Abducted; Namjin

Chapter Thirty Five

Jung Hoseok

    The moment our eyes meet, I feel an entire lifetime flash through my mind. It's like my brain had a blockage, shielding me from memories of this man. Of this past. Of this life. Or that life, rather...
    This person.
    My soulmate.
    My bonded.
    I lost him. He lost me. I left him. He stayed waiting.
    I was reborn on earth. So so far away.
    How have we found each other once again? It's impossible. Insanity.
    Fate? Destiny? None of it matters really. What matters is that our connection is instantaneous. I feel it immediately. I know he does, too. Our proximity.
    I don't know who is more shocked.
    Pain and loss.
    Confusion and joy.
    Love and passion.
    Sorrow and time wasted.
    Time gained and relearned.
    Life. Love. Need. Soulmate.
    All these things run through my mind in mere nanoseconds but along with those things...a strange clarity also takes over. Something that cannot be unfelt or unseen.
     Pain. Sorrow. Fear. Loss.
     Betrayal. Abandonment. Anger.
     Namjoon.
     Jin.
     I'm not blind. I can tell what's happened as soon as I see them together. Too close. They are...too close.
     Jin. My best friend from Earth. The person I've longed to find and see again. I've searched for so long. I love him.
     Jin. The one now clinging to my soulmate. He's taken him from me. They've left me behind in their memories and moved on.
     Jin. Namjoon. I love them both.
    Loss. Suffering. Agony.
    It's suffocating, the pain and knowledge. I don't want to know. I want to be oblivious. Something I wish I could pretend not to understand.
     Namjoon stands across the hall, looking weak and shell shocked and hurt and broken. Jin looks like he's in actual physical pain. His legs barely holding him up as my bonded helps him stand. Not my bonded any longer?
     The evidence of their joining is obvious. The smell on their skin and in the air, their marked skin and bruised lips. Their sweat.
    My own knees falter but I throw my hand out and cling to the wall. My voice is shaky as I open my mouth. "J-Jin?!"
     I'm not that person any longer. I'm Jung Hoseok. I'm Jin's Hobi...not Namjoon's soulmate. There is a battle going on inside my head.
      His eyes widen as if my voice as broken something inside him. He lurches forward, towards me with his arms out. "Hoseok?! How is this possible you're here?"
      I run and throw my arms around him, hiding my tears in his hair. I close my eyes and breathe him in. He smells like Namjoon. I ignore it.
     My heart breaks but it also heals just seeing and feeling this person alive in my arms. I thought I lost them both forever. I never would have thought this could be so much worse, however.
      We're both crying and holding each other. His legs give out and together we both slide down to the floor. Namjoon looks down at us with a blank expression. I can only imagine the things running through his head.
      Has his love for me fully transferred onto Jin? Has he truly left me behind in his past to make another his beloved?
     It's not supposed to be like this...
     We were supposed to have a future. We were supposed to have children. A life together. Grow old in each other's arms.
     How did things end up this way?  
     I vaguely remember my traumatic death. Dying in Namjoon's arms was quite peaceful all things considered. I broke my promise to always be by his side....
     How can I expect him to keep his promise of always loving me and me alone? I guess that was never realistic to begin with. I began a new life so far away. Why can't I let him?
     But I'm here now...
     "I've missed you so much." Jin whispers in my ear. "You have no idea what I've been through..." His voice cracks and he sobs, clutching me tightly.
     I cup his cheeks and study his face. Force a smile. "It's your stupid fault for not just going with me that night." I tease, biting back the tears and pain in my heart. What would be the point? I can't blame any of this on him.
     None of this was his fault.
     He cries harder. "If I knew that would be my last time on Earth...I would have spent more time with you." He admits.
    My smile turns sad. I wipe his tears. "We aren't dead. Don't act like that, okay?"
     My eyes trail back up to Namjoon and I feel strangely numb as I watch his own tears rage silently on his own cheeks. Are they cold? Are they still as warm as I remember them as they dripped onto my face while I took my last breath?
     Taking a deep breath and allowing it to fully saturate my lungs—my human lungs—I slowly stand up and face the person that has haunted my dreams for a while now. The person I should know better than anyone else in the universe.
      My Namjoon. Not mine.
      "Hoseok." It's barely a whisper. So soft and airy like smoke leaving his lips. His hand comes up and he touches my face. I don't even feel it.
     "Namjoon." I grasp his hand and squeeze it like a lifeline. "I've missed you."
     He breaks, jerking me into his arms and crying silent tears into my neck, caressing my back and hair and just absorbing my energy.
     My heart hurts. It's too heavy.
     Why did this have to happen? It isn't right. This isn't supposed to happen like this.
     "You've changed." I find myself whispering, wiping his tears. "But still t he same."
     He glances at Jin who just sits on the floor, head bowed and refusing to look up at us. Does he understand? Can he understand what's happening right now?
     "You somehow seem exactly the same despite changing worlds and living a new life." He sighs. "I'm happy to see you. Happy that you moved on to another existence. It soothes something within me to know you've been existing elsewhere in the universe even without me."
      Another crack to my heart. My soul crying out in remorse, in loss.
     Why did this happen to us?!
     Why...
      Why!!
      Why....
      WHY!
       He seems to read me easy enough. He always could. Sighing with more meaning than I'm comfortable, he squeezes my hand before placing his palm at the small of my back. "You must be exhausted. Let me take you somewhere to rest."
     Why does it seem he's trying to distance himself from me already?
      Jin's head snaps up. "C-can I come, too?"
     I hold my hand out and help him stand. He leans on me with a heavy breath and I reject the reasons why. I know. I don't want to know.
     Smiling, I lace our fingers. "Come on. We have a lot of catching up to do."
     He returns the smile. "Yeah. Yeah, I've missed you more than you'll ever know, Hobi."
     Two people. The same. Different.
     Two lifetimes. Past and present.
     Two separate existences coexisting in one body, one soul.
      I need to remember who I am right now. Right now...I'll keep smiling and not let the pain show. It's better for everyone.
     Eventually Namjoon and Jin and I will have to talk but for now? I'm going to smile and pretend. I'm going to be happy and support my best friend and soulmate. I'm going to be on the sidelines like I've always been.
      Now isn't my time. That time has gone and past. My body and mind just needs to get with the program.
      I need...to be happy for them.
      For him. He needs me to be happy for him.
      I'll keep smiling.