Hi, I'm Kurt. A binge-drinking, pill-popping disco diva with a heart of platinum and an appetite for self-destruction.
Welcome to Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2).
Adapted from a collection of nightly...
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October 4
Well, I just spent over an hour on the phone with Uncle Jack. I couldn't find the courage to ask him about moving in with the family next year. It felt like such a bad time, to be honest. Nonetheless, the conversation we had was good. Laying the groundwork, if you will.
I think my California sales pitch sort of needed to happen this way. To start, I mean. I haven't had a proper conversation with Uncle Jack since Cousin Ashley's wedding in May. The last interaction we had was when I crushed Aunty Kelly's foot while I was blackout drunk. I had to bring Uncle Jack up to speed on everything that's happened since then, so that when I finally ask him about moving in – and I will – it won't be such a random moment.
Although I didn't initially think our conversation would go the way it did, I'm very glad it happened. Now that I think about it, Uncle Jack was probably one of the best people to have that discussion with. I think he's had a few encounters with the blues as well.
Over the course of our phone call, Uncle Jack gave me some really good advice. He reminded me of a hundred great things about myself, and I opened up about my shitty summer. When Uncle Jack asked questions about my teeth, I started to cry. Clearly, that has become my trigger. For the rest of my life, I will look in the mirror and be reminded of my stupid actions that night. What a disaster.
With tonight's catch up out of the way, I think the next conversation I have with Uncle Jack will be even better. Maybe I'll ask him about the move at that point. Maybe I won't. At the end of the day, I have become confident with the idea of quitting my job and moving out of the Witch Cave – regardless of what happens with California. As such, I don't feel pressured to make those plans right now. It's only the first week of October. There's still time to bring up the move, and give Uncle Jack ample time to think about it.
My day was ridiculous. This week has to be a record for the most hours spent not doing work. I think I worked for about one to two hours today. The rest of the time, I was researching Walt Disney World stuff. Looking at menus, food photos, discounts, theme park hours – everything. I have completely checked out, and it's only Tuesday. Fuck it. I am ready for Florida. I am so excited to go to Disney!
Naturally, RX had to ruin that excitement for me. Hurricane RX, that is. A developing storm system, which is expected to hit Central Florida from Wednesday night to Friday morning. Jesus. It's like a sign that I can't ever enjoy Florida again. Leave me alone, you fucker! Go bother one of your "fans" on Instagram. I'm sure they would love to have you piss all over their parade. I'm over it.
After work, I dropped off some clothes at a tailor near The Clubhouse. I refuse to wear shorts that fall below my knees. Having checked that item off my list, I continued walking to the gym and did my usual routine while watching Netflix. This season of BoJack Horseman has taken a sharp turn to the dark side. By the end of my run, I found myself somewhat depressed. Of course, this could've also been due to the fact that it's now pitch-black outside at 8 p.m. Still, something felt off.
Once I sweat out my blues in the sauna and listened to the mess that is Christina Aguilera's Bionic album, I felt better. Actually, I've been feeling a lot better these days. I still have my bouts of uncertainty and sadness, but overall, I feel more confident. I think part of that has to do with reclaiming my body and eating habits – both of which are slowly improving. Funny how something like that can make such a difference in my life. It's all a chain of events, though. I cut out the alcohol, which would normally lead to depression. I'm also exercising regularly and there's no more weed to fuel my appetite, which has improved things physically and mentally. Things are looking up. Life is getting better.
Back at the Witch Cave, I had a piece of toast and a liter of water for dinner. After some packing for Florida, that's when I had my call with California. As I said, I wasn't expecting the pep talk I got from Uncle Jack tonight, but his words really helped me. Mom can say all she wants. Although her words are often quite helpful, she's still my mother. Hearing tonight's words of encouragement from someone who has had their own share of darkness felt more impactful. It's something I hope to be able to do one day. Pay it forward, in an attempt to make people feel better about themselves. Nobody should ever feel alone. Fortunately for me, I have my left hand with me right now. Excuse us while we have a moment together.
