ғᴏᴏᴛsᴛᴇᴘs | ᴋᴍ ✔︎

Ashes

"You pick up the pieces, I'll bring the glue."
- Public Enemy

Sitting on the beach, the sun beginning to set on the horizon, Cody sat cradling the urn with Zeus' ashes. She didn't want to be one of those people who keep their dead pets on a mantle to be forever reminded of happier times, like a morbid photograph with no smiles. However, she couldn't stand the thought that she embarked on aroadtrip with Zeus and not being able to leaving with him too.

So she bought the urn, and hasn't let it go for hours.

In her life of pain and misery, being hurt and cheated on, death of someone she dearly loved was a new experience to her, and she had no idea on how to deal with it. That's how she found herself staring at the ocean, Blue lying next to her, occasionally whining and nudging her leg with his head.
Kristie sat next to her, softly running a hand up and down Cody's back in efforts of comforting her, the odd stray tear falling from the younger girls' eyes tell the Dash player she's failing, but her actions don't cease.

The incessant snapping of the rubber band on her wrist keeps Cody's mind from wandering too far down a bad path. She had one coping strategy, and she was trying her best not to go down that road again. After months, years really, of fighting for her sobriety and in simpler terms - her life - her mind was working hard on trying to avoid even thinking of painkillers, or alcohol.

"I've never felt like this before," Cody mumbles, subconsciously gripping the urn closer to her chest. The once cold metal now warm to touch. "It hurts."

Instinctively, Kristie wraps her arm around the Morgan girl, holding her tight as she makes eye contact with Alex a little further down the beach but she's close enough for Kristie to see the Pride pro has her bottom lip between her teeth, her brow furrowed with worry.

A small 'come here' hand motion from Kristie sees Alex taking her place and the mother seems less anxious now that she's able to actively take care of her daughter.

"Does it always hurt this much?" Cody mumbles, finally tearing her eyes from the sea to look at her mother. Her eyes are red and bags are already beginning to appear beneath her eyes. The cool, steel grey irises of Cody's eyes are uncharacteristically dull, and it breaks Alex's heart.

Lost for words momentarily, Alex can only squeeze her daughter in her arms and fumble out a meek, "Unfortunately."

The two, and Blue, sat there until well after the sun set and the stars began to shine. It was beautiful, but it was all lost on Cody as she continued to snap the band on her wrist.

"Does it help?" Alex asks, taking any chance she can to get to know her daughter more.

"When it really begins to hurt, yeah."

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Alex asks once more, running a hand through Cody's now messy dark hair, courtesy of the ocean breeze, her nails scraping her daughter's scalp. She was about to apologize, before seeing the look of content on Cody's face, her eyes closed. She finally looked at peace, even if only for a moment.

Shrugging slightly, Cody opens her eyes to peer into Alex's. "Do you really want to know?"

Alex nodded softly, she could tell by the exhaustion in her daughter's eyes that whatever answer she would get would be the truth.

Glancing down at her wrist, red from the snapping of the band, Cody sighs. "I've never felt like this, even after them, after Kristie, after the injury, after rehab...this is just pure pain. I don't know what to do. I don't want to do anything. I don't want it to be real. I want to wake up tomorrow and find this is just an awful nightmare."

Cody pauses only to choke on a sob as Alex wipes away a stray tear from her daughter's face with the pad of her thumb.

Alex is instantly reminded of her own awful nightmare.

"It helps." Cody lifts up her reddened wrist for Alex to see. "Usually when I feel anxious, but it does the trick whenever I think about something else—"

"You mean taking the edge off?" Alex asks in a tone that tells Cody she already knows the answer.

"Yeah." The younger brunette glances back to the sea. "It's hard. The thought only has to pass my mind for a split second for it to stick. I can feel it in my bones, like a voice in the back of my head telling me 'oh, go on, one more won't make a difference, just one more'. Like an itch I can't scratch. Zeus helped me ignore it, and now that he's gone...well, I guess a rubber band will have to do."

Alex takes Cody's hand in her own to inspect her daughter's wrist, gently rubbing the red skin with her thumb before pressing a soft kiss upon the area.

"You're staying here," Alex insisted, her tone firm. She knew Cody was planning to leave in a few days, just before calls were to start going out to those who were selected for the Olympic team. As proud as Cody would be, she couldn't handle that, not when she's still working on getting match fit after a season ending injury. "I'm not taking no for an answer, I already took your car keys from the tray at the front door, and I've hidden them."

"Mom–"

"You're in no condition to drive and no, Kristie isn't driving you either. So, you're staying."

"I don't need a babysitter," Cody grumbled as some of her stubborness overpowered her grief, a sliver of light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

"I'm not your babysitter. I'm your mother." Is all Alex said as she planted a kiss on Cody's forehead, before taking one of Cody's hands in hers and hoisting the younger woman to her feet, and with an arm over her daughter's shoulder and Blue at their backs, Alex guides Cody home.

A/N - Sorry for the slow updates, I've been struggling. Hoping to get this wrapped up by the end of the year. Stay safe!