Without You

75. Do You Hate Me?

A/N - The title of this chapter is actually quite apt, given how long it's been since I last updated....😬🙈 I am so very sorry for the ridiculous delay in updating. Life has been very busy, I've been quite up and down mentally, and I have had basically zero inspiration and a horrendous case of writer's block. I also brought a rescue dog home just over a month ago, so that has been quite a life adjustment! So if anyone is still reading this, thank you so very much for your patience! And a big thank you to kashariak who helped me scrabble out of my writer's block hole a few days ago so I could finish this chapter! ❤ I am 100% certain this is not even close to my best work, but hopefully it's not complete rubbish! Stay safe! -H. x

Dec startled as a knock at his dressing room door sounded and a previously slumbering Rocky jumped up from Dec's chest, barking and growling protectively.

"Rocky," Dec murmured, wrapping his hands around the small pup and pulling him back to his chest, "Shhhh, baby, no bark, come here."

Giving Dec a petulant look, the little dog quietened down again, shifting to push his wet nose into Dec's neck with a small huff. Dec let his eyes fall shut for a few more brief moments, just taking a couple of seconds to try to pull himself together.

They were currently in a break in rehearsals - halfway through - and the clock ticked closer to air time every waking second. As soon as the break had been called, he'd scurried off to his dressing room, needing to get away from the hustle and bustle, the crew, the contestants....It was all a bit much.

He didn't want to be here. But he had no choice.

In a way, being back at work was nice because it kept him so preoccupied with stressing out over the show that he couldn't overthink about other things....Like Ant.

Sitting up with a quiet groan, still cradling Rocky to him and shifting his position so that both of them would be more comfortable, Dec called out a slightly grudging, "Come in," bracing himself and hastily scrubbing down his face with his hand.

"Am I intruding?" came a smooth, deep voice, as the door opened and Rocky erupted into vociferous barking yet again.

Giving a small smile, Dec shook his head, feeling himself relax somewhat as the person entered the room. "No, 's fine," he said, shushing Rocky and placing him down on the floor so he could greet the incomer properly.

Standing from his comfy position on the sofa, Dec soon found himself wrapped up in a tight, tight hug, the warmth of which took him almost off-guard, bringing tears to his eyes. He hadn't realized just how much he needed a good hug right now, apparently.

"How are you, Dec?" The question was asked with genuine care and concern, and Dec could feel his carefully built walls crumbling.

"E-rm," his voice broke tellingly, "I'm...I'm okay, thanks, Si."

Simon Cowell gave Dec a long, appraising look.

The smaller man was pale and haggard looking, normally vibrantly boyish features appearing washed out and eyes clouded over with an indescribable dullness. This was the first time he'd seen Dec since February at the Manchester BGT auditions. At the time, Dec had seemed a bit stressed and somewhat anxious about his best friend, but they'd been managing to get by despite their hectic schedule between BGT and Saturday Night Takeaway.

Truth be told, Ant hadn't been his normal self at the BGT auditions early this year. Everyone had known it, all could see it. But Ant had insisted he was fine and that it was just stress and all was well with his recovery.

Simon couldn't quite believe it when he'd heard the news.

He'd not really kept in touch with Dec at all, just sending a couple of supportive texts at the time - to which he never got a reply - and that was about it. But he knew Dec had completed the run of SNT very successfully - that much he'd heard.