Without You

10. Enough Talking for Two

A/N - *ducks and runs for cover* 😬😂

Try as he might, he just couldn't do it, he couldn't keep his bubbling emotions in. As everyone hugged him and told him how well he'd done, a steady trickle of tears leaked from the corners of his eyes and his lips trembled even though he kept biting them to try to stop the tears. No one seemed to be judging him, though, and many of the guests had tears in their eyes, too. But he had to pull himself together. He had to address the studio audience.

Taking a deep breath and hesitantly clearing his throat, Dec raised the microphone to his lips. The room was more or less stable now, the ceaseless spinning having slowly subsided along with the frenzied racing of his heart. Now he just felt dead inside, numb, even as more tears threatened to fall. He was a wreck. Gazing out at the sea of expectant faces staring at him, Dec swallowed hard. And then he spoke from the heart.

"It's been the weirdest, weirdest show. But I wanted to say a huge, huge thank you to lots of people here. Most of all I just wanted to thank you guys."

He had to take a moment to breathe, control the sudden surge of emotion as memories of the show began to surface.

"That reception when I came down the stairs...I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I wasn't sure how I was going to do or how you were going to react...But you carried me all the way through the show."

Dec's teary gaze wandered from face to face, wanting to personally thank each and every person there for their role in helping him through the biggest challenge of his life. Voice hoarse with emotion, he continued, "I couldn't have done it without you guys. Thank you. I think that's it."

A literal herd of black spots was starting to encroach on his vision again, weariness dragging him down into its murky depths, causing his mind to suddenly draw a complete blank as to what he should say. And then the words came to him. A very real pain entered his quiet tone, and his voice cracked tellingly, "I've talked quite enough this evening — enough talking for two."

Oh, he really needed to wrap this up now. He was on the verge of tears again.

"Thank you so much. Goodnight and God bless, safe jouney home."

And with that, he handed his mic back to Alan Conley and turned away from the audience after a final bow at Andy Collins' behest, feeling the need to hide his stricken face. Enough talking for two. Yes, he'd made his decision. He knew he couldn't mention Ant directly – and that hurt more than words could ever tell – but that had been his subtle message to the nation. He hadn't been blind to the phone cameras held high in the audience, capturing his speech. It was more than likely someone would sell their video to the press to make a few quid and his words would be out in print before he could count to three. So there it was. He wasn't leaving Ant behind, he was still very much part of a double act.

Davina hugged him again tenderly, saying, "You've done Ant proud tonight, Dec, well done." Dec nodded dumbly against her shoulder, unable to say anything, the lump in his throat shutting down his ability to speak. He lingered in her embrace for a few long seconds, trying to quell the tidal wave of emotion threatening to overwhelm him. He had to hold it in, he'd never live it down if he completely lost it in front of everyone. Finally getting himself under control again, he pulled away and began thanking each and every celeb guest personally while the audience began to file out of the studio. Then one of their social media gurus came jogging up with the Takeaway selfie stick, reminding him he needed to get a photo with all of tonight's guests. Internally groaning, Dec nodded. It was just one photo. He could put on a fake smile – his new favorite accessory – again, no problem.