Without You

13. I'll Never Leave You

A/N - Sorry for the slow update, just some stuff going on in real life that's getting me down a bit. Hopefully this was worth the wait! 

"Linda! You have to let me check on him!" Ant pleaded, eyes brimming with tears. He was still in bed, unwilling to make things more awkward than they already were by baring his almost naked body to his nurse, the bed sheet pooling around his hips and covering his lower half. "Come on, just a few minutes!"

Linda was severely torn between her heart and her head. Her heart was urging her to allow Ant to check on his best friend – Ant was becoming more frantic with every passing second – while her rational head was reminding her that allowing the two men to speak would be fully against what the team had decided was best for Ant's recovery.

"Linda, please," Ant begged, tortured eyes beseeching her to have pity on him. A large tear rolled down his face, dropping onto the sheet below. He looked terrified, clearly beside himself at the thought of his friend being seriously hurt. Surely it would be more detrimental to refuse his request than it would be to allow him a few minutes to speak to Dec. His big, sad puppy eyes were silently pleading with her, even as more tears began to spill over his long lashes. To hell with the consequences, Linda thought to herself, she couldn't separate the friends any longer.

"Okay, you can call him, on two conditions – that I am allowed to stay in the room and that the phone is on speaker. I'm going against our treatment protocol here, so it's only fair that I'm allowed to supervise your conversation. All right?"

Ant nodded vigorously, hand already reaching for the phone she was still holding at her side. Raising her index finger as a signal to pause for a moment, Linda strode over to Ant's door and made sure it was fully shut and locked. She didn't want anyone finding out about this until she knew how it went. While her back was turned, Ant had leapt out of bed and was hurriedly pulling on yesterday's pair of sweatpants that had been draped over the nearby easy chair. He was still shirtless, not wanting to spare the time to grab a top from his dresser, but at least now he could move about without feeling embarrassed.

Handing her phone over, Linda watched as Ant hurriedly dialed Dec's number from memory – she'd forgotten to pull up his contact before giving Ant the phone, but he clearly didn't need it anyway. Linda settled herself in the chair at Ant's small desk, while he started pacing to and fro, waiting for his friend to pick up.

Ant's heart was hammering in his chest, he was scared to death. What if Dec had been hurt? It would be all his fault. 'Come on, Declan!' he urged, listening tensely as the phone rang once, twice, thrice...

"Yeah?"

Ant's heart stopped for a moment before he collapsed onto his bed, beyond relieved to hear Dec's voice. "Dec, it's me. Y'all right, pet?"

A pause. Then a devastated little voice came through the line, "I thought you'd left me."

Ant's breath caught in his throat and tears came to his eyes. "Declan–" Ant faltered, then gathered his courage, "Erm, listen...I messed up, okay? I never thought...Oh, God, Declan, I never thought you'd think it was a suicide note!"

"You mean...You mean it wasn't?!" Dec's tremulous voice was thick with emotion, but also had a disbelieving note to it now.

"No, Dec, it wasn't," Ant said firmly, "I meant every word I said – I want you to go off on your own and be happy, pet – but it was never meant as a goodbye." Ant had to bite back his tears, he couldn't break down, he couldn't let Dec know how much it hurt to let go of everything they shared professionally. He had to pretend. If Dec caught wind of the fact he didn't want to quit working, he'd hang on just to make him happy. And that just wasn't right.