Nathaniel's point of view
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I wasn't a badass. Not as what other thinks about me before. Not...until I lost my younger brother's trust.
All I did before is to make him happy and to protect him even if it means i'll sacrifice my own happiness. But everything changed when he thought that I flirted with the girl he loved. I never thought that Kelly's simple actions for me means a lot to her 'coz instead of liking my younger bother, it's me she wanted to be with. Hindi ko alam. Ang tanging gusto ko lang ay maging kaibigan siya, para na rin tulungan ang aking kapatid sa kaniya. Pero tila iba ang naging takbo ng lahat.
Naging malamig ang pakikitungo ng aking kapatid sa akin. Hindi tulad noon. I tried to fix everything, but I screwed up. Doon nagsimulang magbago ang lahat.
I always find myself hanging out with different girls on different night clubs. And worst, I always ended up naked on different beds. I was so down and frustrated that time. I lost focus that's why I decided to leave the country and live by myself abroad. I handled our business abroad. And while I was there, I can't help but to think about my family, specially my brother. Pero wala akong nagawa. Yes, nag-uusap naman kami, pero hindi na gaya ng dati. Wala akong maisip na dahilan para maging ganoon siya. I tried to explain to him, pero iniignora at binabago lamang niya palagi ang aming usapan. Kaya naman, nagsimula na ring lumayo ang loob ko sa kaniya. Nagsimula na ring mamuo ang galit sa puso ko. If he can build walls in between us, well...kaya ko rin.
Sa paglipas ng panahon, hindi ko namalayang unti-unti na rin akong nagbago. Ginugol ko lahat ng oras at panahon ko sa trabaho. Hindi ko hinayaan ang sinumang walang interes sa trabaho ang magtagal sa kompanyang iniingatan ng pamilya ko. If they messed up, they'll be fired. Simple as that. Siguro ako na ang pinakamasamang boss para sa kanila, but that's life. Walang permanente. Everything is all temporary.
Nawalan rin ako ng interes sa babae. I don't give time to any single woman, kahit na malalim pa ang pagkagusto sa akin. Kahit na, halos wala ka nang hihilingin pa. Wala, eh. Nawalan na ako ng gana.
Not until one day noong kausap ko si mama. We're talking through video calls everytime, pero isang beses, may isang babae ang dumaan sa kaniyang likuran. A woman with a long wavy hair. Hindi ko masyadong nakita ang kaniyang mukha. That's why I asked my mother who the girl is. And she told me that it was Llana, tito Lance and tita Odette's youngest daughter. Definitely, my cousin. Nawala ang interes ko sa kaniya dahil sa pinsan ko siya. Pero nang malaman ko ang kwento niya, muling bumalik ang interes ko sa kaniya. I wanted to know her. I am an inquisitive person, so I wanted to know everything about her. Then, my mom told me everything. Every single thing about her.
She also told me that she's too close with my brother. Agad nag-init ang ulo ko noon. I don't know why. I just hate the fact that they're happy together. Noong una inisip ko na baka malapit lang sila bilang magpinsan, because that's how we should think about it, right? Na pinsan namin siya. Pero hindi, eh. Sinabi ni mama sa'kin na iba ang pakikitungo ni Kassian kay Llana. That, it wasn't just a treat for a cousin, but for someone you really likes. And guess what, wala man lang sinabi si mama. Parang gusto niya pa silang dalawa. Like what the hell! Pinsan nga 'diba? Kahit hindi tunay na kadugo, pinsan pa rin.
Mula noon, hindi na mawala sa isip ko ang batang 'yon. Yes, bata. I am five years older than her. And so my brother is four. Ewan ko ba. Walang araw na hindi ko tinitignan ang picture niya. Ang picture niya na sinend ni mama na sinave ko pa. I don't know why I did that. I just found myself staring at her beautiful face in the picture. She's really beautiful with her smokey eyes, pointed nose and rosy lips. She looks so pure and innocent, I can say. But, she's a little bit snob. I proved it when I came back.
That's why I get mad everytime I saw her. Dahil hindi niya ako kayang bigyan ng kahit kaunting atensyon. Hindi tulad ng atensyon na binibigay niya sa kapatid ko. It's obvious. Gusto niya rin si Kassian. Hindi ko lang alam kung ano ang pumipigil sa kaniya para aminin ito. Wala namang hahadlang, Llana. Ako lang!
I tried to forget what I feel for her, pero ang hirap. Lalo na't kami lamang ang natitira sa mansion bukod sa mga driver at kasambahay. I tried to insult her, to piss her off, para makakuha ako ng isang bagay na pwedeng ayawan sa kaniya. But I always failed. Masyado siyang mabait. She's too soft. At sa t'wing ginagawa ko 'yon sa kaniya, sinong sinasaktan ko? Sarili ko lang din naman. Knowing that the woman you like is crying because of you? Wala nang mas sasakit doon.
"So, what are we gonna do now, huh?" Kelly said womanly.
Hinahaplos niya ang aking dibdib habang tinatanggal sa pagkakabutones ang aking polo.
She tried to reach for my neck and kiss it, pero agad akong humakbang ng isa paatras. I held her hand and smiled.
"Kelly, stop." I stopped her.
"What? Are we not supposed to do something up here, Nate?" she said seductively.
I took another step backward.
"Really, Nate? What's wrong with you!" she said annoyingly.
The truth is, I brought her here just to piss Llana off. I brought her to make Llana jealous. But it seems she's not. Or maybe...I should do something more that'll annoy her. Hindi pa sapat ang pinakita kong halikan namin bago ko tanggihan ang higit pang gustong mangyari ni Kelly ngayon.
"Change your clothes," I demanded her.
I made her changed her clothes so Llana would think that we made something that I won't really do. Not with Kelly. Though, i'm using her now, she's still my brother's first love.
That time, akala ko magseselos siya. Akala ko magre-react siya kahit paano. But I can't see any reaction from her face.
She chose to be with my brother, again.
I'm so tired. Tired of work and...tired of trying to forget someone who I can't really forget.
So, I think, I really need to tell her the truth. To tell how I really feel for her.
And guess what, after she heard my confession, she just left. She left me hanging. I am not expecting her to tell me that she likes me, too. Pero masakit pa rin. Masakit pa rin malaman na hindi ka kayang gustuhin pabalik ng taong gusto mo. But I won't give up. I'll try my best to make her fall. I'll make her fall for me, fall hard that she can't even take her eyes of me any single second.
