ғᴏᴏᴛsᴛᴇᴘs | ᴋᴍ ✔︎

Tobin's Help

"Too often, the only escape is sleep."
- BUKOWSKI, Charles

"Mmm, it's been a while." I hear the deep voice rumble in the darkness. It's cold as I lie facedown on the rotten floorboards. "I've missed you."

I try and fight to free myself, but his hands tighten around my arms as he plants his knee into my back, rendering my efforts pointless.

My nose begins to fill with the smell of mold and damp wood from the floorboards. The more I move the more pressure he adds, resulting in my face scraping on the wood beneath me.

"I love it when you fight, I've missed your frisky side," he whispers in my ear, his hot breath on my skin making me shudder. "I'm sorry, my love. Are you in pain?" He asks though his voice is void of any genuine concern. "Would you like some of these to make you feel better?"

I hear silence. Then the shaking of a pill bottle.

Lifting my head up from the stench-riddled flooring, I see I'm in an old bedroom. Not just any bedroom, it's their  bedroom. The one room on this earth that I hate the most.

Littering the floor are more than a dozen pill bottles.

As I reach for the bottle it glows with a bright white light, as if my saviour. I don't question it until I feel a familiar pain below.

The same pain he always inflicted upon me when my aunt wasn't home.

"Oh, yeah. I've missed you so much, my little slut."

The torture seems to go on forever until he kicks me in the ribs, his usual signal to let me know he's finished...for now.

I hear a door close to my left, and take it as my chance. I use my upper body strength to drag the limp and bloodied lower half of my body along the ground.

"Oh, shit." I bite my lip to swallow the scream as a burning sensation rips through my thigh. I inspect my leg, rolling over carefully to find a large piece of wood that ripped from the rotten flooring, finding a new home in my thigh. My blood wastes no time in pouring out. Simple biology lessons telling me I have an artery in that location.

"You'll never get out." His voice returns, but I can't see him.

I start crawling on my one good leg, my desired destination still the pill bottle. I hear the sudden rattle of a bottle before I feel it hit my arm.

"Go ahead. Get high, you fucking junkie."

The pain begins to tear me to pieces, and despite my mind telling my body not to, I open the bottle and empty the contents into my mouth.

"You're a disgrace. You're nothing without that last name."

"Cody."

"You were better off with me. You weren't a junkie before you met that so-called mother of yours."

"Cody!"

"She doesn't love you, you know that right? You're just the pity child, the child that she never wanted."

"That's not true." I mutter as the pills begin to eat away at my conscience, leaving me with a floating, peaceful feeling. Now I don't care. I know I've missed this.

"It is. You know it is. You've done nothing for her, why would she give a shit about you? You think she even remembers you when she's out in Orlando living her life? Outta sight outta mind. But ya know something else, little Cody?" He asks as he runs a single finger down my arm. "You're always on my mind."

"CODY!"

I jolt awake, drenched in sweat, to find an extremely concerned Tobin standing over me. She doesn't speak as I sit up to rub the sweat off my brow and try to catch my breath.

"Are you okay?" She finally asks, but judging by the look on her face, she knows it's a dumb question.

When I don't answer she seems to hesitate before climbing into my bed beside me, and places her hands on my face, forcing me to look at her.

"You're okay. It was just a nightmare."

"It wasn't."

She throws me a questioning look, a look in itself that holds a thousand queries, and I find myself explaining my nightmare. I don't leave out a single detail, not because I wanted to tell her, but because I just couldn't stop talking.

By the end she pulls me into an embrace I didn't know I craved. Tobin continues to hold me for the next half hour, whispering sweet nothings, and slightly rocking me back and forth like you would to settle a baby.

"Are you ready to go back to sleep? I need to call Alex." She tells me and tries to stand, when I grab her hand.

"No, don't go."

"Cody, I-"

"Please. Don't leave me alone and...please don't tell my mom."

"I can't not  tell her, Cody."

"But...can you stay? I don't want to be alone." I admit as I play with my fingers in an attempt to adapt to the new level of vulnerability I'm feeling with my other mother.

After contemplating her next move, she finally settles back into my bed, "Okay, I'll stay. But we're telling your mom about this, agreed?"

I don't answer, I just throw myself into her arms. Arms that feed me the safety I need at the moment.

"And you're not going to training tomorrow."

"But we have a game coming up." I mumble as I start to feel drowsy.

"You're. Not. Going."

"Okay, okay." I grumble.

As I drift off to sleep, I pray that I don't encounter anymore nightmares, any reunions with my uncle. The last thing I remember before I succumb to the darkness is the taste of pills in my mouth.