Hi, I'm Kurt. A binge-drinking, pill-popping disco diva with a heart of platinum and an appetite for self-destruction.
Welcome to Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2).
Adapted from a collection of nightly...
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October 25
I mean, really. What's there to say about today? The idea that today might have produced a journal entry worth reading is about as big a stretch as me enjoying a sporting event. A lost cause at best.
After dragging my ass out of bed this morning, I popped some extra caffeine pills to get things moving. I'm out of coffee. I needed the boost. Sue me. Following my usual routine at the Witch Cave, I made it to work for 9 a.m.
Once again, I did nothing all day. And I truly mean nothing. How is that even possible? I know I'll actually have some work to do in the coming days, but the fact that I sat in an office for eight hours today and did fuck all is alarming on so many levels.
On that note, my boredom at work has reached a point where I have nothing else left to look at pon de internet. I've seen it all. In fact, my brain feels exhausted by the amount of data and media I consumed today. The saddest part is that I can't even remember most of what I looked at. That's the problem with today's digital society – it's all so fleeting. I probably watched hundreds of videos and looked at even more photos over the course of my day. Did I absorb any of them? Hardly. Everything feels like such a waste of my time. Work, social media, etc. I couldn't even nap when Big Bird left the office for a meeting this afternoon, because too many people were passing by my door. Rude.
In an attempt to show face at two Clubhouse events this evening, I stayed late at work and left the building around 7 p.m.
I am so fucking hungry. I ate enough vegetables today to feed a Mormon family at Thanksgiving. Not only did the roughage leave me feeling sick and then starving an hour later, but I got the shits while I was leaving work. Damn it!
Honestly, I don't know how I used starve myself the way I did when I was younger. I'll never forget that one time I went three whole days without eating anything. Now, I can hardly go three minutes without jumping out of my chair and scouring the Clubhouse for something to shove down my gullet. I'm trying, though. Normally, things wouldn't be this bad. I'm pulling double duty though, because I've got to fix the mess I got myself into over the summer thanks to my toe. That fucking toe. I swear to God. The damn thing still hurts in every pair of shoes I wear. I suppose it's looking somewhat better these days, so that's something.
Following my Clubhouse events and bowel movement, I walked to the gym and attempted to make it through my normal workout routine. The biggest distraction was the constant interruption by my stomach, telling me that it was time for yet another "episode."
I finished up on the treadmill, relaxed in the sauna, almost fell asleep on the subway, and now I'm writing this at home. It's 12:30 a.m. The shitty thing is that I'll be in bed at the same time tomorrow, if not later. I have another Clubhouse event to attend, thus ruling out any chance of sleep. I'm so damn tired. I'm also getting bored. I mean, I've been bored with my job for a while. It's more than that, though. I'm ready for an adventure. Or, at the very least, to have some good times with friends.
This month has been a real eye-opener for me when it comes to the realization that getting fucked up every weekend and waking up to a hangover is less than ideal. Instead, I now wake up on Saturday and Sunday feeling rested and generally happier. Will I stop drinking? No. Sobriety isn't really an option for me. However, I would like to think that I have come to a better understanding of my limits and what is an appropriate balance between a fun night out and staying at home on a Friday night. I don't want to abuse something so much to the point that I have to give it up. I'm really excited for Halloween.
I'm trying to think of anything else interesting that passed through my brain today. I'm drawing blanks. The annoying part is that I know there were things I wanted to talk about, but now I feel as though they've been completely lost amidst the endless flow of digital garbage that I stared at today.
Note to self: when trying to lose weight, it's probably best not to watch recipe videos on an endless loop for three hours.
