Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2)

August 4

August 4

Today was kind of a brutal day for me. I feel really low again, to the point where I feel as though I've regressed back to the depression that I was experiencing during the spring.

We'll start from the beginning of the day.

Despite getting a maximum of six hours of sleep each night – often less than that if I go to bed really, really late or wake up multiple times in the middle of the night – I've somehow been managing to wake up on time. For example, the night before my interview. I woke up in a panic, thinking I was going to be late. That was at 3 a.m., only an hour and a half after I went to bed. That was also the RX night.

Anyway, I woke up early today and did my thing. My mornings are absolutely exhausting. I have to wake up so early, because there's so much to do before I leave for work.

· Get up

· Wash dishes

· Prep my lunch

· Clean the kitchen

· Tidy the apartment to a respectable order

· Attempt to exercise (which didn't happen this morning)

· Make my bed

· Shower

· Fix my face

· Choose my outfit for the day

· Choose my second outfit for the day for when I arrive at work drenched in sweat

After all of that is done, I leave my apartment, schlep to The Clubhouse, and immediately jump into things. Until I have a break at work, which is usually only around 11 a.m., I've already been working up a (literal) sweat for four hours or more. I'm tired just thinking about it.

Work was awful today. It was one of those days where all I could do was think about how much I wanted to quit. The main reason for that was because my shift started out on a bit of a sour note. Big Bird is insisting that I come in for a "mandatory" one-hour front desk meeting at 3 p.m. on Saturday. On what fucking planet is that normal? That is so disruptive to everyone's day. My free time is so rare. I don't want to come into work on the weekend for one fucking hour, only to be mansplained by Niall and patronized by Stella. No, thank you.

When I dropped my things off in my office before working at the front desk, I told Big Bird a lie about how I might not be able to make it to the meeting because of a "doctor's appointment." In reality, I don't need to see Dr. Europia until December. Big Bird doesn't know that, though. I told her that yesterday's appointment was cancelled, but that there was the opportunity for a make-up appointment on Saturday. Big Bird wasn't happy, and basically said that I needed to attend the meeting.

Obviously, my conversation with Big Bird didn't go as planned. Basically, my plan now is to continue with my doctor's appointment lie, but make it clear that, "I really intend on making it to the meeting." Fuck that. I'm going to throw a baseball cap on as a disguise, and jump on the ferry to Hanlan's Point for the day. I refuse to work on the weekends.