Abducted; Namjin

Chapter Fourty Three

Kim Seokjin

"How's the nausea?"
  Startled, I tear my gaze away from the uneaten full plate of disgusting smelling...ick...to see Hoseok smiling down at me cautiously.
  Groaning, I push the plate away and rub my stomach. "I think I'm starving...I feel hungry...but every single thing I see makes me want to puke."
"Ah yes. I remember that. Those hormones." Laughing, he takes the seat beside me and rubs my back in a soothing manner.
"I don't know what's wrong."
He rolls his eyes. "Seriously? Your body has just gone through majorly epic changes that the human body was never meant to go through and it's trying hard getting you to produce a baby. It's not supposed to be easy." He pauses. "I don't remember everything, and back then my body was supposed to be suited for pregnancy, but I do remember that was rough by itself. I can't imagine how hard it is for you right now."
I feel a little better and reassured. Sighing, I drop my head on his shoulder. "Did you ever think we'd be going through something crazy like this a year ago?"
He scoffs. "The only thing I thought a year ago was drinking, getting laid, and praying for graduation without incident and spending my free time with you." He admits.
I snort. "Same."
He hesitates, studying me. "Is..Namjoon taking proper care of you?"
I can't help blushing. "I'm not sure what you mean..."
His mouth twists. "I mean is he treating your body right? Taking care of your needs? Making sure you are okay mentally and physically?"
I feel guilty. "You don't have to ask me that."
"I do because you're my best friend and I'm worried about you. The past is the past—we've established that. You can please be honest with me."
I really don't deserve Hoseok. I truly don't. "I'm fine. We're fine." Reluctant to say more.
He catches on right away, though, knowing me far too well. "What's wrong?"
I sigh. "Nothings wrong per se. I guess...I don't know. He's a little distant with me. I'm not sure what is it. He's kind and considerate and makes sure my basic needs are met...it's just..."
His eyes widen a bit. "Lonely. Being Namjoon's partner is lonely. I know. I remember always being alone. He's an important person with big stressful responsibilities he can't just drop."
"I get that. I understand that completely and I'm not complaining."
"You're not complaining. You deserve to be given attention. You don't deserve to be lonely. I'm here, you know? You can always come to me." He grabs my hand and squeezes.
"I know. It's just..."
"Don't feel bad about me. I'm your best friend. I know I can come to you with anything and it's the same for you. It's a blessing we are still able to meet again under these circumstances, you know? We shouldn't take that for granted. I'm not."
I smile, wrapping my arms around him and holding on hard. His familiar smell of sunshine and fresh summer hitting me hard and making my eyes water with memories and nostalgia. It's everything. "You smell amazing." I admit with a laugh.
"Of course I do. Honestly, you do, too, though. It makes me think of our time together on earth."
"Same." Sighing in contentment, I release him and sit back.
I glance once more at the meal of steak, potatoes, and veggies with a side of chocolate cake with milk—all decided by me and my earthly standards—and choke out a gag. Gross.
"You done?"
"Ugh, yes. I can't stand to look at food anymore."
Nodding, he grasps my arm and together we make our way down the corridor to my room—well, my and Namjoon's room. Though he's never here much.
Plopping down on the bed, Hoseok watches me with a curious expression. "What?"
His eyes hold questions but he hesitates to open his mouth. "Jin...can I ask you something?"
I'm taken aback by the soft vulnerable sound in his voice. I'm immediately serious. "Anything."
Staring at me for a long moment in contemplation, he eventually looks away. "You know what? Nevermind. I lost my train of thought..." He laughs it off but I'm still concerned. I sense for sure he didn't forget what he wanted to say.
It's not my place to pressure it out of him, though. So I change the subject. "How have you been doing here? Do you miss home?"
Huffing, he lays back and stares at the ceiling. "What or where even is home? I miss earth a little. I miss actual land and fresh air more than anything. I want to get off this ship." He admits. "But I also don't want to lose you."
"You will never lose me." I vow. "Never again. Besties for life, right?" Teasing.
He rolls his eyes. "You sound like a girl."
"Still true, though."
"...yeah. Still true." He pauses, licking his lips. "Hey, Jin?"
"Yep?"
"Would you—"
The door opens with a loud whirring sound and both of us look over to see Namjoon pausing in surprise in the doorway, looking back and forth between us. Obviously intruding on our moment.
I glance at Hoseok but he's already getting up. "What was it?"
He shakes his head. "Nothing much. I'll talk to you later, alright? I'm tired. Gonna head back."
I watch him go, feeling a strange feeling in my gut. He dodges under Namjoon's arm and disappears in the next second. Sighing, I sit down and wonder what he wanted to say.
"How are you feeling?" Namjoon asks, striding straight to the closet and stripping out of his work shirt. I stare blankly at the bulging muscles of his back and arms as he swiftly grabs a towels, obviously heading for a shower. He looks at me when I don't answer, waiting.
"I can't eat." Admitting quietly. "I'm hungry but sick all the time. I have a headache and my body is sore. I'm just uncomfortable, I guess."
