HATE ME ❙ Eren ✘ Reader

Hate me ║ My valentine

Distance, that was all I needed.

After months of this ongoing battle with my own perceptions, my parent's expectations, my school life, and all the shit that happened this past year.
It seemed like an infinite cycle of disasters and misunderstandings, like my efforts all went in vain the second I even tried to change some things. But some things are not meant to be meddled with, some things are supposed to stay the same.

And I hit rock bottom. I would never think I'd have to pull myself out of school, my mental health deteriorated that badly. But what more could one person like me take? A person who lived a normal and wealthy life. Where everything I did in the past was indifferent to the people around me.

I wasn't used to be in this position, I wasn't used to making drastic decisions. I was just a petal that flew with the wind before. I wasn't anything special, nor did anyone seek me for advice or care much for my opinion. I was just a girl who came from a rich and honored family.

Did I really think I could change that fact?

One whole week had gone by since the disaster in school. One whole week where I have stayed at home, refusing to leave my room at all costs. Being completely useless to society as I swam in my tears most of the days. I was an utter mess.

I get what you're thinking, it was that bad huh?

I came home that dreaded day and I couldn't see any reason to even go back to school. I lost all of my friends, all of those memories thrown into the trash for a boy that's been playing with my feelings. I was such an idiot.

I thought back to all the warnings everyone granted me, it was all my own fault for being so damn ignorant and naive. I deserved to end up alone because all I ever did—was fuck up for the people around me.
I should have stopped when I had the chance. Now...I had nothing.

I shut myself inside and I cried for over three hours straight. I didn't know what to do with my life, I continually screwed up. Look where it got me?
I gave up my friends because I thought Eren would be there...because I thought I could help him. Because I thought I could change something in this sinking story, but I ended up ruining everything.

And that day, I shut off my phone and never turned it back on. It laid on my desk, cold and untouched. I didn't wish to talk to anybody at all. I was so tired of this.
My parents came home and they noticed that something was off.

"It smells like heartbreak in here..." That was my mother's first sentence when she entered my room that night. Even she, despite not knowing anything about my school life recognized the truth.

I told her a blunt story and that she was right, all along she was right.

And after that, I was completely hauled up in my room. It has been a week since then, still lazing around on my bed. I had no electronics on, no nothing.
Sometimes I did turn on my computer to listen to some music and let my mind rest, but that was it. I had not seen the sky outside for a week.
I was just laying here, thinking of everything Alice said. All those words ringing inside my brain. It all made sense. The proof was out in front of my face since the play back in December.

Eren...he used me?

I grabbed the pillow and tucked it to my chest, more painful tears streaming down my puffy eyes. You won't believe how conflicted my mind had been the whole week, always arguing with myself. Countless of times I considered forgiving Eren, tell him that it didn't matter as long as he was honest.

My hands clenched the pillow again, feeling my heart throb. I missed him so much it was killing me inside.
Just after a few days, I was guiltily missing his voice, that soft voice when he either comforted me or laughed. God, I yearned caressing his warm hand. Just imagining the touch of his tender yet rough hand among mine.