The words I wish I never said

Chapter 19

The alarm goes off and switch it off. I roll onto my back to stare at the ceiling. I didn't get much sleep last night. I was terrified to go back to sleep because of the dream I had. It was more of a nightmare. I was in the middle of nowhere, deep inside a forest and a person had a gun aimed at me. I couldn't run or scream for help. When the gun went off that's when I woke up and I thought that it really happened when it didn't. I spent most of the night looking at Adam breath. He looked at peace and I was relieved that he didn't get any nightmare. We would've both probably been a mess. I kept thinking about everything that is happening in my life. I'm scared that I might die and it's terrifying that I don't know who wants that. It could be anybody to be honest but why would someone want me dead? That's the question that keeps repeating in my head.

I feel tears roll into my ears. I turn my back on Adam so that he doesn't have to see me cry. I quietly sob into the pillow. It is slowly becoming difficult to breathe and my body is shaking. I quietly slip out of the bed to go to the bathroom. I turn the shower on and strip my clothes off before go in. I lean my head against the cold tile and my sobs become louder. It becomes hard to breathe and I slowly sink until I'm sitting on the shower floor. My whole body feels so cold even though the hot water is pouring all over my body. I hug my legs and cry. I wish my mom was here. I need her. She would've told to calm down and take deep breaths. I try to take a deep breath but I don't calm down. I slowly take deep breath and count until ten.

Once I've calm down, I get to up to start washing myself. I take longer because my hands just won't stop shaking. I turn the shower off once I'm done. I grab a towel to dry myself and wrap it around me. Brush my teeth and I quietly open the door that leads to the bedroom and to find Adam still sleeping. Thank Jesus, he didn't hear what happened in the shower. I walk to the wardrobe and take clothes out to wear. I quickly put the jeans and tank top on. I complete the look by wearing an old converse sneaker and Adam's red hoodie. I hope he doesn't mind when he wakes up. I take my phone from the night stand and walk out of the room. I quickly write a note and leave it on the counter in the kitchen. I grab the car keys and get out of the house.

My face gets kissed by the fresh morning air. I take a deep breath with my eyes closed and I could smell the water of the lake. The sun is rising above the lake, making the water look beautiful with the colours of red and orange when my eyes catch a sight of it when they open. I get in the car and drive out of the driveway. I search for the closest supermarket, to discover it's thirty minutes away from the house. I park my car in the parking lot and take a trolley to put the groceries.

I made a list last night when I couldn't sleep. I stroll down the aisles as I tick everything that is on my list when I put the items in the trolley. As I walk into the last aisle and find that it's the junk section. I stop in front of the packs of different kinds of brands for crispy chips. I don't know which ones the guys like but I definitely know Adam's favorite. I put a big packet of sweet chilli doritos for him and sour cream lays for me in the trolley. I'm not sure if Emma likes the Simbas or Fritos. I just take both brands anyway because I don't even know what Ethan likes. I push the trolley further down the aisle then I hear someone shout my name from behind. I slowly turn around to see Noah. I know him because my father did a huge project for his family few years ago. He looks so different from the last time I saw him. He was quite a chubby kid and I think he had a crush on me. He was always trying to flirt with me but I wasn't really into dating at that time. I wouldn't even have tried to date him. He was such a spoilt brat.

"Hey it's been a while since I've seen you here." Noah says when he gets closer to me.

"Hello Noah." I greet him.

"Wow Ayisha... You still look beautiful."

I feel terrible. If only he knew I was crying my eyes out in the shower an hour ago. I smile and study him properly. He has lost the extra weight and looks like he lifts heavy things for a living.