Llana's point of view
Sorry
"Are you okay, Llana? You're spacing out...kanina pa," Kassian asked worriedly.
I was mad...and a little bit hurt. I don't know what's with him. Hindi ko na rin alam ang paniniwalaan sa kaniya.
Nagagalit ako sa kaniya pero umaasa akong may eksplenasyon kung bakit sila magkasama.
Actually, he has nothing to explain. I am not his girlfriend. Pwede niyang gawin lahat ng gusto niya. At pwede niyang makasama ang kahit na sino bukod sa akin.
He told me that he likes me, but he never told me that he loves me.
There is a big difference between liking and loving a person. You can like a person without loving him. And sometimes, you can love a person even if you don't like him.
Liking and loving is really confusing.
"Oo naman," I faked a smile.
Matapos mag-lunch ay naglakad-lakad naman kami sa buong bayan.
Kinakausap ako ni Kassian pero ang utak ko parang lumilipad. The image of Kelly and Nathaniel was still vivid on my mind. At may kung anong kumikirot sa dibdib ko kapag naiisip ko iyon.
When we got home, agad akong nagpaalam kay Kassian na aakyat na ako sa kwarto ko.
"Ihahatid na kita," he offered.
Pagpasok ko sa loob ay marahang sinarado niya ang pinto.
Binagsak ko ang aking sarili sa aking kama nang biglang bumukas muli ang pintuan ng aking silid. Agad akong bumaling sa kung sino at halos kumawala ang puso ko nang makita kung sino ang nasa loob ng silid ko ngayon.
His eyes were darted on me. Madilim ang kaniyang mga mata at seryoso ang kaniyang mukha. Umigting ang kaniyang panga at humakbang palapit pa sa akin.
"W-why are you h-here,"
Tumayo ako at halos manlambot ang mga paa ko habang nakatayo.
"A-anong ginagawa mo dito?" I asked him again.
Hindi siya sumagot. Nakapamulsa na siya ngayon habang titig na titig sa akin.
"Bingi ka ba, huh! Sumagot ka, pwede rin namang umalis ka na lang," I said exasperatingly.
I was like a dumbfounded here. Para akong kumakausap ng isang taong bingi at pipi.
"Let's talk about what happened earlier. I'll explain my side and you explain yours," his voice was soft and husky.
I rolled my eyes on him. Tinalikuran ko rin siya.
"We have nothing to talk about. And we don't need to explain what happened." I replied.
I heard him took another steps. Pakiramdam ko ngayon ay sobrang lapit niya na sa akin.
"We have so many things to talk about, baby. At isa na 'dun ang pagseselos mo. Let's see what I can do about it, hm." It was almost a whisper.
I swallowed hard and tried to calm myself.
Hinarap ko siya.
"Haha. Really? Ako, magseselos? Ano na namang tinira mo ngayon, Nathaniel?" I told him with sarcasm.
He greeted his teeth.
"It's Nathaniel now, huh."
I rolled my eyes again.
"What i'm trying to say is, hindi ako nagseselos. At bakit naman naisip mong magseselos ako, huh? I don't even like you," nag-iwas ako ng tingin ng sambitin ko ang huling pangungusap.
"Talaga ba, Llana? Dahil sa kinikilos mo, kitang-kita ko ang inis at selos na nararamdaman mo, eh."
I can't even take a glance of him. I lost my words. Damn!
"Now tell me, hindi ka ba talaga nagseselos sa lagay na 'yan? Kasi wala akong pakialam kung hindi mo ako gusto. I'll make you fall for me, then. Try me, baby."
I looked in his eyes.
"Hindi ko ako gusto pero nagseselos ka, tama ba ako?" he smirked. "Hindi mo pa ako gusto, pero gusto mo sa'yo lang ako." he chuckled.
Sobrang nag-iinit ang pisngi ko sa mga pinagsasabi ng lalaking 'to. Nakakainis. Wala akong maisagot.
"Don't worry, baby. I'm yours...even if you are not yet mine." he added affectionately.
Hindi ko namalayan na isang mahigpit na yakap na ang nakapulupot sa aking katawan ngayon. His warm embrace gives me a different mixture of feelings and emotions. Kanina lang, galit ako sa kaniya. Ngayon, niyayakap ko na rin siya. Masyado ba akong marupok kung ganoon?
"I wasn't informed that she's in Manila. Naroon sina mama at papa, at naroon si Kelly. They heard na uuwi rin si Kelly rito kaya pinasabay na sa akin. But please, i'm begging you to believe me, baby. Hindi kami nagkasama o nagkita manlang noong gabi."
This is the nth-time nang pagkukwento niya sa totoong nangyari. Natatawa na lang ako imbes na makinig sa sinasabi niya, eh.
"Seriously, Llana, you're just mocking on me?" he said a little bit annoyed.
Tumigil ako sa lihim na pagngisi at pagtawa at nagkunyaring seryoso.
"Sorry,"
"Ts. Ngayon ikaw naman. Tell me what happened between you and my bastard brother,"
Nagtaas ako ng kilay.
"Well, wala namang nangyari sa'min-"
"Fuck! And you wished something to happen between you two? You're drivin' me crazy, Llana."
"Wait. What? No." I defended myself. "It's not like that, Nathaniel-"
"Nate, Llana. Call me Nate for fucking sake."
I laughed again.
"Okay, fine." I chuckled. "Ang sinasabi ko lang naman, wala namang nangyari. When he arrived here, nagkamustahan lang. Then, he invited me kanina na mamasyal." I explained while he's listening to every single word I say, attentively.
"At sumama ka naman,"
"Why not?"
"I told you i'll come home today, tapos makikita lng kita sa port kasama siya? That bastard is really pissing me off," he's pointing out his brother.
"Namasyal lang naman-"
Bago ko pa matapos ang aking sasabihin, kinulong niya akong muli sa kaniyang yakap.
"I'm sorry. Hindi ko talaga gustong kasama mo siya. Naiinis ako,"
Unti-unti ay nag-angat rin ang mga braso ko para yakapin siya.
"A-ayos lang."
"I am clingy and jealous type of boyfriend, baby."
I chortled.
"Hindi pa naman kita boyfriend, eh."
Kumalas siya sa kaniyang yakap at tinignan ako.
"Hindi.pa." he emphasized that two words. "Kanina sinabi ko sa'yo na sa'yo lang ako, kahit na hindi ka sa'kin. Ngayon, binabawi ko na ang sinabi ko,"
My brows furrowed.
"Dahil simula ngayon, akin ka lang. Ang oras mo, ang atensyon mo. Lahat sa'yo, akin lang. Remember that."
