Without You

41. I Don't Know

A/N - Apologies for the previous cliffhanger - I know it was a cruel place to stop, but, well, you've got to end the chapter somewhere, right?? 😬😂 Here's the next installment. Not sure I'm happy with it, but I hope it was worth the wait! -H. x

"I think we're done."

Dec broke down completely, sobbing bitterly into his palms and retreating back into the plush couch, making himself smaller until he was just a tiny, shuddering ball of pain. Ant was crying, too, tears streaming down his face in an endless cascade.

In fact, there wasn't a dry eye in the house – literally. Even Linda was struggling to hold in her tears. It hurt to see Ant and Dec like this, to see them fracturing and splintering apart in front of her very eyes. She was really glad now that she'd decided on the waterproof mascara today. She'd had a hunch things might get emotional, but she was hoping she'd be able to stay professional enough to not actually cry herself. Yet here she was, wiping the tears away as quickly as they came, sadness enveloping her.

But she had to keep reminding herself that this had to happen at some point. And she was just glad that the explosion had taken place while she was here to try to patch things up between them. For now, though, she had to just let them cry for a bit, vent their pain through the timeless medium of tears.

To her immense surprise, Ant started shuffling over on the couch, moving to give Dec a hug. Dec was having none of it, however, forcibly shoving Ant's arm away with a brokenly muttered, "Don't touch me!"

Looking utterly defeated, Ant withdrew, respecting Dec's need for space. He finally looked at Linda, his eyes holding a terrible sadness. And Linda just couldn't bear it, she couldn't stand seeing him like that. So she placed her laptop down on the coffee table and crossed the distance between them, giving Ant a loving hug. "You okay?" she asked quietly, sitting down on the armrest next to Ant and watching him intently.

Ant shook his head, another tear trickling down his face. "Do you want to talk about it?" Linda queried, placing a gentle hand on Ant's arm. Before Ant could answer, a bitter voice came from the other end of the couch, "Oh, I see how it is! Only have sympathy for him, then, eh? What happened to being impartial and unbiased??"

Linda took offense at that, ignoring Ant's warning shake of the head to urge her not to talk back. "Yes, I have sympathy for him, Dec. He's been through hell and back, this man, do you have any idea how much he's suffered these past few years?? He's worked hard, really hard, to get to where he is today. Kicking addictions and depression is incredibly difficult to do, never mind being under intense public scrutiny while doing it. And he messed up, of course he did. And there's no excuse for that. But don't you think you should think about his side of the story for once?"

Dec raised his head and blinked at her, dumbfounded at having someone he barely knew railing at him and sticking up for the man he would normally defend to the death. Linda continued, her voice softening, "I have sympathy for you, too, I fully understand where you're coming from. But there are always two sides to a story, and you have to remember that. Anger has its place in healing; it sometimes pushes out of us what we would normally never admit if we were holding back out of fear of hurting others. It allows us to vent our pent-up frustrations and air our deepest agonies without guilt at that moment in time. And that's a really important step in healing."

She drew in a deep breath, looking from Dec to Ant and back again. "Tell me, Dec, how many years have you known Ant?"

Dec chewed on the inside of his cheek, giving her the evil eye but eventually answering, "Erm, 25...29 years?"