The words I wish I never said

Chapter 15

Ayisha POV

I'm so excited to be playing volleyball again. I feel like I've gained extra weight without exercising for the past three weeks. I'm dressed in my shorts, t-shirt and tekkies. I put my stuff in the gym locker and walk to the court. The team is warming up when I get there. We have a match to play after the basketball game. I'm nervous, it's been a while since I played and let's hope I won't trip on something. After I make sure my shoes are tied properly. I walk over to join the team and I stand next to Emma.

"She's back. Now I won't get bored with all these fake faces." Emma whispers.

I laugh. I stretch my body to make sure my muscles won't stiff when I'm playing. We begin to play a match against each other. Our coach has split us into two teams. We play for about an hour and my team lost. It a bummer but we learn to succeed. We all make our way back to locker room. I open my locker and wipe myself with the towel. I check my phone for any messages. I got a few of them, one from my mom asking me about dinner, two are Emma's going crazy about me playing again, Adam as well and an unknown number. I click on it and what it reads makes my heart stop. 'You got lucky but it's not over princess' with a winky emoji. How did they find my number? I thought it was over and person gave up but here's a message telling me something else. I feel like I'm suffocating. I can't breath everything is spinning. My phone is shaking in my hands and I'm feeling weak. My stomach gets tight and suddenly feel like vomiting. I close my eyes and try to control my breathing. I don't want my anxiety attack to get worse. I taste salty water and I know crying now. I quickly wipe my tears. I need to calm down. I start counting slowly and taking deep breaths. Once I feel calm, I open my eyes and wipe my tears again. I look around the locker room to see if anyone was paying attention to me and thankfully everyone is minding their own business. I need to get out of here. I gather my things and close my locker. I turn to walk but Emma blocks my path. Her eyes are filled with concern and I realise she might have seen everything that just happened five minutes ago.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"Yes... I'm okay. No actually I feel great."

She looks at me in suspense. I smile a little so that she can believe me. I just want to get home. I don't feel safe in this locker room.

"Are you sure? I saw you crying"

"I'm fine Emma." I snap.

Emma takes a step back and puts up her hands in front of me. She gives me a sad look. I don't usually just snap on people like that unless I'm stressed or freaking out. I shouldn't have done that. Emma did nothing wrong to me and here I am behaving like this.

"I'm sorry Emma. I just had a long day and I'm tired. I guess being back here has been overwhelming."

It has also become unsafe for me. The whole school has become unsafe for me. I just want to know who this is and tell them to stop. I want to have a normal life again as a teenager. Is that hard to ask for?

"I understand with being poisoned. It's been a bit rough because you still don't know who did it is. You are stronger than you think Ayisha and I know you will make it through this."

"Thanks Emma. I should go home now and take a shower. I smell bad."

"Okay Ay. Make sure you drive safely."

I give her a hug and walk out of the locker room quickly. I get to my car and drive home. My hands start to shake on the steering wheel and I feel tears falling down my cheeks. I wipe them using the back of my hand. I park my car in the driveway and get into the house. I run upstairs and throw my bags on the floor in my bedroom. I turn on the water in the shower and get in. I begin tears fall out and my body is shaking rapidly. I sit on the shower floor and hug my knees. With every drop that falls from the shower head, my tears keep coming out. Why does it have to be me? What have I done to deserve this? The water has turned cold but I don't feel like getting out. I want to hide from the world and be left with my darkness.