Hi, I'm Kurt. A binge-drinking, pill-popping disco diva with a heart of platinum and an appetite for self-destruction.
Welcome to Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2).
Adapted from a collection of nightly...
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December 2
While stoned in bed last night, and eating more cookies than anyone should consume in a single sitting, I began drafting my resignation letter for The Clubhouse. And by "drafting," I mean that I asked Dan to forward me what he gave his boss when he recently quit his job. I then proceeded to cut out most of the pleasantries, and change the names, job title, and work location. Done!
Writing my letter was the moment everything really clicked. I am doing this. This is happening. It's almost surreal that I've basically spent the entirety of this job experience wanting to quit, and now it was the eve of my resignation. My stomach turned as I read the letter back to myself before bed. I couldn't stop thinking about how horrible the process was going to be. So, I ate another cookie, retrieved my damp laundry from the basement, and turned off the lights.
Once at The Clubhouse around 9 a.m., today was business as usual. Essentially, I was occupying myself with anything that would distract me from the fact that the countdown was officially on. At 3:30 p.m., I was going to be reciting my exit speech to Big Bird. I had been practicing it out loud since the minute I woke up this morning.
Big Bird was out of our office quite a bit today. While she was in a morning meeting, I printed off my letter, sealed it in an envelope, and practiced my story once more. If anyone asks, I'm going to be working on a year-long creative project contract with my Uncle Jack, who works for The Walt Disney Company in San José, California. Ha! One can dream, I guess. Also, I love how that backstory was Mom's idea. Now, I know where I get it from. Yikes.
As it always does, the day progressed. Big Bird mentioned that she wanted to have a meeting with me after we finished our lunches, as she wanted to go over how to conduct a building tour for prospective members. Meanwhile, I have been giving fucking impromptu tours for the last six months. Now, Big Bird wants to teach me? Well, you waited a bit too long on that one!
Lunch was over. We worked for a bit. Then, it was time.
Oh! Wait a minute.
Before it was time, I opened my personal email and noticed a message from Jacqueline – the Amphitheatre Entertainment VP who I spoke with yesterday. Apparently, Jacqueline loved the Clubhouse newsletters and MOMENTS party description I forwarded. Even better, Jacqueline offered me a writing assignment for Amphitheatre's blog! If that wasn't a sign I was making the right decision today, I don't know what was.
Following that lovely email moment, it was officially time to bite the bullet. I had to start my Lamaze breathing exercises. I could literally feel my heart pounding in my throat. I needed to calm the fuck down! Big Bird gathered her paperwork, we left our office, and settled into one of the upstairs meeting rooms so that she could teach me all about tours.
Truth be told, I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to interject my resignation into our meeting. Before we got started, Big Bird brought up the Clubhouse's upcoming holiday party that Stella had harassed me about last night. This was my moment.
