Abducted; Namjin

Chapter Thirty

Kim Namjoon

He can't feel it yet but I know it's just a matter of time. He has that specific scent that all of our mates had. The ones of us that could carry children. He smells just like...him. Like he used to.
It's so familiar to me. Drawing me in and just begging for my control to snap. I have to be strong and just wait. I've waited so long. I can wait a bit longer.
I resist the urge to grab his hand and tug him closer to me and keep walking. Leading him to the kitchen unit, I rummage through the shelves until I find a kind of food Seokjin will eat. Heating it, I place a glass of water in front of him.
He looks dazed and confused, staring through me, lost in thought. I don't bother him. Sitting beside him, I just stare, etching every visible part of him into my memory.
Somewhere along the way, I find myself getting lost as well...

"Joon! Come look! Joon!"
I drop the training book and run down the hall to the bathroom where I abruptly come to a halt, staring at Hoseok as he beams in front of a mirror.
He points to his stomach. "Look, look! It's bigger. You can see it now, right? It's huge!" He twists his hips, displaying his small baby bump in the lighting. I swallow hard, several deep emotions coursing through me.
I pull him into my arms and kiss him. He moans into it and jumps up into my arms. I hold him, letting his legs wrap around me tightly. I'm reminded of our first official night together. I breathe in his scent and groan.
"Are you happy?" He whispers, trailing his lips over my cheek.
"I'm happy."
He pulls back a bit, studying me. His eyes dimming a bit. "Then why do you have to go now? Can't you just stay here with me? I don't want you to go. I need you. We need you."
Pain fills my chest. Sighing, I put him back down. "You know it's not my choice, Hoseok. I'm about to be promoted to Captain. I can't let this opportunity go. It's what I've been working so hard towards all these years. Please don't be upset. I'm doing this for our future."
     He looks away. "I'm scared. I don't want to be left alone without you here. What if something happens?"
     I hug him tightly, kissing his temple. "Nothing bad is going to happen, my heart. Trust me. I will forever keep you safe. You and our beautiful child. You have nothing to fear."
     His arms tighten around me. "I know you're right but...I can't help feeling this way. I want you to stay. Please." His voice breaks on the last word.
      I feel at a loss. There's nothing I can do. I have to continue my training. I'll be gone for three months. Three months without him. Three months he'll be left alone pregnant. "I'm sorry."
     He buries his head in my chest and forces back a sob. "I'm lonely when you're gone. It's so long. W-what if...what if—"
     I cup his face, forcing him to look up at me. "Hey, no what ifs, okay? I promise you everything will be okay. Three months will go by fast. I'll come back a Captain and we'll continue our lives. Our baby will be born strong and we can continue to grow our family..." I kiss his lips softly.
     He nods, pouting a little. "Please ignore me. I'm just being emotional. I'll survive without, I guess."
     Chuckling at his tone, I pat his head. "You're cute. Want me to make you something to eat?"
     His cheerful smile finally returns, canceling out the water glistening in his eyes. "Please. I'm going to lay down for a bit."
      "Alright, love. I'll bring you something up."
    

     I blink, my mind abruptly ripping back into the present. I didn't keep my promise to him. That was our last peaceful, happy, night together. I left for training that next morning and the next time I saw him...he was dying in my arms.
     I look down,surprised to see water dripping on my hands. Tears. I let him down. I left him to suffer and die alone while I focused on more important priorities.
     I wish I could go back. Take everything back. I should have abandoned the military and my dreams and just stayed with him. Maybe it would not have changed anything but I would have been able to spend more time with him. That was always more important.
     Now I can only look back with pain and regret.
     "Are you okay?"
     Jin's voice forces me to release the past and focus on now. I can't look at him. I'm weak right now. Broken. I don't deserve a second chance. Not after how I left my mate. Pregnant and alone. I can't protect anyone properly. Least of all this human.
     I'm a fool for even wanting such a thing. For believing I could restart and be happy again. I'm a bastard for trying to replace Hoseok with another. He deserves better.
     "I'm fine." My voice is stiff even to me. I get up and clench my hands. "I have business to attend to. I'll leave you to return to the room on your own." I spin on my heel and stalk away from him.
     I escape away from him and his scent, locking myself into a random room and mentally beating myself. Why did I ever let myself believe I could find any happiness again? I don't deserve such things.
      I will...I will do the thing I was never able to do for Hoseok. I will give Jin what he wants.
     I will...return him to earth.
     I will let him go. I was never good at staying. Perhaps it was always meant to be that way. Now karma has taken me as a hit. Hoseok wanted me to stay by his side and didn't.
     I want Jin to stay by my side...and he doesn't want to. It's fair. I'll find a way to make it right. If I care about Jin at all...I should stop being selfish and do this for him.