Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2)

October 22

October 22

Really good day today.

I feel lucky. I mean, I always feel fortunate. I try to maintain that sense of awareness as much as I can. However, I feel really lucky, too. Like, how did I end up in this position where I get almost everything that I want?

As I write a statement like the one above, I realize it sounds like I'm a spoiled brat. I don't mean it that way, though. I mean it in the sense that, when I declare I want something, whether it's a tangible item or for something to happen, it does. That's because it's due to a committed effort. Well, sometimes.

In most cases, I typically have to fight for what I want. Either that, or find a ridiculous way to make something happen. Other times, there are instances when I don't have to do anything. Life somehow just works in my favor. Mind you, there are also moments when it feels like life does the exact opposite of what I want. When that happens, it's as though everything is falling apart at the same time. Life will either be really good and stable, or it'll just be really, really bad.

 Nonetheless, today was a good day. It was nice to spend a Saturday with friends.

In favor of a much-needed sleep-in, I skipped the gym. An excellent decision at the time. After a restful morning, I took the car out and scooped up Connor and Dan at their apartments before the three of us drove to Niagara Falls for the day. I had to pick up a few packages south of the border, and the boys joined me for the mini road trip and promise of a meal at The Cheesecake Factory.

The decision to leave Evan out and uninformed of today's festivities was a group decision. The main reasoning was because Evan's been on a bit of a rampage lately. None of us were in the mood to be yelled at by a Real Housewife for doing something like breathing too loudly. I felt bad about it. At the same time, what Evan contributes to my life is either nothing, or something negative. My personal reasoning was that I haven't had an individual conversation with Evan in over two months. What kind of friendship is that? Dan and Connor were invited today because we talk and catch up frequently. Of course, if Evan ever finds out, it will be the end of our "friendship" for sure. Oh, well.

The drive to Niagara Falls took slightly longer than usual. After crossing the border, we picked up my packages – including my new Mariah Carey "Heartbreaker" hooker heels – and then did some grocery shopping at Trader Joe's and had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. Good times. Lots of laughs. Just what I needed. Oh, and ample Mariah music on the drive. Sort of a beginner's lesson for Connor.

Back in Toronto, I dropped the boys off downtown before picking up my dirty clothes at the Witch Cave and continuing north to Casa Z. I overdid it with the food today. Both at home and in Niagara Falls. I got cocky when the scale displayed a lower number this morning. After today's debauchery, I'm sure that number will be back up to 190 when I wake up in the morning. Damn it. On the plus side, I look fucking stunning as Mariah. The jeans, heels, top, and wig have all come together quite nicely. If I can just get the food thing in order this week and stop eating by Wednesday or Thursday, I'll be golden.

I basically played dress-up in my bedroom closet all night. Not just for myself, but for Mom as well. Tonight was essentially a fashion show of my wigs and Halloween costumes. I then stayed up late watching yet another JonBenét Ramsey documentary. Typical me, I guess.

I'm so excited for Halloween. I also feel like I'm going to throw up the chips I just ate. I won't, though.

Time for bed.

Goodnight xo