HATE ME ❙ Eren ✘ Reader

Hate me ║ Sins

// Hey everyone, been a while since last time. I apologize for that again.
This chapter really hits home and has been very emotional for me to write. I hope it's still enjoyable.

Please take care of yourself and each other, you never know what someone is going through so please be patient and kind ♡︎ //

❖

A new year, what a wonderful opportunity to start fresh. Put all those ill thoughts behind and move forward with your life. Wasn't that the beauty of new beginnings?

Not in my life....not in the life I've come to know.

Because this year had just started, and my anxious soul could only watch as blood was painted over my hands.

But wasn't there a beauty in that too?

❖

The trip hadn't gone as I had expected or hoped. By all means did I have fun—getting the opportunity to spend time with my classmates and grow closer to them. Nothing was more important than bonding.

But you all know how that went.

I could only cling onto the sheer hope that Jean would understand. Understand that this world wasn't fair and not entirely black and white. That I...never wished harm upon anyone. I wanted everyone to be happy.

I wanted them all to wake up in the morning and welcome it with glee. To walk the pathway to our school and be enveloped with warm smiles. To open the classroom door and for once enjoy the boisterous sounds that came from our free spirited class. To sit at the cafeteria tables with satisfied stomachs and energy to do P.E with mr. Shadis later—because that certainly took a lot of vitality.

And I...wanted everyone to go home without any worries. To have a normal life and enjoy the time we had left here.

But Eren didn't get to experience those moments. More as, Eren didn't get to enjoy them with us.

And from the things I had observed—I could only imagine what his life must have been like.

When the morning arose, Eren didn't welcome it with glee. The air was thick from the sickening tension and breakfast was never certain. It was the eerie steps Eren had to take to pass the hallway and downstairs. It was the anxiety that blossomed in his stomach when he prayed that his stepfather didn't notice his presence.

No, his mornings were anything but pleasing.

And the pathway to school followed by his two best friends, only meant warm smiles which had been etched onto his facade for years.
They were never real.
The pathway to school only meant surviving another day, to repeat the same routines and relieve him of the anxiety of going back home. At least he was safer here.

But opening the classroom door and hearing how everyone had so much fun. Hearing them all laugh and cry out, chatter in like every high school before the teacher comes in and freezes the students to their spots. The free spirited hearts only portrayed Eren what he was missing.

In the cafeteria, the reminders kept on coming. Seeing how people adored lunches their mothers got to make. Sharing and laughing among themselves. To him, it was just another day with an empty stomach.
Hearing the same question over and over again. 'Eren, why aren't you eating?' And those questions he had to loop around, saying the same excuse that came natural to him 'I had a big breakfast'

So, coming down to Shadis P.E class—he was anything but prepared. Things that should have been fun, we're just left tiresome for his soul.

And finally, going back home should be a grave wish after a hard day at school. But not for him, it was all the opposite. So why doesn't he just stay practicing football longer and exhaust himself? It was better than going home. Whilst everyone had a nice meal with their parents and siblings, doing homework or other tasks in harmony—Eren was on his own, Eren was always exhausted.