Without You

68. Is it Worth It?

A/N - Hey, guys! Well, not quite as bad of a wait this time, was it? Just over 2 weeks, I guess. 🙈 Gutted that I'm a Celebrity... has finished, but grateful for all the laughs and adorableness we got from the boys over those three weeks! 

This chapter grew into a bit of a monster - roughly 5.5k words! - and I'm not sure if it's all just mindless waffle or if it's actually worthwhile reading. 😬 Anyway, I hope it's OK-ish. Please stay safe wherever you are in the world. Thank you for reading! ❤ -H. x

Wednesday, May 16th, 2018. Twelve days before the start of the week of BGT live shows.

Ali stared into the living room from the hallway, fingers tapping out a random pattern on her phone case, a worried expression on her face. She was no stranger to having tough conversations with her clients, but things had become a bit more complicated when one of them became her husband.

Normally, they would never talk work while at home. But now Dec had essentially become a hermit except when forced out of his safe space to go to a meeting or therapy – or to hang out with Ant – and separating home and work had become rather difficult.

She quietly padded into the room, her sock-clad feet making not a noise as she glided over the carpet to stand in front of her husband. He was lying on his back on the couch, nestled under a light throw blanket and partially propped up by a couple of pillows, tired, half-lidded eyes lazily following the action on the bright television screen while his hand repeatedly traveled from a half-full popcorn bowl to his mouth and back again.

He seemed almost in a trance, not appearing to notice her presence until she authoritatively cleared her throat. Dec startled slightly, eyes jamming wide open and turning up to look at her, his popcorn-laden hand freezing guiltily halfway between the bowl and his mouth. Sensing Ali's mood immediately, he paused the telly and turned his uncertain gaze to his wife, asking the unspoken question with anxious eyes alone.

Ali remained silent, nudging at Dec's feet to indicate she wanted him to sit up, before plonking herself down next to him, one hand automatically cupping her ever-growing pregnant belly. Dec now had a severe case of the deer-in-the-headlights look, a sure sign he suspected what was coming.

Unable to bear seeing him like that, Ali gently turned his chin and leaned in to kiss him tenderly, tasting the butter and salt on his lips from his new obsession: popcorn. He'd always loved popcorn, but since a phone call yesterday which he'd refused to divulge the details of, he'd been stress eating almost nonstop.

Ironically, yesterday he'd also made his first trip to the gym since before leaving for the Takeaway finale in Florida. Probably every single calorie he'd burned at that early morning gym session had now been reconsumed through the medium of popcorn. He'd not really given her a reason for his sudden return to working out, just mumbling something about Ant while rushing out the door in the morning.

He'd come home in a fantastically good mood that Monday afternoon, after having disappeared for hours without a trace on what should have just been an hour-long therapy session day. If she hadn't called Anne-Marie to ask about Ant's whereabouts, Ali would have been incredibly worried. But when she'd heard Ant had been dropped off at the clinic where they both had therapy at about quarter to twelve, she'd figured out pretty quickly where her husband was.

Sadly, the golden glow surrounding him on Monday only lasted until he woke up the next morning after several hours' sleep that had started off really sound but had ended with him tossing, turning, and mumbling in his sleep.

The now-typical heavy sadness had been back in his eyes the moment he awoke, dashing Ali's hopes that perhaps he'd turned a corner after his afternoon out with Ant. And then he got that phone call...As soon as he'd seen the caller ID, he'd rushed into his office, shutting the door behind him and reemerging an hour later with a hunted look and the weight of the world on his shoulders. She'd pressed him for details, but he'd said not a word.