Without You

37. You Saved Me

A/N - Here's a bit of an earlier update for y'all! It's not easy writing this part of the story, and I'm trying to stay two chapters ahead with what I have written vs. published, so I can't say how frequent updates will be for the next few weeks, but I'm aiming to get as much written as I can while I have the time. Thanks, as ever, for reading! -H. x

"Declan?"

"Hmmm?"

"Oh, I thought you'd drifted off you're so quiet down there!" Ant peered down, eyes only finding a fluffy brown head of hair poking out from underneath his chin, the hairs gently tickling his skin as their owner moved from his comfy position tucked into his friend's side.

"Sorry, I've just m-issed yous..." Dec's eyes found Ant's as his voice broke, the sheer pain and loneliness glinting in their depths making a sharp pang shoot through Ant's heart. They'd been sitting on the sofa together for at least 10 minutes in silence, each lost in their own thoughts but neither one willing to move from their comfortably close positions. The silence was no longer awkward, however. It was the sort of calm after the storm, although the storm outside was still raging, albeit a bit less fiercely now.

Dec let out a long sigh, sounding oddly contented as he nestled back into the cushions, finally moving off of Ant but shifting only a couple of centimeters away, resting his head against the back of the couch. He turned slightly, studying Ant's face. He was saddened to see pure devastation marring those handsome features, and briefly wondered what was going on in that head of his. Probably thinking about the crash or something like that, most likely...

Ant finally registered Dec's movement and his eyes slid over to meet Dec's, searching them for answers to his mind's endless string of questions. "Why, Dec? Why would you do that?" His voice was nothing but a whisper, loaded with raw pain.

Dec's gaze dropped immediately, face twisting as the knife plunged straight into his heart. He drew in a shuddery breath, unable to meet Ant's gaze. "I...I...I just....I couldn't face it anymore. I didn't want to...g-go on."

"But, Declan, you've got so much to look forward to! You've got a baby on the way, for goodness' sake!"

Dec shook his head, tear-filled eyes still fixed on the floor. "That's all very far away, Ant...."

"Very far away??" Ant sounded bewildered, face screwed up as he regarded his friend incredulously. "She's due in like 5 months, Declan, how the hell is that 'far away'??"

"You're not living my life, Ant, you've got no idea what I'm goin' through." Dec's voice was clipped and decidedly cold despite the defeated, broken look on his face.

"Then tell me. I want to know how I can help! I can't bear seein' you like this, kidda," Ant pleaded, reaching out a gentle hand to lift Dec's chin and force him to meet his eyes.

Dec drew in a deep breath, eyes flickering away for a second before coming back to rest on Ant's completely sincere features. "It doesn't matter. The only way you can help is by getting well, that's all. The rest doesn't matter."

"B***s***," Ant growled, grip unconsciously tightening on Dec's chin, making him wince and try to pull away. "Oh, God, sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to hurt yous, are you OK?!" Ant's wide eyes held an undeniable hint of panic as he released Dec's chin, causing Dec to let out an annoyed snort.

"I'm fine, Ant, I'm not made of glass, calm down!"

Ant rolled his eyes. "Could've fooled me," he muttered under his breath, not caring when Dec sent him a venomous glare.