Without You

34. He'd be Fine

⚠⚠⚠ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠⚠⚠

A/N - This story hit 5K views yesterday!!! It's seriously "unbelievable"! 😉 (Looking at you, Stevie fans! 😂) Thank you so, so much to everyone who's read, commented, and/or voted on this story. It's been quite a journey so far...And I can now reveal that it's not even close to being finished yet! There's loads more to come if you're up for it and if I can keep the inspiration flowing. I've written well over 115K words so far, roughly 108K of which have now been published...Let me know if you want more! And if not, I can wrap this up quicker than a Christmas present! 😂 Thanks again, everyone!! ❤

An urgent triple-knock at the door shook Linda out of her deep concentration as she poured over the intake paperwork for a new patient being admitted next week. Quickly shoving the papers back into their folder – privacy first – she called out a cheery, "Come," watching expectantly as the door opened. An agitated-looking figure in a skull and crossbones-emblazoned hoody and black track pants came bursting into the room, throwing themselves into a chair across the desk from her.

"Look, Linda, have you downloaded that song yet? I've just been thinking, that text from Declan was a bit odd, wasn't it? I mean, that whole thing about him havin' let me down an' all...Can I have a listen to that song? What if it's a message to me or sommat? I'm worried about 'im, Linda, I know you said I shouldn't spend my energy on worrying 'bout him but I can't help it."

A warm smile met him as Linda grinned and shook her head. "It's a message to you, all right! Here, have a listen with my earbuds, I'll step out for a few, okay?" She handed him his flash drive and gathered up the bulging file she'd been going through moments earlier, patting Ant on the shoulder as she passed him whilst leaving the room.

Ant sat back in her office chair, turning up the volume on her computer and placing the earbuds in his ears before hitting play with slightly trembling fingers. It was a song by Daughtry, one he'd never heard before and something that wasn't really Dec's usual cup of tea. This was odd indeed. But then the lyrics began and Ant placed a fist in his mouth, biting down to try to stem the tears choking him at the speed of sound.

"You're feeling isolate, and all kinds of frustrate
But I love you as you are, love you as you are, yeah
And don't worry about the hate
It don't fit in those boxes they create
And it's tearing you apart, it's tearing you apart, yeah"

Tears streamed silently down Ant's face as the song's lyrics struck home deep in his wounded soul. He knew he deserved the criticism, the hatred, the anger, but the attack on his own personal character by the judge today had been particularly difficult to let slide off him. And again, he knew the judge was right – the public's perception of him would surely be changed forever by what he'd done – and he respected their right to criticize, but it had just been a very painful blow and he couldn't stop hearing their words echoing through his head over and over again. He'd really let himself down. And there was no going back now.

"And when you build those walls to keep you safe
It's like a prison you can't escape
You tear them down, you just might hear me say
I love you as you are
I love you as you are
And when the whole damn world don't know, what they got 'til it's gone, I love you"

Ant sniffled thickly, trying to stem the steady stream of tears running down his cheeks, but failing miserably. He didn't know how or where Dec had come across this song, but it was speaking to his soul, helping him to realize that, no matter what anyone else said, no matter how everyone else's perception of him changed, there was still one person – plus his mam and sisters – who would always love him. Why else would Dec have sent this song to him?