Without You

58. Have You Told Him?

A/N - Well, here I am again. I'm not sure I'm happy with this, but I've not been happy with my writing for a while, so hopefully it's no worse than usual! 😬😂 Thank you all for continuing to read this monstrosity! ❤ Enjoy! -H. x

"Always."

Dec gave Ant a tear-stained smile, pulling his friend close and pressing a small, chaste kiss to his cheek before burying his head in the crook of Ant's neck, just breathing slowly, deliberately, clutching Ant to him like he was trying to gain strength for some unknown, death-defying feat. Ant's heart clenched as a couple of hot tears slid their way down his neck, deposited there by Dec's tightly closed eyes.

But then Dec pulled away, a pained, yet resolute, expression on his face. He slowly stood, swaying slightly as if a bit unsteady on his feet, before taking a step in the direction of the fireplace. One foot in front of the other, Dec moved slowly, entire body tense and eyes trained on only one thing.

"Declan?!" Ant hurriedly rose, stumbling over a table leg in his panicked race to reach the glinting scissors before Dec did. Their hands grabbed onto the cold metal at exactly the same moment, bodies colliding as Ant dove down next to Dec, desperate to prevent whatever horrid idea had sprung into Dec's hurting mind.

"What the hell are you doin?!" Ant whispered shrilly, eyes wide. His head was spinning. First Dec promised to always be there for him, and then the next moment he was trying to kill himself?!

Dec bit his lip and swallowed hard, hand now trembling as he stared at the sharp object clutched tightly in his fist. He sucked in a shaky lungful of air, then breathed out, "I'm tossing 'em in the bin."

"You what??" Ant spluttered, racing heart skipping a beat, simultaneously being driven by fear for his friend and panic over losing his motivational tool.

Dec's fingers were now on his, slowly loosening his grip. "Using these as motivation is b*ll*cks," Dec murmured, trembling voice gaining a bit of strength as he continued, "It's not healthy, Ant, and you know it. Linda'd kill you if she knew 'bout this, I'll bet. I'm gettin' rid of 'em."

"How do I know you're not takin' 'em home to kill yourself with?!" Ant countered quickly, unthinking of the effect those hasty words might have.

Dec tensed instantly, eyes slamming shut only to jerk open a split-second later, pupils dilated, as he shuddered. "You're not helping here, Ant," he muttered, voice shivering with emotion. "They're a crutch for you but a temptation for me...."

A hushed curse left Ant's lips as Dec resolutely pulled the scissors from his grasp and silently regarded them for a moment, inner battle more than clear in his features. But then Dec lifted his gaze, wide green eyes welling up with emotion. "Help us, Anth," he whispered desperately, eyes flickering from Ant to the scissors and his scarred wrist and then back again.

Ant gazed into Dec's tortured eyes, seeing the swirling pain, sadness, despair, helplessness, mind-numbing fear....Every emotion was like spikes being driven into his heart and soul. For a brief moment, the thought crossed his mind that maybe they should both use those scissors – leave this world behind for good, with its neverending struggles and heartaches.

But then he heard those lyrics in his head, "I don't ever see the day that I won't catch you when you fall," and he remembered his promise. Their promise to each other. To always catch each other, no matter what. And right now, Dec was falling. They both were.