Sleepless Solitude: The True-Life Journals of a Xanax'd Millennial (Part 2 of 2)

July 13

July 13

This week has been insane – and it's only Wednesday! I'm operating on pretty much zero sleep, because I've been running around with boys every night. I like it, though. Dating is a bit of a distraction from the other crap that's going on in my life with work. Boys keep my mind occupied. A summer romance makes me feel like I'm actually living. And, let's be honest – dating is a better option than me sitting on my couch and eating candy for the hundredth night in a row. In moments like these, I also find that I am eating less, because:

1. I'm busy

2. I'm happier

I got up early and did my thing at the Witch Cave. I arrived at The Clubhouse for 9 a.m., because I had my third date with PW tonight and wanted to finish early. Robyn was on the phone for the better part of the morning, which meant that I wasn't going to get any work done. Not because I didn't want to, but because I'm not allowed to work alone. Robyn will give me certain tasks that I can do by myself, but they aren't exactly labor intensive. I can often finish Robyn's menial assignments with a few strokes of my keyboard, which then leaves me trolling through the internet for hours on end, talking with the girls upstairs, and/or messaging friends and lovers.

One of those lovers was PW. I checked in with him this morning. I still think the way PW was so honest about everything on our date last night was kind of strange. Unless I'm giving off some very serious long-term relationship vibes – which is possible, I suppose – that was quite the discussion to have so early on. I must have really scared PW. When I messaged him this morning, everything seemed fine. We don't text that much to begin with, so I wasn't looking for a long exchange.

My workday dragged on. Much to my surprise, I received an email for an interview with Hot Docs, which had me feeling some type of way. I'm going to escape The Clubhouse for an hour tomorrow, and go do the interview up the street. It's for a Retail Coordinator position, which I'm not exactly clear on. Still, I figured I should take advantage of the opportunity that's been given to me. As for the rest of my day, I had my lunch, PW confirmed the time for tonight's date, and I dicked around on the computer some more. It really wasn't an intense day, and that was fine by me.

What wasn't so fine with me was receiving a text from PW a mere two and a half hours after we had confirmed our date, telling me that he wasn't comfortable with where things were headed. I was gutted. I immediately reached out to Lauryn, because she's the only one who knows about PW. I wanted to make sure I handled things properly. The following is the exchange I had with PW, most of which was written by Lauryn.

PW: "I've been thinking a lot about our conversation last night. I'm a bit hesitant to meet up with you for date #3. I meant what I said when I explained that I'm not interested in dating right now and I think it's best to talk about where this is going before things get too serious."

Kurt: "Oh, okay. How do you want to talk about it?"

PW: "I think it's clear that our expectations are different. I've obviously enjoyed being spoiled and getting to know you but I don't want to lead you on. That being said, I don't think it's best I come tonight."