Hi, I'm Kurt. A binge-drinking, pill-popping disco diva with a heart of platinum and an appetite for self-destruction.
Welcome to Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2).
Adapted from a collection of nightly...
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July 9
Slept in as long as I wanted this morning, which was much-needed. I have officially rid myself of all sickness. I really wanted to smoke weed last night, but I am so glad that I didn't. I still woke up with a food hangover, though.
My body is back to OOC – Out of Control. I think it's a mix of the post-Pride bloat brought on by all of the drugs and alcohol of last weekend, along with my diet of the last week. I've essentially been living off restaurant food and sour candy. The Clubhouse offers their employees a meal plan, which I foolishly opted into last month. I need to quit the damn thing. As long as I'm paying for that food – if you can even call it "food" – I'm going to want to eat it. I can't have cheesy potatoes and tortillas for breakfast anymore! I can't even fit into my clothes anymore!
While in bed this morning, I did my usual phone scroll. Imagine my frustration when I discovered that Phillip and PW were together at a party last night. I fucking hate social media.
This morning's discovery had me angry for two reasons:
1. Technically, I could have been with PW last night. However, that doesn't really frustrate me all that much. A house party wouldn't have been the best venue for a second date anyway. That's fine. You get a pass, PW.
2. Phillip never fucking invites me to anything. Meanwhile, I invite my brother to everything. I invite Phillip to parties. I invite Phillip to my apartment. I invite Phillip's friends to my apartment. I serve them all drinks. I facilitate penetration between Phillip and my friends, I promote his work, and the kid won't even fucking introduce me to his friends. It's like my own brother is embarrassed of me. It hurts.
I worked in my room for a while, fixing my resume, and beginning the application process for some new job postings. I also listened to Mariah's MTV Unplugged album on a continuous loop for about three hours. A typical Saturday morning, really. Afterwards, I went downstairs, had lunch, played with Tabitha, and then took a nap. I ended up working in the library, solely because I wanted to be near the cat.
I truly believe in animal therapy. That damn cat puts such a smile on my face. Tabitha wipes away all of my troubles. It's such an incredible feeling. Maybe I do want a dog. I went on a rant last week about how much I hate them but, as much as I love cats, dogs are more responsive when it comes to human emotion. Tabitha is good with me for about five to ten minutes, and then the claws come out and she wants to brutally murder me like one of her mice or chipmunks. Ah, who am I kidding? I love my baby. We are so much alike when it comes to our social tendencies.
While working in the library, I ended up texting with Lauryn quite a bit. At a certain point, Phillip came up in our conversation. It's not like Lauryn and I sit around talking about Phillip all day, but the two of them did have sex. Now that Lauryn knows Phillip – like, actually knows him – we talk about him from time to time.
Lauryn could tell something was off with me, and asked if I was upset with Phillip. I admitted that I was. I explained to Lauryn how Phillip never includes me in anything, and how it hurts. Lauryn's advice was that I shouldn't keep it bottled up. I should talk to Phillip about it. Together, Lauryn and I drafted a text, and I ended up sending it to Phillip. I was honest, admitting to Phillip that I was upset over how he won't include me in his social life the way I include him in mine. That was around the time all hell broke loose.