A frown pinches above his eyes and he crouches down in front of me. I can't help but notice he's only wearing his black trousers and boots. Why is my mind like this...
"Have you spoken to Jungkook?"
I shake my head. "I'm hoping it goes away."     He reaches over and lifts my shirt up, observing my body while I try to dodge his gaze self consciously.
"You've lost weight." His eyes flicker back up to mine. "You need to eat. I get it's hard but your body needs sustenance right now. You have to push through the nausea and fuel your body."
"I know that." Defensive. "You really wouldn't understand." I can't get the annoyance in my voice. How can he say that he understands when he's never experienced anything like this? He can't.
His eyes tighten. "You're right. I guess I can't know but I'm just worried about you. Your body was taking everything so well and quickly..."
"Maybe too quickly." I mutter darkly.
He raises a brow. "What do you mean by that?"
I'm suddenly really angry and hurt. I feel childish and petty but all the loneliness I've been feeling comes full force and crashes in me. We've hardly spent any time together—barely even speaking—since he fucked me and made me his.
     "Is my body the only thing you care about?" I can't help being spiteful.
     His eyes widen and he stiffens. "What?"
     "All you've ever cared about is my body, right? I'm just a vessel to carry your future spawn, right? You don't fucking care how I am as long as my body is working properly, yeah?" I push him away and stand up, pacing.
     "Are you fucking serious right now? How can you think that?!" He raises his voice but still much too calm for me. I want a fight. Need a release. I want to take it all out on him.   
    "What the hell so you mean 'how can I think that'?! It's obvious! You just drew me in and trapped me! Got me to drop my guard for you and came in for the kill, right? You always said I'm only around to be pregnant. I guess I just thought you actually wanted me around for me. I was wrong, right?" Shouting now. Tears of anger coursing down my cheeks.
      He strides forward and grabs my wrists, jerking me into his chest, holding me immobile. I try, really try but I can't budge. He's too strong. It's ridiculous and not fair. "Jin, calm down. It's not like that at all. I love you. I thought I made that clear. I would not have invaded you and made love to you had I not felt anything."
      I shake my head refusing to hear any of it. "Liar! You're just using me! Get off me! Don't fucking touch me!" I scream, a little hysterical even to myself.
     I'm too fired up to think properly, though.
    He maneuvers me back to the bed and pushes me down, pinning me down with his body weight. I pant raggedly up at him, cursing him for his stupid calm. I hate it!
     Eyes narrowed, I spit out "I don't know how Hoseok put up with this! I bet he was miserable!"
     I instantly regret my words. Regret everything has his face shudders with pain and shock. He releases me at once and moves away from me. Turning his back to me.
     I sit up and just as quickly as my rage came, it fades and I feel awful. That was too much. Not fair. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I...I..."
    "D-did he say that?" He won't look at me. His head is dropped low over his shoulders and his body is tense. Too tense. "Did he tell you he was miserable being with me?"
     "No. He never said that."
     "What did he say?"
     I hesitate. "That he understands being with you is lonely." It's true. I feel the same. I need to be honest. "You're never around and we're on the same damn ship."
     He turns back around and stares at me for a long, long time in silence. "You're right. I'm sorry. I've been too busy and not paying you enough attention. Can you forgive me and give me another chance?" 
     I blink up at him in shock, practically gaping. I just threw a huge fit and went the fuck off on him and know for a fact I hit nerves and yet....nothing. He apologizes?   
     "You're not human." I whisper, speaking without thinking.
     His eyebrow raises. "Yes. I believe we made that clear, Seokjin. I'm not human. I won't engage in senseless irrational emotions when I know it is my fault you're like this. I'm apologizing because you're right. I will remedy it."  
     I can't with him. Really. I don't know how to handle this...this...fucking alien. I can't even stay properly mad at him and that infuriates me but it's aimed more at myself. Ugh.
     Sighing, he approaches slowly and caresses my cheek. "If I bring you food will you please try to eat?"
     Trying not to pout and appear weak and unmanly, I nod, unable to meet his eyes. I feel ashamed now that I'm calmed down. Stupid hormones.
     "Alright. I'll be back shortly. Please relax and tell me when you need something from me. I can't read your mind." He tosses his towel and puts his shirt back on before leaving the room for the cafeteria.
      Shit!
     How did I suddenly become the bar person?
     He's a pro at making me feel bad without doing anything.   
     How the hell did Hoseok deal with him all his life? I keep forgetting he isn't human nor has the same responses as me all the time.
     And he's a captain. Of course he's never irrational or emotional.
     I wonder what could possibly make him lose his calm? Now I'm tempted to find his triggers just to make me feel better. I don't want to be the only one angry and emotional.
     ...maybe I am the one at fault here.
     ...or maybe I just need to fucking eat.