Hi, I'm Kurt. A binge-drinking, pill-popping disco diva with a heart of platinum and an appetite for self-destruction.
Welcome to Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2).
Adapted from a collection of nightly...
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August 14
I slept in until noon today, which was 100% necessary for me to feel like a human being again. Of course, a late start also means I'm forced to rush through the remainder of my day.
I feel like I'm always fucking rushing. When is there going to be a day when I can just sit on my ass and do nothing? Or at least feel like I'm not hosting a constant competition between sleep and productivity. I don't like this adulting business. I don't like it one bit.
I was completely exhausted from yesterday. Last night's edibles probably put me into a slight coma, too. I ran out to Walmart for groceries, came home, packed up my laundry, ate, and went to The Store to work 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. It was really weird. Almost anti-climactic, even. I thought my last shift at The Store was going to be this big going away celebration with a lot of people and tears. It wasn't. Instead, things were so busy that everyone was running around with their heads chopped off. It was very hectic.
While working on the sales floor, I enjoyed some one-on-one moments with guests. Passing out stickers, interacting with kids, and giving out all of the free crap I could find. I was really just trying to go above and beyond, as they say. That's the thing. At The Store, doing more than the bare minimum isn't a chore. I mean, I suppose it isn't really anywhere else either. That's just how I'm wired.
I found a basket of old buttons behind the cash, which I let two kids rummage through. I told them to take whatever they wanted. Later, the mother came up to me and admitted that the kids' aunt had just died, and that I really made their day with the button gesture. That was both heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time.
Alicia left at 6 p.m. The rest of us worked independently during the visual set until about 11 p.m., which was when I had to leave. Everyone else stayed and continued to work.
It was very strange leaving The Store tonight. I spent four years of my life in that box. Eight years in total with the company. I've cried in every corner, dealt with breakups in the back room, laughed with everyone, yelled at everyone, been physically harassed by soccer moms, been stabbed in the back by co-workers – everything. There are so many memories for me at The Store, both good and bad. It's crazy.
I will say though, I am glad that I had tonight's last shift. It reminded me that I really don't like the retail line of work. I was not happy doing the visuals. The customer service work on the sales floor was fun for three hours – even less, because I spent a lot of time in the back room talking to Alicia and taking the garbage out – but I can't sustain that. I can't work retail full-time. It's incredibly draining, both mentally and physically.
I managed to get one last scam in tonight. There was a box of journals that Alicia needed destroyed, as they couldn't be sold in Canada. I convinced Alicia to let me take one of them home, and she said it was fine as long as I destroyed the rest. Well, I wheeled the box to the garbage, but then turned around and took all 12 copies to my car and threw them in the trunk. I'm not throwing away journals! Not only would it be a complete waste, but there are so many kids that I could give them to. Imagine the creative writing those books could hold! To be honest, the whole thing almost felt like a sign for me. It was my last shift at The Store, and there were blank journals waiting there for me? The pencils that came with the journals had "Listen with Your Heart" engraved on their sides.
