

**************The End*********************
(To find out more, check out the sequel titled "A Mother's Pride" on my profile. Thank you.)