HATE ME ❙ Eren ✘ Reader

Hate me ║ Amends

Next day was our first whole day at the camp. It was sunny and pretty hot outside so I decided to wear airy clothing. I had no idea what we were supposed to do, until we ate breakfast in the dining hall with all the other classes.

You could say, the aura between me and trio was anything but pleasant. After the whole fiasco yesterday, Eren disappeared only to come back later in the evening, receiving a scold from Shadis. Mikasa and Armin stayed away from their friend, as far as I could see. I told myself I wasn't going to care anymore, it was just a waste of my damn time. I had everything I wanted, bests of friends. But my eyes...my damn eyes wouldn't stop gazing at their table during breakfast. I wanted to slap myself.

Why did I care? I didn't do anything wrong, it was all Eren's fault for being so unconsidered. He deserved everything that came to him, no wonder Jean and the other's always collided with Eren and Mikasa.

"You know, you don't have to be here Eren"

Yes...and then there was that.
  I lied down in my bed that night, feeling something tug at my chest. It wouldn't go away, no matter how many turns I made. The next thing I knew, Ymir woke up and threw her pillow straight to my face, telling me to stop moving.

That was a fantastic night, I thought as I munched down my pancake in one go. I guess all that thinking made me hungry.

Technically...it wasn't Eren who started that fight. It was me. I instigated when I saw how disdained he looked while being there to see me with Armin. Eren didn't have to blow up either though! But...I shouldn't have spoken so rudely, Eren didn't even say anything. I felt guilty. Seeing the trio end up fighting, all because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

I promised my friends I wouldn't spark up any attention with the trio, but I did. And I still hadn't told them about it.

Gosh..now I feel even more horrible

I rested my chin on my palm, letting my eye wander off to the table three rows in front. Mikasa and Armin were eating there along with Levi, Annie, Reiner and Berthold. They weren't speaking though—Armin and Mikasa. Eren was still absent.

I felt my heart squeeze even more, it was my fault, wasn't it? It didn't matter if Eren hated me or not, but his friends? They were on bad terms only because I couldn't keep my thoughts to myself. Despite what I wanted to believe, Eren did come to visit me. He didn't have to follow Armin.

What the fuck Y/n, that was uncalled for

I bit my lip, it was too much. That wasn't like me. I was caught up in this rivalry drama and acted out on my worse judgement. That was why I told myself not to meddle into other people's business! It always went down to hell if I tried to do something.

I was sitting there, seemingly staring into space when Historia nudged my side. Her blue eyes concerned as she spoke, "Y/n, is there something wrong?" She had been giving me that eye since we woke up.

But I had no energy nor the time to start explaining my situation. "I'm fine Historia, just not used to sleep outside of my house you know" I smiled sheepishly at her, hoping she would buy my false lie—yes it was true to some extent, but not that much.

Her frown turned into a reliving smile, making me exhale with relief. At least she believed me. "Ah I can totally relate, it's hard to get used to sleep somewhere else" She spoke, nodding her head agreeing.

It was hard, being on this on and off stage. What should I do to get this feeling away from my chest? I kept asking me, but I already knew the answer to that.

Apologize...

But even that thought gave me chills, I couldn't do it. I didn't have the courage to walk up to Eren now and apologize for the things I said. How would I start? What if he just yells at me more? I didn't want to go through all of that again. This was supposed to be a fun trip! I didn't need these unnecessary feelings.