Without You

63. I Just Want to Matter

A/N - Sincere apologies for all of the cliffhangers recently. 😬🙈 Thank you for your input on my question from the previous chapter. I can't promise things will move along quite as quickly as you'd like, but I will try my best to keep things interesting so that you don't all become bored of my ramblings. 😂 Thank you so much, as ever, for your continued support! - H. x

"Declan? You been crying?"

The silence that met Ant's words was deafening. Pushing down the feeling of hurt at Dec not immediately sharing what was going on – he was Dec's best friend, for goodness' sake, he was always the first person Dec turned to when he was having a rough day – Ant gentled his voice, letting his love for the smaller man lead him as he tried to break through Dec's walls.

"If there's something going on, love, you know you can always tell me," he purred softly, "That will never change."

"So why do you never tell me, then?" came an infinitely hurt little whisper, its owner sounding as though they were trying very hard not to cry.

Ant swallowed hard. "What is it, Deccy? What have I done this time?"

"We used to talk to each other, discuss things, think things through together," Dec's voice was raw, "Now you just do things willy nilly on your own and I'm the last person to know."

"Is this about the tattoo?" This was not the reaction Ant was expecting at all, and he was a bit puzzled, to say the least, "'Cause I promise you you're the first to know. Well, apart from Amzie – she went with me."

"No, it's not just about that. And anyway, Al already knew when I showed her the photo. Just like Simon Jones already knew you were moving and when you're moving..." Dec felt far too defeated and down to muster any anger. He was just incredibly hurt.

"A-Al knew??" Ant was more than a little bit alarmed now. He'd certainly not spoken to her, and if she knew, did that mean the press somehow got wind of his and Anne-Marie's trip to the tattoo parlor? Were there paparazzi photos? What was going on??

"Yeah," Dec said simply, "Anne-Marie called her this morning. She didn't mention a word of it to me 'til your text came in."

"Oh," Ant relaxed, very much relieved. Maybe that explained the difference he'd noted in Anne-Marie today – she'd probably been lectured by Ali about taking care of him properly, not a fate he'd wish on anyone. It was odd, though, that Anne hadn't mentioned their chat. He couldn't help but feel a bit uneasy knowing that she'd kept something back from him.

But as much as he was preoccupied with his own worries, he'd still caught onto the hurt in Dec's voice. "When'd you speak to Si?"

"A bit ago," Dec replied drily, "He tells me you're moving in ten days. Said he heard about it already at the weekend. Four days before I heard a word of it."

Ant rolled his eyes and sighed, "Look, Deccy, we had to tell 'im...You know how it is with the press snoopin' around everywhere these days. I was worried they'd find out and wanted Si to be ready just in case."

"Well, what about me?!" Dec quavered, sounding on the verge of tears, "Don't I matter? Is that how this is gonna be from now on, eh? Me finding everything out through other people and the bloomin' papers 'cause you don't want to bother tellin' me??"

"Why's it always about you?!" Ant barked, unable to help himself despite knowing that reacting in this way would do nothing but make the situation worse.