Without You

42. Why Didn't You?

A/N - Erm....Happy Holidays...!! 😬🤐😂 -H. x

"The f-future....I...I can't face it...."

Ant immediately tensed, looking a wary but also strangely jealous, a change that didn't go unnoticed by Linda. And Linda thought he knew not to push Dec any further – they'd discussed this, after all, and she could tell he knew he'd gone too far – yet he opened his mouth again...And pushed him over the edge.

"But why, Declan? What's so terrible about your future? It's lookin' pretty bright from where I'm sittin'!"

Dec didn't respond for a few seconds, but then he raised his head from his knees, eyes burning with fire and hurt. "Why?? You have to ask us why?! What the f***, man! Have ya even tried thinkin' about what I'm goin' through?! Or are you that stuck up your own arse ya can't think of anyone but yourself?!"

Ant shrunk back from his bristling friend, looking terribly ashamed. "I've got to focus on meself, Dec, you know that...." he mumbled, sounding almost a bit defensive, his response resulting in an immediate facepalm from Linda, who was rapidly losing hope in her mission the way things were going at the moment. She opened her mouth to try to diffuse the situation, but it was too late...

"Oh, yeah? That's all that matters now, is it? Well, you do that!" Dec spat, rocketing to his feet unsteadily, "I'll just go kill meself then and you can have everyone's undivided attention. You're the only one people care about anyway – it's always, 'How's Ant?', 'Tell Ant we love 'im, give him our best wishes,' every bloody day. No one gives a toss about how I'm doing. I shouldda just finished the job and been done with it...."

Ant seemed frozen in place, unable to speak or move, staring glassy-eyed at the person who used to be his best friend. Dec turned to Linda, panting hard and clutching at his chest, voice shrill, "See? He doesn't care! 30 years of lie-"

Linda gasped and jumped forward as Dec's eyes suddenly rolled back into his head and he collapsed, falling to the side. Ant let out a sharp cry as Dec fell, but couldn't unfreeze in time to catch him, watching in horror as Dec's trajectory took him – as if in slow motion – straight towards the solid wood and glass coffee table.

But just before Dec's head slammed into the hard surface, Linda caught the prone form of a man pushed, yet again, over the edge. Thanking the stars for her experience in first aid from years ago when she was in St. John Ambulance, she carefully laid Dec on his side in the recovery position. Grasping his wrist to take his pulse, she winced upon seeing the healing cut, eyes growing sad.

A massive sense of failure was pervading her being. She felt like crying, but she knew she had to stay calm and try to regain control of the situation. Things had gotten away from her just then, the sparks had flown too quickly for her to smother them. The bomb had blown and now she had to try to pick up the pieces.

184 beats per minute?! Linda couldn't quite believe the pace Dec's heart was currently setting. And worryingly, the rhythm wasn't steady, either, with occasional double beats or even skipped ones. This was a man being pushed to the limit. She'd occasionally had patients faint from severe emotional stress over the years, but it had been a good few years since her last case...And that was a woman who lost her army husband on active duty in Afghanistan, quickly followed by losing her eldest son to suicide. The two cases weren't even close to being similar.

But that didn't mean this case was any less tough on those involved in it, Linda reminded herself. It was just a very different situation. Keeping her fingers over his racing pulse, Linda gently patted Dec's cheeks with her other hand, softly calling his name. Surprised when she felt a warm presence next to her, and then a hand brushing hers, Linda looked up to see Ant kneeling beside her, Dec's smaller hand dwarfed in both of his, tears standing in his terrified eyes.