Abducted; Namjin

Chapter Thirty Seven

Kim Seokjin

    "...just relax. I'll help you."
    I don't know what to say. Words keep getting choked up in my throat every time I glance in my best friend's direction.
     The fact that he's kneeling beside the tub and helping me bathe just...I feel ashamed. It sickens me even more when I sense the amount of emotions he's holding back just to be in my presence in my current state. I know him too well.
      I can't meet his eyes as he runs the soapy sponge over my sore and tired body. The bright lights above giving pure unadulterated evidence of the work my body has just been through. The marks and bruises...the smell of cum and blood. The smell of Namjoon and I.
     I can't breathe. This is too cruel to the both of us.
     "Relax." He sighs again as I tense up.
    I want to hide from him, to spare us both but I can't even open my mouth to apologize or defend myself. What can I say? I somewhat might have developed feelings for his soulmate and previous partner and stolen him, chaining him to my body—although not by my own fault.
      Hoseok sighs and drops the sponge, grabbing my chin and forcing me to meet his gaze. I flinch.
     "Why are you avoiding me? I'm just trying to help. It's not like we haven't been in a shower or bath together before when growing up, right? I thought we were closer than that."
     I hate the sting that comes to my eyes as he covers up his pain with a watery smile. "This is different. I don't know...I mean...what..."
     He pulls me into a hug and I feel a sob break out of my clenched teeth. "It's okay. None of this is your fault, okay? Don't cry."
     Unable to resist, I pull him hard and he slips into the large tub with me. I smile despite myself and we both laugh a bit. I smear bubbles all over his face and before I know it—we end up spilling most of the water out having a water fight.
     I've missed him so much I could die.
     We're still laughing and joking when the bathroom door is opened and a cool breeze eases in sending chills over my body.
     My laughs die out and I feel Hosoek's body tense alongside mine.
     Namjoon leans casually against the doorframe, watching us with his dark eyes. Muscles bulging as he crosses his arms, his black tight fitting uniform shirt conceding nothing.
     I don't know how to handle this situation. What's going to happen from here...
     He clears his throat. "You two having fun?"
     I glance at Hoseok who looks more serious than before despite the suds still dripping from his wet face.
     "Uhhh.."
     Namjoon smiles a tight smile, eyeing us. "Why don't you two get dry and dressed and we can talk?" He honestly doesn't sound any more eager about it than we do. It's a sucky situation for us all.
     Hoseok nods. "We'll be right out."
    His face tightens. "You can go on. I can help him in here."
     "I'd...I'd like to do it. Please."
     I'm uncomfortable as they both stare at each other in disagreement.
     Clearing my throat, I cough. "I can take care of myself. Please—both of you go on. I'll be out soon." I practically shove Hoseok out of the tub towards Namjoon.
     Both giving me a frowning, disapproving look, they leave me alone. I drop the pretense and bury my face in my hands. This is bad. Really bad. There's no way this can end well for any of us.
     But I selfishly don't want to lose either of them. I know, though, that I won't have that choice. It's not fair to force them both by my side. Not like this. I can't have Hoseok while being by Namjoon's side but I also don't want to give the curt captain up either...not after everything that's happened.
      What if they decide to restart their lives together and I'm left abandoned? What if...no. I can't keep overthinking. What will happen will happen and we just have to talk abut all this first.
     I'll accept the consequences afterward.
     Sighing, I look down at my body. Namjoon's marks are all over it. Hoseok knows everything, he saw it all, and yet...he still tries to cheer me up. I'm a terrible friend.
     Reluctantly, I climb out of the tub with a little difficulty and towel off, careful to avoid tender areas as I slip on the baggy shirt and sweats left for me.
    

     When I open the bathroom door, I see Namjoon and Hoseok both sitting down and waiting for me. The tense, uncomfortable feeling comes back. The atmosphere awkward.
     Steeling myself, I hesitantly sit down on the bed and wait, looking back at them as calmly as I can manage.
     "Why do you look so scared?" Hoseok teases me, his lips twitching a bit at my expense.
     Scowling, I throw a pillow at his head. "Shut up. You know why! This is..."
     "Shocking, right?" He finishes, holding the pillow to his chest like a protective barrier. "I know."
     "Hoseok." Namjoon's voice is soft, softer than I've ever heard it before. I press my lips into a hard line, unsure how I'm feeling at the moment.
     "I'm sorry." He finally says, glancing between us both. "I should have let it go. I shouldn't have come here. I get it now. There's really nothing for me." He's not mad but there's a deep sadness and longing in his eyes that he just can't hide.
     It breaks something in me and I feel like crying. It's not fair. "That's not true. I'm glad you are here."
     "I'm glad you are here as well, Hoseok. You don't know how much I've missed you." Namjoon's calm and sturdy facade finally begins to crack and his words become shaky. "Losing you...especially the way I did...almost killed me. I regret leaving you alone every day of my life. If only I had—"
     Hoseok shakes his head. "If you had been with me everyday, it still would have happened. There was nothing you could do. My fate was sealed just like everyone else's that day. Don't blame yourself." He walks over to the larger man and cups his face, staring into his eyes. "You did your job protecting me the best you could. I would have never blamed you. You were there for me those last moments when it truly counted and that's all I needed. I got t-to tell you I loved you and give you my l-last goodbyes." He sniffles. "That's all I could hope for and my wishes were granted."
     Namjoon collapses into Hoseok's arms, sobbing and pulling him tightly into his arms. They both break down at the long awaited reunion.
     I drop my head, unable to look anymore. This is it for me. I'm not naive. My eyes trail down to my shirt and I idly wonder what will happen if I do end up pregnant? There's no way we can be together now...not now, not like this. I can't do that to Hoseok. I won't. He's my best friend and I love him, too.
     I want to excuse myself but as soon as I stand up to give them some privacy, both release each other and look at me.
     My breath catches in my throat. "I'm just gonna—"
     "No. Stay." Hoseok smiles, wiping his eyes. Kneeling down in front of me, he clutches my shoulders. "I've been thinking a lot. You know, everything happens for a reason, Jin. I think...things were supposed to turn out this way. Some higher being put us all together like this. I love Namjoon with everything I have but I also love you." He pauses, biting his lip and wiping my own tears from my cheeks. "You know what they say, right? If you love something let it go. If it comes back then it's meant to be and if not...I think it's fair to say I had my chance and happiness with Namjoon. This time around it's your turn. He'll make you happy and that makes me happy."
     I hold back a sob. "How can you—"
    "Shh. I'm giving you my blessing. Our time came and went. I can admit that. I died. It was never supposed to last and I realize that. I think that's why you never found your true happiness on Earth. You were meant to find him. He was meant to find you and I'm lucky enough to still have you both."
     Why does his words have to hit me so damn hard? Why does it feel like his blessing is ripping me into shreds instead of bringing me happiness?
     I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up to see a blurry image of Namjoon. He looks conflicted and just as upset as us.
     "Hoseok."
     Hoseok stands up and wipes his face, forcing another smile. "I'm fine. I'm just gonna...gonna be alone right now, okay? I'll come back to see how you both are later." He practically runs from the room.
      Namjoon's hand tightens on my shoulder as he watches him go.
     "You should...you should go after him." I try to keep the tremble out of my voice but it's hard, really hard.
      He meets my eyes and we just stare at each other for a long moment. Eventually, he releases me and looks back towards the door. "I'm going to go check on him. I'll be right back."
      My chest hurts as he leaves to chase after Hoseok. I don't blame him. I told him to do it. It's fine, I'm fine. They need to talk amongst themselves anyway.
      I'll be okay.
     I'm...why is this empty room so cold now?