Hi, I'm Kurt. A binge-drinking, pill-popping disco diva with a heart of platinum and an appetite for self-destruction.
Welcome to Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2).
Adapted from a collection of nightly...
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October 30
I rolled over in bed, and looked at my IKEA clock on the wall.
11:00 a.m.
Considering the time I went to bed last night, not completely jarring. Aaron was in the kitchen. I heard the water running. I had my fingers crossed that he was doing the dishes, as I was in no mood to start cleaning. I wasn't hungover, but I was definitely a bit groggy. That grogginess soon turned into a burst of energy, which I was totally fine with.
While I composed myself in bed and reviewed my social media from last night, Aaron sat down on the couch. He asked me how my night was, and I elaborated on my lie about hooking up with a guy across town.
"Oh," I said. "I never ended up going to his house. The guy had fallen asleep, but I also realized that I didn't want to hook up while in drag."
That's believable, right? Yeah. Totally fine.
Listen. The first time I hung out alone with Aaron was when we hooked up in my car at the back of a Walgreens parking lot in Orlando, Florida. I wasn't in the mood to come while Aaron was giving me a blowjob, so I faked an orgasm and he believed me. If Aaron was willing to believe that, I don't think last night's hook up story will be a problem.
Aaron had been texting with Dan earlier, and told him to come over so we could all go to brunch together. Dan showed up around noon. We re-capped the night, played a round of Super Nintendo Street Fighter II, watched an episode of The Nanny, and then I dunked my head under the bathtub faucet and we left the Witch Cave to embark on our long journey across the street for brunch at Smith. Following a lengthy wait, we settled in at our table where I reluctantly ate my first full meal in about four days. My stomach was not prepared for it, but that didn't stop me from almost licking my plate clean.
Even before I woke up this morning, I knew that today was going to be less than ideal. In typical Aaron fashion, he had no plans whatsoever for his visit. Aaron just wanted to do whatever I wanted to do. We've been over this before, though. I don't do things! Once it gets cold out, I honestly become a hermit. If it were still summer, we could have gone to the beach or park. However, once the temperature drops, I like to stay inside my apartment or go to the gym. That's not really an option when you have someone visiting from out of town. I find it annoying when a friend depends on me to make the plans for their vacation.
Fortunately, Aaron told me that he was meeting a friend at 5 p.m. for dinner. After we finished our brunch around 2 p.m., that meant I only had to play host for a few hours. Perfect. This is the difference between Aaron and myself. When I travel somewhere, I know exactly what I want to do. Usually that involves being left the fuck alone, but I always have plans and places I want to visit. With Aaron, he would be happy just sitting in my apartment and staring at a black TV screen. I'll never understand that mentality. Why visit a city if you're not going to do anything there?
After a short nap and some Lamaze-style breathing exercises to digest my food, I threw on a pair of boots and took Aaron for the standard Queen Street West stroll. It's basically my go-to with tourists, because it's the easiest thing I can do that's still somewhat entertaining for me. The walk was the same as always. Nothing special.
Obviously, Aaron and I did a lot of talking over the course of our three-hour walk. I asked a lot of questions about Aaron's fiancé Sonny and their upcoming wedding. Truth be told, I had sort of been avoiding the conversation. I didn't want to let anything slip about how ridiculous I found the whole quickie engagement thing, but at the same time it would have been slightly rude of me not to acknowledge the milestone. I mean, I barely paid attention to Aaron's "Save the Date" invitation last month. I had to say something.
Through my Barbra Walters roleplaying, I got all of the basic info. How the couple met, how their relationship developed, and how things came to be where they are now. Unfortunately, the way Aaron spoke about his engagement and upcoming wedding didn't really change my jaded view on the situation.
Listen. I get it. I understand and appreciate the idea that you can love someone so much that you want to marry them right away. In fact, I can totally see that happening to myself. I know what I want when I see it, and I'd like to think that I'm pretty good at acting on my gut feelings – for better or for worse. But, that's not what has me pulling out my eyelashes at all of this.
On the contrary, it's the fact that when Aaron spoke about his engagement, it was as though he was talking about signing up for a Starbucks Rewards card. It was simple, it made sense, and it wouldn't impact anything in his life.
"It's not going to change anything about our relationship," Aaron said. "What's the difference if we get married now, or in five years?"
Hmm. I can think of a few things!
On top of that, Aaron said that Sonny has always wanted to get married before he turned 30.
"If I can make someone else happy," Aaron reasoned, "Why not do it?"
But. Like. What? Obviously, I understand that not everyone is going to have the same view on marriage. Everything Aaron was saying just left me shaking my head in disbelief, though. On the inside, of course. Marriage does change things. If not mentally, then at least legally. Of course you want to do things in a relationship to make your partner happy. You should do those things. That's a given. However, rushing to tie the knot with someone so that they can live out their Fran the Nanny fantasy is not why you get married!
A large part of me feels incredibly guilty for ripping into Aaron's engagement the way I am. I want to be supportive and happy for my friend. I've known Aaron for a long time, and I truly appreciate his friendship. Perhaps this is the protective side of me coming through. I don't see this engagement as being the right decision for Aaron, and I worry that things aren't going to end well for my friend. I guess that's not up to me to decide though, is it? Dan says that maybe I will see things differently once I finally meet Sonny. Perhaps I will.
When 5 p.m. finally rolled around, I left Aaron with his friend so they could go have dinner together. I walked home alone. When I arrived at the Witch Cave, I realized that my feet were hurting extra bad because there was a chunk of fucking glass stuck in the bottom of my foot. I had broken a champagne flute in my bathroom last night, and apparently didn't clean it all up. Fuck. As if I need any more problems with my feet.
Still exhausted from last night, I crawled into bed and took a nap. When I woke up, I packed my bag and went to the gym. It was late, but I think of the gym as a bit of a sanctuary. It's a place I can go where I know I won't see any familiar faces, plus it gives me an excuse to run away and hide for a few hours. That's exactly what I got tonight.
Once finished with my normal workout routine, I schlepped home around 11 p.m. I caught up with Aaron, who I'm pretty sure had been sitting in darkness for the last two hours after he got home from dinner. I don't – I don't know what to say. It's his visit. You do you, Aaron.
Bedtime came around quickly, and then it was lights out. I really don't like sharing my bed.
