Hi, I'm Kurt. A binge-drinking, pill-popping disco diva with a heart of platinum and an appetite for self-destruction.
Welcome to Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2).
Adapted from a collection of nightly...
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September 15
My body is in so much pain. After only two days of working out, I can barely walk when I wake up in the morning. Why is everything such a fucking struggle all the time?
I got to The Clubhouse at 9 a.m., settled into my office chair, and had finished all of my work within a couple of hours. Today was a bit of a drag, but that seems to be the norm in my personal circle of hell – otherwise known as The Clubhouse. Big Bird is such a fucking lunatic. I'm almost certain that she has some form of ADHD. Big Bird can't stay focused for more than two minutes, and her mood changes about every three minutes. Both of those combined makes for a never-ending cycle of dysfunction, which is hardly something you want from your superior.
I have absolutely zero direction at work. When I try to make some headway on a project, Big Bird and I will talk in circles for hours, typically until it's 5 p.m. and I have to leave. My latest endeavor involves creating and automating a birthday email campaign for members, which I'm actually quite excited about.
"It's something I can finally move forward with," I told Big Bird.
Naturally, Big Bird seemed offended by my comment. As if we have done so much else in our office over the past three months. We've done fuck all! The more I think about the master plan I concocted yesterday, the more I persuade myself to take that leap into the unknown.
Amidst the variety of web surfing and GIF downloading I accomplished at work today, I also worked out some financial math for my master plan. If I budget myself properly over the next three months, I think I should be able to save about $4,000. That's decent, right? I have to get out of here.
Mom always talks about "knowing" when you're ready to do something.
"When the time comes for you to make a decision, you should have no doubt about what you want to do," she says.
I'm nearing that point of assurance. At the same time, I'll admit that I'm a little scared to move forward with this crazy plan I've come up with. Isn't that a good thing, though? I want to be a little scared. I have this thing laid out, but I think the risk of it all is kind of exciting. I need a shake up so badly, and they don't call it that if everything is neat, pretty, and secure. I don't want security or safety. I want adventure. I want to change the direction of my life.
Work progressed. It was what it was. Big Bird continued to interrupt me whenever I had something to say. When I would leave the room, Big Bird would also change the music she asked me to put on in the first place. In the interest of maintaining a good working relationship, I won't be a bitch about things or whine about them to Big Bird. I'm just going to ride this Clubhouse thing out for as long as I can, make my money, and then get the fuck outta Dodge. I know you shouldn't ever wish time away, but I am ready for this year to be over.
I truly believed that 2016 was going to be amazing for me. The year certainly started out on a very nice note, but things quickly turned sour. Then, I turned 26. I thought I would be able to put all of the mess that was 25 behind me, but clearly, that wasn't in the cards either. Maybe I should stop planning for things to change, and instead focus on actively working to change them. I feel like that's what I'm doing, though. Why isn't it working?
