Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2)

November 28

November 28

As we inch closer to doomsday – otherwise known as Friday to the rest of the population – I naturally begin to think more and more about the situation with Big Bird. I'm trying to avoid overthinking it. Actually, I'm trying to avoid thinking about it entirely. I need to keep my sanity – or what's left of it. Nonetheless, the reminder of my looming resignation continues to creep up on me when I least expect it. I know Big Bird is going to be so horrible about the whole thing.

Due to a meeting with the Vice President of Creative Content at Amphitheatre Entertainment, I started work a little bit later today. The meeting was a result of the initial conversation I had with Amphitheatre's C.E.O., Edward Tilton.

Overall, I think this morning's meeting went well. Still, a part of me thinks I was too relaxed with the VP. It's very typical of me to do that. I'm alarmingly casual and informal in so many areas of my life.

Note to self: don't sit on your leg during a meeting!

Now, I can't stop thinking about all of it. As if the entire meeting was a bad car accident that I'm being forced to relive. I scored an incredible opportunity to meet and greet with the VP of one of Canada's largest entertainment companies, and I was completely nonchalant about it. Shit. The guy was probably rolling his eyes at me as he drove his Range Rover back to Forrest Hill.

Once I arrived at The Clubhouse around 11 a.m., I worked steadily until 5 p.m. Afterwards, I hit the gym in record time and then skipped home.

Knowing each coming day in the Witch Cave is my last, I can't help but become somewhat nostalgic. I have to continue reminding myself that I am confident with my choices, though. That's exactly what makes these decisions easier. Although, to be honest, the weed I smoked tonight is making me extra anxious about everything I've just written about.

I'm very nervous about quitting my job. Big Bird is going to make my life miserable. I don't have a choice, so perhaps that makes things easier? I don't want to admit it, but I also get nervous about whatever's next. The whole idea of The Plan is definitely scary on a certain level, but I remind myself that I am making the right choice by taking this leap of faith. In the end, everything will work out. Positive reinforcement, right?

In a surprising turn of events, the Amphitheatre VP encouraged my journaling during our meeting this morning. Not just on the basic level of writing, but that perhaps those talents could be something to develop professionally.

I think what's happened over time, is that writing these journal entries has become such a standard practice in my life. Oftentimes, I fail to realize just how much I am actually writing. Journaling is a basic part of my daily routine. As such, I don't think much about it until an encounter like today's. The VP reminded me that the act of writing over 1,000 words every single day is actually quite impressive, and also requires a lot of discipline and dedication.

I'm not going to lie. When the VP encouraged my writing, it felt great. In trying to discover what I think would make me happy in a long-term professional/career sense, writing has always been present. In fact, I think I'm even pretty good at it. I suppose there's always room for improvement or a stronger synonym, but writing is something that I actually enjoy doing. That's the difference. I'm good at a lot of things – it doesn't necessarily mean I enjoy doing them, though.

During our meeting, the VP also mentioned that he was going to get in touch with a few different people on his Creative Content team. This includes a director who might be able to assign me a small writing project. Hmm. I guess it was a good meeting after all? I'm excited!

I'm also tired.

And high.

And full of breakfast carbs, because I essentially funneled a box of Lucky Charms down my gullet tonight.

I need to sleep.

Goodnight xo