August 17
Slow day at work. I dicked around a lot, but actually had to do some work because Big Bird returned from her vacation. It was very annoying. All I wanted to do was write.
Overall, it was a pretty laid-back day. I saw Mom and Dad quickly when they dropped off a package for me at work, and then I had another Open House social event in the evening. Sometime in the afternoon, it dawned on me that I hadn't masturbated since the weekend. In the interest of multi-tasking and striking things off my to-do list, I took care of business in one of the handicapped bathrooms at The Clubhouse. I couldn't take it longer. It felt so amazing.
At 6:30 p.m. I hosted the Open House event, which went well. Only about ten members showed up, but they were all young so it was fine. Socializing with people my age is always easier. I also tried flirting with one of the guys, but couldn't figure out his vibe. Wow. Great hosting, Kurt. My lack of professionalism aside, the guy had just finished a post-secondary program in publishing and gave me some very promising tips on how to publish a non-fiction book. Very good to know.
I've still got to deal with the whole "taking time off for Vegas" thing at The Clubhouse. Now that the Toronto International Film Festival is fast approaching, I think I'm going to spin it as, "My friend surprised me with concert tickets when I saw him in New York City," and see how that goes over. At this point, it's the only thing I can think of. I will quit before I miss a Mariah Carey concert. There's no way in hell I am skipping Mimi! I need a re-do after the disaster that was February.
As I said, Big Bird was back in the office today. It was really annoying to have someone else in the room using up my oxygen. Also, today I found out that Robyn has two pet birds at home. Not only does this explain everything, but it totally validates her "Big Bird" nickname. In all honesty, Big Bird was tolerable today. I'm totally obsessed with the Go-Go's after last night, and Big Bird willingly listened to them all day with me as I rocked out in my swivel chair.
After Open House, I went to the gym and did my thing. My toe is really hurting, but I'm trying to be as active as possible. The running is probably going to screw me over. Considering I write about my exhaustion in every entry, it's redundant to say that I'm tired. However, it's now 2:30 a.m. and I have to be up at 5 a.m. to get myself ready for my trip to New York City. This should be interesting.
I'm extremely excited about my vacation. Well, sort of. I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I keep having flashbacks about Logan. It's making my stomach turn. I've got butterflies, and not the kind I like. I'm very anxious about returning to the Big Apple after having lived it so romantically through Logan in December and February.
I'm scared. Logan hurt me. Badly. As much as I try to block him out of my mind, it's kind of hard to do when I'm entering his territory. But, who says New York City is Logan's? Well, I just did. But, it's not his. Logan doesn't own the fucking city. It's not his territory to mark. I want to reclaim my love for New York City, and that's what I'm going to do this weekend.
A part of me wants to see Logan. I won't contact him. Sure, I'll make Instagram posts tagged in the city – partly because I'm flirting with a few other guys online who I'm trying to arrange a meeting with while I'm there – but can you imagine if I saw Logan organically while I was in New York City? Just a casual run-in? I would die, but it would be such a great story. Well, maybe I wouldn't die. Logan might. Only at the hands of me and my Hulk-sized rage towards him, though.
I want to egg Logan's apartment. I don't know what it would do, but I feel as though some light vandalism would be a form of stress-relief, similar to boxing or axe throwing – both of which I would consider doing to Logan's head, actually. I want to whip a ton of eggs at those big ass apartment windows that Logan wouldn't be able to clean. I wish Lauryn was coming to New York City for that sole reason. Lauryn would totally egg a house with me. Maybe one of the boys will go if I get them drunk enough.
I should probably get to bed. It's so late, and clearly, I'm not going to get any sleep as it is.
I came home from the gym, did a load of laundry, dishes, packed, and cleaned. I even made an Instagram video to post in the morning so the New York fuck boys will know I'm in their city as of tomorrow. It's 2016. These things have to be planned strategically.
I'm really excited about the trip. I think it's going to be great for me. I'm going to keep it cute, and see how it goes. I also confirmed a day trip to Fire Island with Kevin Sutherland today, so that's amazing news. Here's to a great "Vacation" – it's all I ever wanted.
"Had to get away!"
— The Go-Go's, "Vacation"
Goodnight xo
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Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2)
Non-FictionHi, I'm Kurt. A binge-drinking, pill-popping disco diva with a heart of platinum and an appetite for self-destruction. Welcome to Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2). Adapted from a collection of nightly...