Without You

15. He Didn't Have Time for This

A/N - Apologies again for the big ol' delay in updating. I've been trying to get ahead in writing, but I've also got a lot of other stuff going on at the moment. I'll try to be better at updating more regularly! Thanks for all the lovely comments! 😁🤗

4:45am, Monday the 2nd of April. A loud beeping and buzzing reverberated through his brain, creating a literal cacophony of agony. Letting out a pained groan, Dec rolled over and silenced the alarm, feeling a strong urge to be sick as soon as he moved. Swallowing down the rising nausea, he let out a long, weary sigh. He'd had a horrible night's sleep. Not only was his entire body a constantly aching mess – he was in the throes of the peak muscle inflammation phase right now – but his head was killing him. He'd tossed and turned all night long, finding pockets of deep REM sleep here and there, but not even close to the amount required to give his beaten body the rest and repair it needed. He was absolutely shattered, and he'd not even gotten out of bed yet.

But there was a flight to catch, he couldn't hang around feeling sorry for himself all day. If he was lucky, he might be able to grab at least an hour or two of sleep on the plane....Although he very much doubted it. A bunch of the production team were joining him for the flight, including one particularly chatty woman who rarely stopped talking and was forever laughing raucously. Maybe he could just put in his Air Pods and ignore her and everyone else? But that would be rude...If he got desperate enough, he might just do it, though.

Finally sitting up, Dec swung his legs over the side of the bed, only to have to grab tightly onto the headboard to keep from tumbling to the floor. He was intensely dizzy. Taking in a few careful, measured breaths, Dec managed to stand up, still clinging to the bed. He really didn't want to fall again – his body was already smarting, he didn't need to make it worse. He was beyond thankful Ali was still lightly dozing, completely unaware of his current struggles. She definitely didn't need to know about this. Worry was bad for her and the baby, and he was determined not to let on to anything that might make her anxious. She was already worrying far too much about him and his and Ant's career.

And he was also still a bit bruised from her anger the day before, even though she'd eventually explained it to him as best she could. But at the end of the day, he really couldn't help the way he was – he'd always been super sensitive, and his body would sometimes overreact to extreme emotional stress...Like it had yesterday. It wasn't usually that bad, though – he'd never actually passed out like that before – but then, it wasn't every day he got what he deemed to be a suicide note from his best friend of 29 years. Ali had apologized multiple times yesterday, and had even tried to make it up to him in another way last night, but he was just way too tired. 

He honestly couldn't remember a time in recent history when he'd been this worn out. It probably wasn't since his PJ & Duncan days, when he and Ant would be basically asleep on their feet after a string of 17-hour days...Although their Takeaway tour definitely had taken it out of him, too. But the big difference was that he wasn't emotionally exhausted back then. These days, he felt like he could break down at any moment, and he just felt empty inside. It was awful.

Dragging himself over to the bathroom, holding onto various pieces of furniture as he went and grabbing some comfortable traveling clothes, Dec managed to undress and get in the shower without any mishaps. So far, so good. After a few minutes, he heard Ali moving around in the next room, clearly having been woken fully by the sound of the shower. He really didn't want to leave the soothing heat of the shower – it felt heavenly on his sore muscles and bruises – but he had to get going. Or at least try to.